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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wedding no show. Was I unreasonable to block her?

366 replies

Nowtinit · 12/08/2025 13:07

I got married earlier this year. It was a fairly big wedding. 100 guests with a sit down meal etc.

I used to have a friend who I was fairly close to back in the day. Knew each other from school. Had many a fun night out drinking in our youth as well as some holidays away etc. She got married and had her kids a few years back now (her children are 8 and 10 now) but we never lost contact and still saw each other regularly for the most part. She moved away 2 years ago to an area about 2 hours away from our home town. We still kept in touch but neither of us went to see the other as life was always just busy. But we were always friendly on text but they dwindled a bit as well.

Anyway when i was organising the wedding I messaged her to say I know we haven’t been in touch as much but I’d love it if she (and her husband and kids) could come to the wedding, but I understood if it was too much of a hassle coming the 2 hours back this way. She replied immediately saying she’d definitely be coming and would there be a hen do etc. I said there would be but I hadn’t organised that yet so would be in touch and would also send out a formal invite.

I sent the invite, she RSVP’d immediately for the whole family including the meals they wanted etc. Once the hen was organised I sent her those details (night out in our home town. Meal and drinks). She replied great I’ll be there!

Two weeks before the hen party (which was 4 weeks before the wedding) she text to say she’d forgotten it was her nephews birthday the same day as the hen so she couldn’t come. It was quite a blunt text (for her) but I said no problem and I was looking forward to seeing her at the wedding. She replied with “yes me too. I have our hotel and train all booked!”

Day of the wedding arrived, and she just didn’t show. I checked her instagram and she’d been posting pictures of her family as normal the week leading up to the wedding as well as on the day on the wedding (they appeared to be at a park or similar on the day). I gave it a few days to see if she’d get in touch but nothing. One evening (after a few wines) I did send a passive aggressive text saying I assume you couldn’t make the wedding then? She read it and didn’t reply. So I just deleted and blocked her on everything.

It’s been a couple of months now and I’ve pretty much just forgotten all about it. But the other night I woke up and I’d had 4 missed calls. 3 were withheld numbers and 1 was her husbands number. One of the withheld numbers had left a voicemail which was just people laughing hysterically followed by someone (female but not my friend) saying bitch really loudly. No idea if it was her/related to her but I’m guessing it was due to her husbands number also ringing me within a few mins of that message.

I don’t really get what happened? She was always a normal person. Not flakey. A good friend. Not aggressive or rude. Just…. Normal. Yes we’d lost touch a bit but we’d never fallen out. I always messaged her happy birthday and she did the same. Yes my post wedding text was a bit PA but the fact she didn’t even bother to let me know she couldn’t come or even apologise after the fact did piss me off a bit. We’d paid for the whole families meals etc and there was 4 wasted seats. To just not get in touch at all was just rude in my opinion. I was quite happy to just forget about her and carry on. But then this weird phone call/voicemail happened and its brought it all back up again. Especially as it seems very out of character for her to be so almost malicious. She’s never been like that before. But I guess maybe she’s changed in the past 2 years. Who knows.

OP posts:
Drivingthevengabus · 12/08/2025 13:10

I would have had to message the husband along the lines of 'Just seen a missed call from you - is everything ok?' and see what he said.

Robin67 · 12/08/2025 13:13

She is a twat. It is easier for her to bully you when drunk than to accept that she is a twat and apologise. Some people are like that. Message her husband's number to not contact you again and then forget about her forever.

Gemmawemma9 · 12/08/2025 13:14

Drivingthevengabus · 12/08/2025 13:10

I would have had to message the husband along the lines of 'Just seen a missed call from you - is everything ok?' and see what he said.

Yes I would too.
Your friend sounds thoughtless, selfish, pathetic and childish. Prank calls, at her big age? YANBU.

Peaceandlabradors · 12/08/2025 13:17

Gemmawemma9 · 12/08/2025 13:14

Yes I would too.
Your friend sounds thoughtless, selfish, pathetic and childish. Prank calls, at her big age? YANBU.

Show quote history

Yes this. Very breezy text:
Hi Derek just seen I have a few missed calls from you last night - is everything ok? The messages left were a bit weird.

OtterlyMad · 12/08/2025 13:20

What a cow. She wasted 4 seats and hundreds of pounds of your money on food, couldn’t be arsed to message you to let you know she could not attend, didn’t respond to your message to explain what happened, and then has the gall to spam you with calls/voicemails in the middle of the night?! Wtf.

Is/was her husband a pleasant and reasonable person? If yes, I would consider reaching out to him directly, to ask if his wife is having a mental break.

Original poster
Nowtinit · 12/08/2025 13:20

I only had one missed call from her husband’s number. The rest were withheld numbers so I’m not sure if they were definitely related to my friend. But I think they were but there’s no proof. Her husbands number rang at 1.05am and the 3 withheld rings were all within half an hour of that. The voicemail was left with the last missed call.

OP posts:
ohyesido · 12/08/2025 13:21

Ugh my hair is standing on end reading the description of the voicemail. Block that nonsense you don’t need that in your life

Original poster
Nowtinit · 12/08/2025 13:25

I debated messaging her husband but decided to just block him as well. He was pleasant enough but I never knew him that well other than to say hi to. I can’t imagine him being involved in any of it so I decided just to leave it.

It is such odd behaviour from her as well though. I’ve known her 30 years. I’ve never known her to act like this at all. She was never weird or bitchy or flakey. I can’t believe how much someone (well into their 40s as well!) can change!

