Old men sitting next to me

[pamelanoon]

Does this happen to anyone else.

There is a little cafe near where i work. I go and have my lunch there. I sit at a small table with two chairs.

Two times, old men have come in by themselves and asked can they sit at my table. There are loads of free tables, so there is no need to sit at mine.

When I said no to the first man, he was really rude and called me a typical selfish female.

I then said to the restaurant staff that he was abusing me and they said "oh but he is very old".

He grumbled and went off to sit by himself.

The next time I went in, a different old man came in and asked if he could sit at my table.

The chairs are a bit more comfy at the table i was at, so I thought that he wanted the comfy chair.

I said to him "yes you can sit here, i will move to another table".

I moved to another table, he went to the counter, came back, and came over to me at the new table and asked could he sit with me at this second table! I said no you can sit over there, and he shuffled off angrily.

Right they are probably lonely, but i want to enjoy my lunch, i don't want to be sitting talking to an old man i dont know all through lunch!

What would you do?

Has anyone else reading had this experience?
I've been eating alone at tables for about 50 years and never, ever has anyone male or female asked to share a table with me when there were spaces elsewhere.

You're lucky!

That's not the same. She asked if it happened to anyone else. There two main answers to that, yes of no, but also some variations like I can't remember or I don't go to cafes alone. It seems she only wanted an echo chamber where everyone yes. Not how MN works.

With the dog example it would be like saying neighbours dog keeps barking does anyone else have this.

Your example works with her second question but not the first.

Her first question was does this happen to anyone else. Why ask a question if you don't want answers?

I was looking at something to watch on Netflix last night and ended up with The Equaliser as I like Denzel Washington. It made me think of this thread. So ok Denzel isn't that old but he probably was to Alina. So old man and young woman in otherwise empty cafe and end up sharing a table, ok she joined him but anyway he not only rescues her from the Russian mafia but wiped out a huge powerful mafia family. If only all old men were Denzel, well for me anyway as I'd love to share a coffee with him but maybe doesn't count as we are quite close in age.

I think that the older men are, the more emboldened they feel as they’ve got through decades of being away with this stuff. About 10 years ago, in my late 40s, I was walking down a busy street and a man in his 60s said “nice tits”. It was clearly the sort of thing he did all the time, no reason why he would suddenly say it to a middle aged woman. I initially walked past, shocked, but then turned back and loudly challenged him. He was shocked to be challenged and became abusive and I’m not proud to say that I was much more abusive in response and threatened to go and fetch a male friend to knock him out.

Never saw him again and hopefully that made him think twice before doing it again,

60s is a bit young for it but I think advanced old age can make some people disinhibited. I'm thinking of my oh so puritanical aunt who went into a home in her 80s and was most inappropriate she'd say to the young male carers. She could be awkward and obstinate so they would send the young males in to "charm" her. I said to the manager one day that I wondered if they pimped out young women in the same way. She didn't reply but it was truly uncomfortable watching.

Those of you jumping to the defence of the poor “old men”, I have found that it is the 60+ that tend to be the most inappropriate. I often worked in a hospital clinic setting and we had a form that patients had to fill out on arrival, one of the questions was sex, obviously asking male, female etc. The amount of times men would read it and say “sex, oh yes please hahaha!” or words to that effect. It was a regular occurrence met with a snatch of the form and a disgusted look from me. Worse still they were often with their wives. Strangely it always white English too? 🤔

Oh well I escape that then as DH is neither white nor English.

Neither is my DH. He isnt white or English. That hasnt stopped old white men trying to hit on me with depressing regularity when I have made it clear it's not wanted. These are strangers btw, not people I know. Male strangers who seem to think any woman 20 years younger than them would be delighted that they are trying to make conversation with them. Its gross.

Its honestly disgusting.

I’d hate this too because I get very little down time and when I have a quiet break somewhere I don’t want to be entertaining anyone else, I’d also say no because there are other tables free and I need some peace and quiet!

I was thinking of the embarrassment of standing at the hospital reception with a white English husband making such remarks to LimebasilandManderin. Don't you think that would be really cringe?

But in your case, there were no tables free. I assume that if there had been, you would have sat there instead of the cafe owner asking the man sitting alone if you could sit at his table.

I would always be wary if a man sat next to me, whether in a cafe or on public transport if there are other tables/seats free where they don't need to sit next to a woman on her own.

I bet if there was a man sitting on his own at a table with lots of other tables free, these old men wouldn't go and ask to sit at their table. It's still intimidating and inappropriate, even if these men are elderly.

Hi. Just to add a post because something happened.

I went back to the cafe. Its the only good one that is near my workplace.

I sat at a high table with high seats so i woulf be safe from the old men.

As i was leaving i saw one of the old men from before, ask could he sit next to a young couple at their table. He sat down before they answered.

As i was walking out the door, i heard the old man say to the young woman "im deciding when to have my weekly shower, it wont be tonight anyway!" She looked horrified!