Wedding no show. Was I unreasonable to block her?

[Nowtinit]

I got married earlier this year. It was a fairly big wedding. 100 guests with a sit down meal etc.

I used to have a friend who I was fairly close to back in the day. Knew each other from school. Had many a fun night out drinking in our youth as well as some holidays away etc. She got married and had her kids a few years back now (her children are 8 and 10 now) but we never lost contact and still saw each other regularly for the most part. She moved away 2 years ago to an area about 2 hours away from our home town. We still kept in touch but neither of us went to see the other as life was always just busy. But we were always friendly on text but they dwindled a bit as well.

Anyway when i was organising the wedding I messaged her to say I know we haven’t been in touch as much but I’d love it if she (and her husband and kids) could come to the wedding, but I understood if it was too much of a hassle coming the 2 hours back this way. She replied immediately saying she’d definitely be coming and would there be a hen do etc. I said there would be but I hadn’t organised that yet so would be in touch and would also send out a formal invite.

I sent the invite, she RSVP’d immediately for the whole family including the meals they wanted etc. Once the hen was organised I sent her those details (night out in our home town. Meal and drinks). She replied great I’ll be there!

Two weeks before the hen party (which was 4 weeks before the wedding) she text to say she’d forgotten it was her nephews birthday the same day as the hen so she couldn’t come. It was quite a blunt text (for her) but I said no problem and I was looking forward to seeing her at the wedding. She replied with “yes me too. I have our hotel and train all booked!”

Day of the wedding arrived, and she just didn’t show. I checked her instagram and she’d been posting pictures of her family as normal the week leading up to the wedding as well as on the day on the wedding (they appeared to be at a park or similar on the day). I gave it a few days to see if she’d get in touch but nothing. One evening (after a few wines) I did send a passive aggressive text saying I assume you couldn’t make the wedding then? She read it and didn’t reply. So I just deleted and blocked her on everything.

It’s been a couple of months now and I’ve pretty much just forgotten all about it. But the other night I woke up and I’d had 4 missed calls. 3 were withheld numbers and 1 was her husbands number. One of the withheld numbers had left a voicemail which was just people laughing hysterically followed by someone (female but not my friend) saying bitch really loudly. No idea if it was her/related to her but I’m guessing it was due to her husbands number also ringing me within a few mins of that message.

I don’t really get what happened? She was always a normal person. Not flakey. A good friend. Not aggressive or rude. Just…. Normal. Yes we’d lost touch a bit but we’d never fallen out. I always messaged her happy birthday and she did the same. Yes my post wedding text was a bit PA but the fact she didn’t even bother to let me know she couldn’t come or even apologise after the fact did piss me off a bit. We’d paid for the whole families meals etc and there was 4 wasted seats. To just not get in touch at all was just rude in my opinion. I was quite happy to just forget about her and carry on. But then this weird phone call/voicemail happened and its brought it all back up again. Especially as it seems very out of character for her to be so almost malicious. She’s never been like that before. But I guess maybe she’s changed in the past 2 years. Who knows.

there is nothing to do here. You clearly are not a bitch, you spent money on them, they did not want to come. Not sure what else could be done. Are they bitches and bastards, that is another question

And the “friends” prank calls laughing and yelling bitch at the op, that’s ok is it? Not really indicative of some valid reason for the no show and lack of communication.

I would be unblocking and texting her. Just on principle of her thinking she can be that rude with no repercussion.

"Missed a call from your husband and presumably you a few minutes later the other night? Had given up on you following the no-show and no-communication around the wedding, but it sounded like you did want to say something? Shall we have a catch up?"

What a cow.

Whatever she may or may not have going on, she behaved appallingly and a text telling you why she didn’t come would have taken seconds. In fact, she read your text and didn’t even bother replying. Then decided to have her friends join in on harassing you when drunk.

Block and move on. Not worth the trouble. If anything you were far too kind.

This is exactly how bitchy teenagers acted like when I was young. If someone called them out they would turn against them and act like bitches to them.

Rubbish. She has been diagnosed with nothing, except being a total bitch.

And you don't think that taking FOUR places from OP at her wedding - four! - is vicious? Also, how is telling the truth about someone's behaviour vicious? With any kind of abuse, you expose it. Nasty people thrive on the secrecy and depend on their victims keeping quiet. If someone does something dreadful to me, I certainly don't keep their grubby behavior a secret; why should I?

Exactly - she thinks she can be that rude without repercussion. I would be showing her otherwise.