OP posts:
CarpetKnees · 12/08/2025 13:25

As it was so out of character (her missing the wedding) and it seemed she had committed a lot in coming - train and hotel booked - how is it you didn't message her the day after the wedding and ask if everything was alright ? I'd have been really concerned about anyone just not appearing at the wedding. Indeed, would probably have got someone to message her on the day.

At least you'd have known what happened.

CarmellaSopranosKitchen · 12/08/2025 13:27

I think it would have been better to have spoken to her, Maybe one of the children were ill and she didnt want to contact you on the day. It's rude, but things do happen - sudden illness etc. Especially if she was never flakey before.

wizzywig · 12/08/2025 13:28

Does your first or last name start with A? She may have just misdailed you

Original poster
Nowtinit · 12/08/2025 13:34

CarpetKnees · 12/08/2025 13:25

As it was so out of character (her missing the wedding) and it seemed she had committed a lot in coming - train and hotel booked - how is it you didn't message her the day after the wedding and ask if everything was alright ? I'd have been really concerned about anyone just not appearing at the wedding. Indeed, would probably have got someone to message her on the day.

At least you'd have known what happened.

Mainly because I could see her posting on social media so I knew she wasn’t dead etc. She was at a national trust park type place on the day of the wedding and apparently making cakes with the kids the day after. (She’s always been big into social media and posts constantly).

I posted a couple of photos from the wedding on the day so she would have seen them. So even if she forgot the wedding she’d likely have seen mine and could have got in touch herself. Basically she’s clearly “ok” enough to post on SM and be out doing things with her family so in my opinion she was ok enough to message me. Yes I could have messaged first but was annoyed and decided not to.

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 12/08/2025 13:37

The trash took itself out, unfortunately cost you the money on the wedding But block without a 2nd thought and move on.

Trash.

Gemmawemma9 · 12/08/2025 13:39

CarmellaSopranosKitchen · 12/08/2025 13:27

I think it would have been better to have spoken to her, Maybe one of the children were ill and she didnt want to contact you on the day. It's rude, but things do happen - sudden illness etc. Especially if she was never flakey before.

Sick kids, the husband should have stayed and friend still came. Or at the VERY least, a quick text “Hi OP, I’m so sorry to let you down last minute. Emergency blah blah has happened and we won’t be able to make it today. I’m gutted to be missing your special day. Please don’t feel like you need to reply today, I just wanted to let you know. Thinking of you and hope you have an amazing day. Love xxx”
Easy. And what any proper friend would do.

Original poster
Nowtinit · 12/08/2025 13:41

CarmellaSopranosKitchen · 12/08/2025 13:27

I think it would have been better to have spoken to her, Maybe one of the children were ill and she didnt want to contact you on the day. It's rude, but things do happen - sudden illness etc. Especially if she was never flakey before.

And this was why I checked her instagram. And saw her photos of her and the kids at a park on a day out. No one was ill.

Unless you think she took the kids to a national trust place at 8am for an hour to then try and get to the train for 10am to do the 2 hour journey to the wedding to be there for 12pm and they fell ill sometime in that? But they were all better by the next day and making cakes? But they were also that ill she couldn’t send a quick text? Even if she didn’t want to disturb me on the day she could have text the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that. I didn’t send my PA text until over a week after the wedding.

OP posts:
Lampzade · 12/08/2025 13:41

She is simply a nasty and controlling person.
Op, simply ignore her and cut her out of your life

gertrudemortimer · 12/08/2025 13:44

Could you have said something about her missing the hen do that got back to her? Her posting photos on the day of the wedding is really bad and showed she didn’t care whatsoever. Yet she apologised about missing the hen do so comparing that to what she did for the wedding means something has been said to her in between the two events in my opinion

swampwitch0 · 12/08/2025 13:44

You're well rid.
Block and delete the number.
If they start being twats, contact the police.

ChaToilLeam · 12/08/2025 13:44

I can’t think of a single good reason for her to treat you like this. Be done with her and don’t give her a single thought ever again. What a horrible woman!

ohyesido · 12/08/2025 13:44

Do you believe it was her and her mates behind the voicemail

Clockforce · 12/08/2025 13:45

If a long standing friend was acting completely out of character, I'd be worried, not blocking them, even if they had missed my wedding.

Wreckinball · 12/08/2025 13:46

Had her phone stolen- rubbish or no PIN code and being used by thieves, doesn’t have your number in her head?
doesnt explain getting another phone and being on insta without trying to trace you that way though

VintageDiamondGirl · 12/08/2025 13:47

This seems like such an alteration in character. Do you know her husband at all? I wonder what he is like. Might they have had a row over her attending the hen party and on the wedding day?

I think the calls were from her, it's too much of a coincidence. To ring someone's phone at that time of night is despicable. It's a very immature and cruel thing to have done.

I feel there may be some issues with her that you don't know about but of course you were right to have ended the friendship.

Original poster
Nowtinit · 12/08/2025 13:47

Clockforce · 12/08/2025 13:45

If a long standing friend was acting completely out of character, I'd be worried, not blocking them, even if they had missed my wedding.

Well her social media posts weren’t out of character. All of her social media has been totally normal before and after the wedding.

OP posts:
blackpooolrock · 12/08/2025 13:49

I would have just left it, no need for blocking or anything else really. Yes its annoying and infuriating but you don't see her or really speak to her so whats the point in blocking her?

If she did message or call just ignore it and don't read. I'm sure that would get the message over.