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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wedding no show. Was I unreasonable to block her?

366 replies

Nowtinit · 12/08/2025 13:07

I got married earlier this year. It was a fairly big wedding. 100 guests with a sit down meal etc.

I used to have a friend who I was fairly close to back in the day. Knew each other from school. Had many a fun night out drinking in our youth as well as some holidays away etc. She got married and had her kids a few years back now (her children are 8 and 10 now) but we never lost contact and still saw each other regularly for the most part. She moved away 2 years ago to an area about 2 hours away from our home town. We still kept in touch but neither of us went to see the other as life was always just busy. But we were always friendly on text but they dwindled a bit as well.

Anyway when i was organising the wedding I messaged her to say I know we haven’t been in touch as much but I’d love it if she (and her husband and kids) could come to the wedding, but I understood if it was too much of a hassle coming the 2 hours back this way. She replied immediately saying she’d definitely be coming and would there be a hen do etc. I said there would be but I hadn’t organised that yet so would be in touch and would also send out a formal invite.

I sent the invite, she RSVP’d immediately for the whole family including the meals they wanted etc. Once the hen was organised I sent her those details (night out in our home town. Meal and drinks). She replied great I’ll be there!

Two weeks before the hen party (which was 4 weeks before the wedding) she text to say she’d forgotten it was her nephews birthday the same day as the hen so she couldn’t come. It was quite a blunt text (for her) but I said no problem and I was looking forward to seeing her at the wedding. She replied with “yes me too. I have our hotel and train all booked!”

Day of the wedding arrived, and she just didn’t show. I checked her instagram and she’d been posting pictures of her family as normal the week leading up to the wedding as well as on the day on the wedding (they appeared to be at a park or similar on the day). I gave it a few days to see if she’d get in touch but nothing. One evening (after a few wines) I did send a passive aggressive text saying I assume you couldn’t make the wedding then? She read it and didn’t reply. So I just deleted and blocked her on everything.

It’s been a couple of months now and I’ve pretty much just forgotten all about it. But the other night I woke up and I’d had 4 missed calls. 3 were withheld numbers and 1 was her husbands number. One of the withheld numbers had left a voicemail which was just people laughing hysterically followed by someone (female but not my friend) saying bitch really loudly. No idea if it was her/related to her but I’m guessing it was due to her husbands number also ringing me within a few mins of that message.

I don’t really get what happened? She was always a normal person. Not flakey. A good friend. Not aggressive or rude. Just…. Normal. Yes we’d lost touch a bit but we’d never fallen out. I always messaged her happy birthday and she did the same. Yes my post wedding text was a bit PA but the fact she didn’t even bother to let me know she couldn’t come or even apologise after the fact did piss me off a bit. We’d paid for the whole families meals etc and there was 4 wasted seats. To just not get in touch at all was just rude in my opinion. I was quite happy to just forget about her and carry on. But then this weird phone call/voicemail happened and its brought it all back up again. Especially as it seems very out of character for her to be so almost malicious. She’s never been like that before. But I guess maybe she’s changed in the past 2 years. Who knows.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 13/08/2025 10:08

No idea why it wasn't on the calendar. Of course I apologised but it was too late I had really hurt her feelings no contact for every more. That was 20 + years ago.

I still feel awful about it now.

snowmichael · 13/08/2025 10:13

She pretty much showed you how much a friend she is with those calls
Block her, forget her, live a better life without her in it

Confusdworriedmum · 13/08/2025 10:45

You don't know her husband that well. For all you know he might be controlling and abusive. He might have warned her (or she knew) he'd make her life hell if she attended the wedd ing. Then you sent her a PA message and he said see she's not a real friend and all the other crap abusive partners come up with.
The phone messages are out of order though, even if she was encouraged to send them and I'd be annoyed about that.
Hopefully I'm wrong and she's just a shit friend.

BologneseGurl · 13/08/2025 10:53

Alltheyellowbirds · 12/08/2025 14:11

See if that’s what they were doing is it really very childish? She was trying to find out if she really had been blocked so got a friend to call husbands phone, and then when it connected friend panicked, giggled and hung up.

