Wedding no show. Was I unreasonable to block her?

[Nowtinit]

I got married earlier this year. It was a fairly big wedding. 100 guests with a sit down meal etc.

I used to have a friend who I was fairly close to back in the day. Knew each other from school. Had many a fun night out drinking in our youth as well as some holidays away etc. She got married and had her kids a few years back now (her children are 8 and 10 now) but we never lost contact and still saw each other regularly for the most part. She moved away 2 years ago to an area about 2 hours away from our home town. We still kept in touch but neither of us went to see the other as life was always just busy. But we were always friendly on text but they dwindled a bit as well.

Anyway when i was organising the wedding I messaged her to say I know we haven’t been in touch as much but I’d love it if she (and her husband and kids) could come to the wedding, but I understood if it was too much of a hassle coming the 2 hours back this way. She replied immediately saying she’d definitely be coming and would there be a hen do etc. I said there would be but I hadn’t organised that yet so would be in touch and would also send out a formal invite.

I sent the invite, she RSVP’d immediately for the whole family including the meals they wanted etc. Once the hen was organised I sent her those details (night out in our home town. Meal and drinks). She replied great I’ll be there!

Two weeks before the hen party (which was 4 weeks before the wedding) she text to say she’d forgotten it was her nephews birthday the same day as the hen so she couldn’t come. It was quite a blunt text (for her) but I said no problem and I was looking forward to seeing her at the wedding. She replied with “yes me too. I have our hotel and train all booked!”

Day of the wedding arrived, and she just didn’t show. I checked her instagram and she’d been posting pictures of her family as normal the week leading up to the wedding as well as on the day on the wedding (they appeared to be at a park or similar on the day). I gave it a few days to see if she’d get in touch but nothing. One evening (after a few wines) I did send a passive aggressive text saying I assume you couldn’t make the wedding then? She read it and didn’t reply. So I just deleted and blocked her on everything.

It’s been a couple of months now and I’ve pretty much just forgotten all about it. But the other night I woke up and I’d had 4 missed calls. 3 were withheld numbers and 1 was her husbands number. One of the withheld numbers had left a voicemail which was just people laughing hysterically followed by someone (female but not my friend) saying bitch really loudly. No idea if it was her/related to her but I’m guessing it was due to her husbands number also ringing me within a few mins of that message.

I don’t really get what happened? She was always a normal person. Not flakey. A good friend. Not aggressive or rude. Just…. Normal. Yes we’d lost touch a bit but we’d never fallen out. I always messaged her happy birthday and she did the same. Yes my post wedding text was a bit PA but the fact she didn’t even bother to let me know she couldn’t come or even apologise after the fact did piss me off a bit. We’d paid for the whole families meals etc and there was 4 wasted seats. To just not get in touch at all was just rude in my opinion. I was quite happy to just forget about her and carry on. But then this weird phone call/voicemail happened and its brought it all back up again. Especially as it seems very out of character for her to be so almost malicious. She’s never been like that before. But I guess maybe she’s changed in the past 2 years. Who knows.

I agree with this. People are becoming more and more this way. No manners at all, telling a pack of lies along the way in order to do exactly what they want and bollocks to everyone, even if that includes people that genuinely consider them friends.

I am staggered at the behaviour of people nowadays. All she had to do was make one call or send one text. She appears to be getting pleasure from your upset to boot. The world has gone mad entirely.

Keep her and her DH blocked. You did a nice thing and got punished for it.

Sounds to me she may be in a domestic abuse situation.

I had a friend that did this to me and I haven’t been in contact with her since. You are not being unreasonable at all.
I got married 2 years ago and me and this ‘friend’ had been friends since we were kids. She moved away about a year before my wedding and she was starting to become quite distant. However when I sent her our wedding invite she said she would be there and was very excited. She had just had a baby, so I gave her plenty of options to try to make things easier (day guest, maybe just evening guest is easier etc…).
anyway fast forward to the wedding and she just never showed. I never received any messages of congratulations, absolute zero acknowledgment.
so I removed her as a friend on my socials, deleted her number and I haven’t spoken to her since and I don’t think I would if she tried to reach out to me in the future. Real friends don’t treat each other like that.