FOUR places at a wedding!!!

Also, what if her friend has actually been taken by aliens and this isn’t her but an alien copy? That’s just as likely as your example.

There were many posts making excuses, not specific examples

My DH and I met at uni and a lovely friend on the course noticed things, mentioned them to me and it gave me the confidence to let him know how I felt. If it wasn't for her we probably would never have gotten together.

She accepted an invite to our wedding and I was really excited to see her again and thank her for her part in us getting together.
She didn't show. No message. No explanation. I was upset .

However about 2 weeks later she did contact me to apologise. She was due to come but mid afternoon had a call that her friend (42) had been rushed to hospital and she died the following morning.

Obviously you know your 'friend', the calls sound nasty and I can understand blocking, but i would have messaged her husband and waited to see what the response /fallout was before making a decision. You dont need the drama!

She didn't give the friendship a second's thought.

The OP was right to block

So?

She was rude.

No loss

I would deffo do this upto the police and on record part!!!😂

You were not unreasonable to block her. She sounds like a wench. She acts like she is 13. You deserve better friends. And it was not up to you to follow up with her to see what happened about the wedding. She was taking the piss.

i think blocking her is acceptable as her behaviour is unforgivable. If she really wanted to contact you she could write you a snail mail letter explaining her actions.

A wench? 😂 Do you mean a witch? I'm imagining a milkmaid with yellow plaits in one of those traditional German outfits with the lace-up top! 🤣

Sorry this happened to you but you have done the right thing. She has dropped you twice, at the hen and wedding, with no apology or explanation.

She has shown you her hand, and I suspect her husband is an influence in all this. Remember the good times and just let it go. People change over time and your friend certainly has and is not worth the head space.

people don’t always post the truth on social media. It’s not unheard of for people who are struggling mentally to present a totally different (very positive, having great fun!) picture on social media. You never know what is going on behind people’s front doors. Maybe the pictures were from a totally different day. Maybe her husband is coercive /abusive. Maybe they are struggling financially and couldn’t afford to come but she was too embarrassed to say so. Maybe she got in with a bad crowd of people. Maybe her phone was stolen??

I’m not saying you should unblock her or reach out to her now. I do think you could have handled this differently at the time and not jumped to conclusions. You basically have no idea why she didn’t come, how she is doing, if she rang etc etc. If you valued the friendship you had always had, you should have reached out to her instead of checking her social media. Social media is full of so many half truths at best, lies at worst.

I think she probably decided that the two hour journey and the costs involved were too much and, instead of being an adult and contacting you to explain that she’d said yes without really thinking it through, it was easier for her to just not turn up and act like you’re the villain for blocking her.

I’d also be willing to bet that the calls were made during a night out with her new friends, where of course, she has become the victim of the whole scenario and you have become an evil Bridezilla who has blocked her simply because she couldn’t make it, and they’ve reverted back to teenagers. Again, it’s far, far easier for her to blame you for blocking her than it is for her to acknowledge that you paid for four meals and probably didn’t invite four people you’d have liked to, simply so her and her family could attend. She’s a walking cliche.

Sorry I'm dying that 100 is a big wedding here in Ireland it's bizzare to see less than 180 lol

Block and keep blocked.

It sounds like you never gave her a chance to explain as you blocked her as soon as you saw she’d read your message - which is a pretty bitchy move tbh. Reading a message doesn’t mean someone is necessarily able to reply immediately, particularly if it warrants a more in depth response

She didn’t need to reply immediately. She’d had a week to message to explain why she didn’t turn up at the wedding. Why does OP need to give her extra time?

Blocking maybe childish but friend acted very irresponsible for confirming invites with family and then being a no show on OP’s wedding. She should have been more thoughtful after she had already made a mistake about hen.

Did she 'like' or 'comment' under any of your wedding photos when you posted them?

I think you found out from this incredibly rude person that she was never a friend.

Unless she or a member of her immediate family had an accident that day, there was NO reason for not letting you know she was not going to the wedding, well in advance.

She isn't just rude. She clearly lacks any social skills or grace.

You don't need to give her an opportunity to explain. She's not a nice human. You don't need people like her in your life. Nobody does.

I hope you had a lovely wedding day.

That’s a strange comment. For op, it was a big wedding. Who cares about what is a normal size wedding in Ireland, I can tell what is considered a big wedding in India but it’s not relevant here, nor it’s a global benchmark.

And then not show up?