Show quote history

Yeah I think is still childish for a few reasons tbh :

  1. she had plenty of opportunities to apologise for her previous wedding no show
  2. it doesn’t explain the word ‘bitch’ that the OP heard
  3. the ‘friend’ didn’t have to have one of her female friends to phone - she could’ve used her husband’s phone to phone OP’s number herself !
Brunettesmorefun · 13/08/2025 11:27

Maddy70 · 13/08/2025 09:45

Honestly I was that person a long time ago.

Great friend from college but didn't see that much of her. Wedding invite came , I accepted, them completely forgot about it. on the day of the wedding , the date rang a bell. Nothing on the calender

A month or so later it hit me like a sledgehammer. She never spoke to me again

And rightly so. That is just bad manners.

Maddy70 · 13/08/2025 11:29

I totally agree with you. No idea how I forgot on so many levels. In slight defence there was no what's app groups back then , no Facebook just my shitty inability to write it on a calender

Original poster
Nowtinit · 13/08/2025 11:34

Confusdworriedmum · 13/08/2025 10:45

You don't know her husband that well. For all you know he might be controlling and abusive. He might have warned her (or she knew) he'd make her life hell if she attended the wedd ing. Then you sent her a PA message and he said see she's not a real friend and all the other crap abusive partners come up with.
The phone messages are out of order though, even if she was encouraged to send them and I'd be annoyed about that.
Hopefully I'm wrong and she's just a shit friend.

But if it was her husband doing all that why couldn’t she send a text to drop out? She managed it with the hen party. All I would have wanted was a text to either let me know she wasn’t coming or even an apology and reason after the fact. If she could text to cancel the hen and post on social media she can send a text to cancel the wedding. As I said before, it’s easy to lie! Blame illness!

Edited to add the PA text was a while after the wedding. She had time to message me. I didn’t send it the night of the wedding or anything.

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 13/08/2025 11:41

I completely understand why you’ve blocked her and you don’t want to contact her again, but I really want to know what the fuck her problem is.

DurinsBane · 13/08/2025 11:42

Nowtinit · 12/08/2025 13:47

Well her social media posts weren’t out of character. All of her social media has been totally normal before and after the wedding.

Show quote history

And SM often isn’t reflective of real life

DurinsBane · 13/08/2025 11:46

I would have definitely have returned the husbands call!

Iamnotalemming · 13/08/2025 11:49

I dont think you've been unreasonable at all.

But I dont think I could have stopped myself from asking her why the fuck she no showed for A WEDDING and didn't even bother explaining or apologising afterwards. The recent calls and vmail were really unpleasant and I'd want to know what on earth her problem is.

Noshowlomo · 13/08/2025 11:51

You’ve done nothing wrong OP.
I was a no show at a wedding once and text the bride the morning of, to say why. She hasn’t talked to me since and this was 20 years ago. It’s all a bit bonkers mind as she hasn’t really talked to the girls she did invite either, I think she only wanted a group of us there to look like she had friends.
I also had a no show at my wedding, the husband of my friend as they’d argued that morning. It is what it is! We move and all that.
One thing I didn’t do when I was the no show is make mad phone calls to the bride calling her a bitch down the phone!

The “think of her mental health” gymnastics on this thread are bonkers.
Keep them blocked OP, but make a note in case it happens again and you can report harassment.

Original poster
Nowtinit · 13/08/2025 11:58

DurinsBane · 13/08/2025 11:42

And SM often isn’t reflective of real life

Show quote history

It’s not but it indicates the person still has fingers and thumbs and can use a phone to send a very brief text.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nowtinit · 13/08/2025 12:01

Noshowlomo · 13/08/2025 11:51

You’ve done nothing wrong OP.
I was a no show at a wedding once and text the bride the morning of, to say why. She hasn’t talked to me since and this was 20 years ago. It’s all a bit bonkers mind as she hasn’t really talked to the girls she did invite either, I think she only wanted a group of us there to look like she had friends.
I also had a no show at my wedding, the husband of my friend as they’d argued that morning. It is what it is! We move and all that.
One thing I didn’t do when I was the no show is make mad phone calls to the bride calling her a bitch down the phone!