Lol at the people saying she might not be herself or in hospital. The level of bullshit these days and play on emotion is ridiculous. She’s a shit friend. It is what it is. She’s blocked. The phone calls after prove it. Playground crap. Don’t give it a minutes thought unless she calls round in person to apologise about both letting you down and the calls .

What a cunt! Get one of your single friends to message her husband and pretend to be interested etc then when he’s fully reeled in unblock her and send her all the proof. Yes I’m a petty Betty but that’s hundreds of pounds down the drain I assume! As if she thinks your very slightly PA message is out of order! It’s the very least she deserves.

This is exactly what I think as well

I think blocking her is maybe a bit high school tbh, just because you can very easily not speak to someone ever again, and not make an effort with them without the obviousness of updating all your social media - she isnt worth the effort. Having said that, she's definitely the absolute mean girl here, she's behaving like a child and I suspect she knows she did wrong, instead of apologising like an adult and trying to repair the situation she has somehow made it a "you" problem and then got drunk (strongly suspect) and done this. Ignore her, she's a waste of your time and thought. Not attending your wedding or sending apologises is awful, and she'll have cost you hundreds if you had 4 of them for the whole day planned. Prank calling you is super super juvenile, she probably feels embarrassed now (if that's any consolation) and I suspect the shame she feels at what she did has driven it. There's no excuse and I'd just totally ignore. If it happens again, send a curt message to the husband saying you'll be speaking to the police about harassment if they contact you again and you'll have to block his number if he can't respect personal boundaries in the future. Do it the morning after so he's sober and I'm sure they'll all feel mortified at the pathetic-ness of it all

The not knowing would play on my mind. I’d need to find out what had happened because it’s so bizarre. Nobody behaves like that in my world. You have nothing to lose by picking up the phone.

You’ve drifted apart over the years. She should have let you know she wasn’t coming to the wedding but she didn’t you’ll never know why now.

Drunk people make bad decisions you sent a passive aggressive message after a few drinks which was a little bit of a bad decision. She responded with a prank phone call probably after a few drinks which was a really bad decision.

You messaging and blocking her has obviously been on her mind so she’s had a drunken rant to someone and they’ve responded by pranking you. Like i said drunk people make bad decisions.

There is nothing to be done now other than morn the friendship and move on.

/Going against the flow but I absolutely would be getting an answer if I was you. You're clearly bothered, and with good reason. I would be making a phone call -maybe to the husband as well. Doesn't matter now what they say, does it, but better for your peace of mind to be able to close that door having got their response.

I agree it is spectacularly rude to RSVP to a wedding and not turn up. If there was a good last minute reason for not turning up, you would have heard about it. Clearly she doesn't value your friendship, so it's best to move on.

No mutual friend that could find out what happened?

Exactly. It’s up to a guest to inform the host, the bride can’t be chasing up guests checking they’re all coming.

a so-called friend did this to me once - i called her out about it a week after the event - she played victim and I decided I had had enough of her.

Maybe she’s unhappy since she moved away 2yrs ago… maybe she’s jealous of you. Either way, it’s good that she’s out of your life

As predicted, this thread is now starting to go viral. OP can just send her the link.

https://www.boredpanda.com/old-friend-missed-wedding-no-explanation/?utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook&utm_term=bp_942444&utm_campaign=the-humor-train&utm_content=image&fbclid=IwQ0xDSwMN49NjbGNrAw3jtGV4dG4DYWVtAjExAAEeyNeuBoucWszK5a94BWlEsf_Je5DAPrjpjbB87nQsO3uZOPBJH7mPZrTfetA_aem_NSRi3YT1nizLWfQrJ7gdzg&wvk=0&sfnsn=scwspwa

What a horrible thing to do! You did the right thing cutting her out. I’m sure you have lovely people in your life who respect and like you.
I had similar with an old friend. One day she was my friend, the next she wasn’t and I’ve never found out why despite reaching out several times. A mutual friend said she couldn’t figure it out and this friend wouldn’t tell her. Thing is I was living in Australia at the time and she was here. The way I see it though is her mask slipped. I’ve learned that when that happens I’m always to trust it. I’ve been a little too trusting in the past and been bitten by it. I’m cautious of anyone who shows their true colours. She remains blocked