Old men sitting next to me

[pamelanoon]

Does this happen to anyone else.

There is a little cafe near where i work. I go and have my lunch there. I sit at a small table with two chairs.

Two times, old men have come in by themselves and asked can they sit at my table. There are loads of free tables, so there is no need to sit at mine.

When I said no to the first man, he was really rude and called me a typical selfish female.

I then said to the restaurant staff that he was abusing me and they said "oh but he is very old".

He grumbled and went off to sit by himself.

The next time I went in, a different old man came in and asked if he could sit at my table.

The chairs are a bit more comfy at the table i was at, so I thought that he wanted the comfy chair.

I said to him "yes you can sit here, i will move to another table".

I moved to another table, he went to the counter, came back, and came over to me at the new table and asked could he sit with me at this second table! I said no you can sit over there, and he shuffled off angrily.

Right they are probably lonely, but i want to enjoy my lunch, i don't want to be sitting talking to an old man i dont know all through lunch!

What would you do?

I did read it thanks. Maybe check your facts before being rude.

It is hilarious that you asked a question and got stroppy because people had different experiences you.

I just can't imagine why they were rude to you😭😙😋😁

I thought you might like some more emojis.

This doesn't sound like the UK.

Are you in Azerbaijan or somewhere?

Happens to me all the time. I look friendly but am actually an antisocial person. I hate going on buses because of this and always used to get weird people bothering me in department stores ( before they closed all the department stores)

Some of them do pick older men to talk to. My husband is disabled so I'm often in and out of shops while he has a rest on a bench. Someone has often sat down and started chatting to him when I get back. Don't know if it's the same old men.

I am in the U.K.

You don't think this happens in the U.K.

Eh what? Of course it does.

I get this too when I go in my usual coffee shop. I either then put my ear buds in and listen to music on my phone, thus making it clear that I'm not up for conversation, although some of them still try! Or I say,yes,sure,I'll move. I've not had one yet follow me to another table!

I might want to find another cafe for lunch - wouldn’t fancy sharing a table with a rude person or dealing with the aggro when you say no.

I am sure it does happen, but in the experiences I have had they dont and I dont get it- if you are truly genuinely lonely then surely you wouldnt only accept conversation from much younger women

I have had the exact same thing happen to
me in a UK department store cafe with plenty of other free tables. I was reading my work phone and considering my reply to an email. I just said loudly, ‘no, I prefer to be alone thanks.’ He looked stunned. A member of staff who was clearing tables rushed up and ushered the older gentleman to another table.

I had to give myself a talking to as I felt a little guilty in case he was just lonely. But I quickly reminded myself that just because I’m a middle aged woman I’m not a support animal for random men. I’m as entitled as anyone else to enjoy my end of week coffee and cake treat in peace. In fact I’m more entitled to avoid strange entitled men than a man would be on the basis that I’m female. Lifelong experience has taught me to be wary and that even the apparently benign male can be otherwise.

What goes through these men's heads. Is it because they grew up in a sexist era, and they think that any woman there is there for their entertainment.

Mostly when I'm in cafes I'm there on my own and I'm fine if anyone wants to share my table when it's busy (it doesn't happen often) BUT I would expect a bloke to sit at a different table if there's one free.

Yes!

FFS.

This sort of thing is the reason I now refuse to help in this sort of situation, including the guy in London who approached me (lone female) and asked me to tie his shoelaces for him.

My stock response now is to tell them to ask a man. And when they respond aggressively, which isn’t an unusual occurrence, I know that I had them bang to rights.

And they get rebuffed time and time again, and each time just reinforces that it’s not them it’s you.

But they never accept that they decide that they didn’t want to talk to you anyway you stuck up bitch.

It’s a PA, indirect and somewhat cowardly way of questioning the veracity of your account, OP.

Almost as if women were never routinely harassed in this manner, and are making a big, silly old fuss when they are.

You know the tired old drill. But there are still many other Mumsnetters left who see this for precisely what it is.

I had this recently in the gym, I was on a cardio machine with my earbuds in getting on with my workout when an older man came over and stood right beside me to get my attention then introduced himself and started talking at me. I just put my earbuds back in and projected "fuck off" vibes until he went away. Why would he think it's appropriate to come and bother someone who's clearly in the middle of a workout and doesn't want to talk.

I'm 52 and thought I was at an age when pervy men would leave me alone but I have had three bad experiences within the last year in the book section of my local Tesco's, of all places. I think because it is quiet, a certain type of man knows there is no one to overhear what they are up to. Three times I have been approached by much older men, 70s or 80s, conversation starts off benign enough and then got creepy. You know the type of conversations where they just stay on the right side of the line and you are questioning wether you are overreacting as it is happening, right until they go too far? I was a bit stunned the first two times and just walked away quickly, but the third time, my heart sank and I thought, "Here we go again," and he got quite lewd, very fast. I got angry this time and told him loudly to fuck off away from me and it worked. Now I don't go near the book section. THE BOOK SECTION OF TESCO'S!!! I swear they think that because we are not 20 somethings, we will be grateful for the attention! I also had a guy hassling me for attention in my hairdressers, nothing creepy, but again, just demanding my attention despite the fact I was reading a book. I didn't feel as if I could say anything as we were both clients and everything could be over heard, but once I was sat in the chair, he thought it was funny to grab a pair of scissors and pretend he was going to cut my hair. That's when my hairdresser intervened and told him to sit down and leave me be. "I was just joking," he said. Bless her, she shot back with, "Women with beautiful hair don't find it funny when someone threatens to mangle it. Sit!". So she defended me AND I got a compliment. I think in his case he really was just lonely but as PP have said, we are not emotional support animals. People have a right to their own boundaries.

What???

Of course it happens in the UK. You get creeps and twats here just like anywhere else!

I’d do exactly the same!

I don't get this attention, but I have a resting bitch face

I've had it in near empty pubs and I get lots of manspreading on trains but not cafes. These people get pissy about, it as others have said, because they feel perfectly entitled to occupy your physical space and take up your time trying to be interesting or interested, thus making you the aggressor when you make it clear that they are imposing and/ or invading your privacy and your space. Either way I don't care how awkward they choose to try and make me feel about it, it's their lack of manners not mine, and I would never dream of doing anything like that myself.

I’ve had two separate manswimsplainers in the swimming pool. I’ve also been particularly susceptible to men trying to claim my time and attention when travelling alone. Any public transport can be a problem. Trains are a nightmare for it, I’ve had more issues on that particular mode of travel than any other. Then there was the long haul flight where a man began insistently questioning me as to my end destination. I gave him that kind of half-smile, half-grimace you give when you want to convey an underlying ‘you’re a wanker’ sentiment and inquired in light tones ‘why would you want to know?’ Received some mutterings back about making polite conversation and with another smile/grimace said, ‘well hopefully it will be a smooth landing, I’ve just been reading that the weather forecast in Montreal is good’, then stuck my headphones on and buried my nose in my tablet. I was very wary going through baggage reclaim on that occasion.

Replies such as, ‘I’d rather not, thank you’, ‘no, I’d rather you didn’t join me’, and ‘I’m not up for conversation/company thanks’ have all been met with abusive responses at one time or another.

I’m middle aged. My field of fucks is very definitely becoming increasingly barren, given this is a thing most women my age have been navigating for decades.

IME, it’s been men. Every time.

I want one of those. I think it might be time to practise it in the mirror!

Or they think no females can possibly be having a nice time without the company of men. I’m in a same sex marriage, we often get men trying to sit with us for a “chat”. No, go away.

They haven’t said OP said that, they’ve quoted someone else?