The “think of her mental health” gymnastics on this thread are bonkers.
Keep them blocked OP, but make a note in case it happens again and you can report harassment.

I wouldn’t call it a no show if you sent a text. While dropping out isn’t ideal things happen.

We actually had another elderly couple “drop out” on the day. They did warn us in advance though because the wife’s health wasn’t the best. We said no problem we will keep the seats open for you in case you can come. We preferred to take the risk and have the two spare seats and give them the chance. Sadly they couldn’t make it and the husband text us the morning of to let us know they couldn’t come and it was fine. Things happen. It’s just people who do a total disappearing act that baffles me!

OP posts:
Dontlletmedownbruce · 13/08/2025 13:10

The thing is, it's really bothering you. So while it's easy say F her she is in the wrong, that gives you no peace of mind. I think you should do whatever will help you move on a bit. I think if it were me I'd ring the husband back, that wouldn't be strange as you did get a missed call. Suss it out. It's very possible she forgot and felt bad but instead of owning it she just acted like a baby and ran away. Either way I'd be done with her but I think it would be good for you to get an explanation. If there were any mutual friends or acquaintances I'd be sussing them out too.

Sugargliderwombat · 13/08/2025 13:37

I think she must have thought your reply to the hen dropping out was stroppy / off / rude or whatever. Enough for her to think you were pissed off. I wonder if she can was lying about the nephews birthday and projecting a bit?

BoogieBoogieWoogie · 13/08/2025 13:59

Re "blocking" - how do you do that? DO you mean just blocking on your phone - so it blocks calls and texts? Or blocking on SM in which case it's each app?
Just curious

And why would you block the husband who (besides this recent occasion) never contacts you anyway?? That part seems a bit OTT

buswheels · 13/08/2025 14:23

She’s a bitch, and has been for a while, she’s also been married and presumably living with her husband for a while too. Don’t text or call him, he knows she’s a bitch and doesn’t care.

there is no explanation (other than the entirely plausible alien abduction someone suggested earlier) in reality other than shitty behaviour from a bitch. Don’t ask what happened or look for closure. She knows she behaved badly but is hardly going to have a big mea culpa and beg for forgiveness. This is who she is.

it’s a shame but chin up and keep moving forwards! Don’t let this take space in your head the issue is all hers.

(not the same at all but as my daughter became a teenager the inevitable teenage dramas over friendship happened, her ‘friends’ did all the excluding and bullying over invitations and going out and so on, it was hard for her and she took a lot of convincing but gradually she was able to completely ignore them, leave the social media just basically be a better person. When there was no reaction it all stopped, one has even been in contact to apologise, it was appreciated but meaningless my daughter has moved on)

buswheels · 13/08/2025 14:26

I’m not expressing myself very well, there is no grand explanation, her behaviour can’t be justified, she isn’t treating you badly because that’s what you deserve, she is treating you badly because that’s how she behaves.

if it wasn’t you it would be someone else.

BologneseGurl · 13/08/2025 14:33

DBD1975 · 12/08/2025 14:19

Please don't waste anymore time and energy on this. If you get in contact it could result in more late night calls they are obviously a bit bonkers and you don't need this stress in your life. They are not nice people, cut them off, block all numbers and move on.
Trust me OP karma always wins out in the end and nobody needs this drama.

Absolutely this OP

Original poster
Nowtinit · 13/08/2025 14:36

BoogieBoogieWoogie · 13/08/2025 13:59

Re "blocking" - how do you do that? DO you mean just blocking on your phone - so it blocks calls and texts? Or blocking on SM in which case it's each app?
Just curious

And why would you block the husband who (besides this recent occasion) never contacts you anyway?? That part seems a bit OTT

I blocked her number on my phone as well as both forms of social media I have her on.

I (obviously) didn’t bother blocking her husband to start with because yes he’s nothing to do with me. But why WOULDN’T I block someone if it’s looking like the number has been used to ring me in the middle of the night and is likely connected to a call possibly calling me a bitch? Why would I want to have that number able to call me again?

OP posts:
Girasole02 · 13/08/2025 14:46

Sadly, some people are just rude and thoughless. My chief bridesmaid ghosted me the day after the wedding. It's been 24 years and still narks me to this day.

BologneseGurl · 13/08/2025 14:57

SummerIsNotOverYet · 12/08/2025 14:50

What has happened here is that your "friend" has agreed to the hen and wedding without thinking it through and at the end of the day she couldn't be arsed to make the effort to go.

She's thoughtless and selfish and is too coward to tell you upfront that she doesn't want to go to your hen or wedding (or its too much of a faff for her) and she just kicked it into the long grass. She's not a friend so don't spend any more time thinking about it. You have a new married life and lots of nice things going on, just cut this boil out of your life. Just let it go.

I had a couple not turn up to my wedding. It was someone I was really close to at work. My numbers were really restricted but I wanted to invite her to the day. She never showed up. It cost me a lot of money, and the 2 empty seats were obvious. When I got back to work she told me her DH just didn't want to go. She didn't really care that much, and I let the friendship slide. She didn't see that actually I was restricted on numbers, and it cost me money. She was thoughtless.

You are in your 40's now. Don't waste precious time on people who are selfish and horrible.

Edited

I personally think this explanation is so true ..

mcmooberry · 13/08/2025 15:00

Have already commented but am still seething about it. I would have let her have it both barrels after the wedding, letting her know how rude she had been and stating the very obvious fact of how much it costs per head at a wedding and how those spaces could have gone to someone else with a bit of notice. If there had been zero social media activity then a family blow up which stopped her going might have been a forgivable explanation if she had even bothered to provide it.
Such a shame, the wedding would have been a great opportunity to reconnect with her.

BologneseGurl · 13/08/2025 15:09

SummerIsNotOverYet · 12/08/2025 14:50

What has happened here is that your "friend" has agreed to the hen and wedding without thinking it through and at the end of the day she couldn't be arsed to make the effort to go.

She's thoughtless and selfish and is too coward to tell you upfront that she doesn't want to go to your hen or wedding (or its too much of a faff for her) and she just kicked it into the long grass. She's not a friend so don't spend any more time thinking about it. You have a new married life and lots of nice things going on, just cut this boil out of your life. Just let it go.

I had a couple not turn up to my wedding. It was someone I was really close to at work. My numbers were really restricted but I wanted to invite her to the day. She never showed up. It cost me a lot of money, and the 2 empty seats were obvious. When I got back to work she told me her DH just didn't want to go. She didn't really care that much, and I let the friendship slide. She didn't see that actually I was restricted on numbers, and it cost me money. She was thoughtless.

You are in your 40's now. Don't waste precious time on people who are selfish and horrible.

Edited

Yeah as I’ve said in precious post - from what I’ve witnessed of people - no matter how ‘close’ they felt at one time - once their circumstances change - they often can’t be arsed. I’m specifically thinking of this particular situation:

All the way back in early 2003 I worked in an office - in a department full of young people - who reasonably quickly moved on to higher level jobs - often in other UK towns and cities. One young woman who was outgoing, confident and well liked, left to work in a city 150 miles away. She promised to come to ‘Alice’s’ leaving do the following week - who was also leaving to get another job in another town etc etc …

They seemed so friendly that the initial girl told Alice “oh I’ll definitely come next week hun” in the usual gushing, friendly way .. I’ll come down (ie travel 150 miles) for Alice’s leaving do!”

Well of course the initial young woman who was no doubt by now settled into her job 150 miles away DIDN’T come to Alice’s leaving do (quel surprise) but she did either text or call to let her know this.

I think no matter how friendly at one time people seem, once people go ‘out of range’ as it were - that’s it, they’re embroiled in their new life and don’t give a shit

Sorry to be blunt