Wedding no show. Was I unreasonable to block her?

[Nowtinit]

I got married earlier this year. It was a fairly big wedding. 100 guests with a sit down meal etc.

I used to have a friend who I was fairly close to back in the day. Knew each other from school. Had many a fun night out drinking in our youth as well as some holidays away etc. She got married and had her kids a few years back now (her children are 8 and 10 now) but we never lost contact and still saw each other regularly for the most part. She moved away 2 years ago to an area about 2 hours away from our home town. We still kept in touch but neither of us went to see the other as life was always just busy. But we were always friendly on text but they dwindled a bit as well.

Anyway when i was organising the wedding I messaged her to say I know we haven’t been in touch as much but I’d love it if she (and her husband and kids) could come to the wedding, but I understood if it was too much of a hassle coming the 2 hours back this way. She replied immediately saying she’d definitely be coming and would there be a hen do etc. I said there would be but I hadn’t organised that yet so would be in touch and would also send out a formal invite.

I sent the invite, she RSVP’d immediately for the whole family including the meals they wanted etc. Once the hen was organised I sent her those details (night out in our home town. Meal and drinks). She replied great I’ll be there!

Two weeks before the hen party (which was 4 weeks before the wedding) she text to say she’d forgotten it was her nephews birthday the same day as the hen so she couldn’t come. It was quite a blunt text (for her) but I said no problem and I was looking forward to seeing her at the wedding. She replied with “yes me too. I have our hotel and train all booked!”

Day of the wedding arrived, and she just didn’t show. I checked her instagram and she’d been posting pictures of her family as normal the week leading up to the wedding as well as on the day on the wedding (they appeared to be at a park or similar on the day). I gave it a few days to see if she’d get in touch but nothing. One evening (after a few wines) I did send a passive aggressive text saying I assume you couldn’t make the wedding then? She read it and didn’t reply. So I just deleted and blocked her on everything.

It’s been a couple of months now and I’ve pretty much just forgotten all about it. But the other night I woke up and I’d had 4 missed calls. 3 were withheld numbers and 1 was her husbands number. One of the withheld numbers had left a voicemail which was just people laughing hysterically followed by someone (female but not my friend) saying bitch really loudly. No idea if it was her/related to her but I’m guessing it was due to her husbands number also ringing me within a few mins of that message.

I don’t really get what happened? She was always a normal person. Not flakey. A good friend. Not aggressive or rude. Just…. Normal. Yes we’d lost touch a bit but we’d never fallen out. I always messaged her happy birthday and she did the same. Yes my post wedding text was a bit PA but the fact she didn’t even bother to let me know she couldn’t come or even apologise after the fact did piss me off a bit. We’d paid for the whole families meals etc and there was 4 wasted seats. To just not get in touch at all was just rude in my opinion. I was quite happy to just forget about her and carry on. But then this weird phone call/voicemail happened and its brought it all back up again. Especially as it seems very out of character for her to be so almost malicious. She’s never been like that before. But I guess maybe she’s changed in the past 2 years. Who knows.

Personally, I would not have blocked her, and waited to see how she might respond/deal (or not).

YANBU. This person's behaviour was, to put it mildly, extremely rude. Maybe something has happened in her life to make her behave so badly, but this is her problem not yours, you don't owe her anything.
My advice would be to do nothing, don't contact her, don't waste your time and mental energy wondering about her. Just enjoy your marriage!

I would probably have checked in with her right away after the wedding to make sure she was OK (or asked someone else like my mum, sibling, or MOH to do so if I was heading out immediately on my honeymoon and couldn't). But she could have done the same and contacted you directly or indirectly immediately after the wedding if an emergency prevented her from doing so on the day. I also don't think your text was that bad; it certainly wasn't WORSE than no-showing at someone's wedding and doing nothing for a whole week to explain or let them know you're OK.

I'd leave it now; obviously she can reach you on her husband's number if she wants to explain or discuss what happened, and regardless of her reason for missing the wedding (and anything you might have done or she thinks you did that upset her) she has been really rude and inconsiderate.

I very much doubt she had anything booked at all. I think she just texted what she thought OP would want to hear (yes I’d love to come) without any intention of coming at all. The nephew excuse for the hen do is so see through! Such a pathetic lie. And she just couldn’t be arsed to say she wasn’t coming on the day.

Eh? OP DID message her but got no reply. She says so in her OP.

YY, I found myself scrolling just to see what other insane 'excuses' total strangers were coming up with for someone's crappy behaviour 😂 She's posting old pictures from a hospital bed?! Sure, Janet, doesn't everybody do that.

Just move on op, she's clearly awful

She was abducted by aliens on the day she invited herself to your wedding. As she hadn't put the details on her calendar yet, the replacement was unaware of her commitment.

The hysterical phone call was actually made from the scene of her murder. Her phone pocket-dialled you as she was being stabbed by a group of cackling women screaming "Bitch!". The husband rang because he was trying to find out where she was. The murderers posted fake SM updates to her account.

As above, but the cackling women were her husband's other wife and daughter. He orchestrated the murder and posted the updates. He rang your number to see who she'd called, but realised you've been out of touch so he isn't too worried.

She and her family are in witness protection. They're not supposed to use their phones, which is why she withheld her number, but then realised there was no sensible message she could leave you. The husband panicked and nearly left you a melodramatic plea not to tell anyone you'd heard from them, before realising that would just create more problems. The cackling/screaming noises were from a horror movie DVD that was on the shelves at the safe house.

Following an overnight mini-stroke, she has no recollection of that day and will be very surprised to see her own posts of the family day out. She has no idea she phoned you or who she was with. When her memories start to come back, she'll be mortified that she missed your wedding.

Or maybe she's a bit of a twat ...

They were at a park

She's rude. And I can't believe the amount of people here that seem to be bending over backwards to make excuses for her, saying she might have been ill etc. No wonder some people get walked all over.

Her ketamine habit's got really bad lately. She's forever making arrangements and forgetting about them. She's unpredictable, staying out late with 'friends' she's only just met, and her husband spends half his nights trying to track her down and bring her home safely. The family day out did happen but the photos don't show her stomping about in a sad daze, going "Huh?"

I'm having too much fun with his! Need to go to sleep 😏

Absolutely not. Do you know who pretends to believe blocking people is childish? The sort of people that need to be blocked.

She was deliberately nasty and used up four of your wedding invitations with no attempt at all at an explanation. She also clearly lied about all the preparations she had been making for the day.

If I had to guess, I would say that she has been nursing a grudge against you for a long, long time and this was her petty revenge.

And since she was still able to get at you through her husband's phone she could have sent you a message and asked why you blocked her, or offered an explanation. Instead she tried to harass you like a teenage bully.

Always block nasty people (and anyone who does something nasty no matter their excuse) and always trust your gut on this.

Refusing to engage further with bullies, liars, trouble makers etc and removing oxygen from their attempted dramatics is the absolutely correct and adult thing to do.

How long after sending the message did you block her on everything? I know you said she read it but if you only waited a couple of hours for a reply before blocking maybe that wasn't long enough for her to work out what she was going to say, maybe she genuinely forgot? Maybe she was working out how to apologise and how she could make it up to you? Bit you blocked her before she had chance so she's now annoyed she doesn't have the chance.

Unless the social media posts specifically say they were at that park that day it could have been pics from another time, I sometimes only upload the week after we etc. And if she did genuinely forget then she would have been elsewhere that day.

I know it's not something she should forget easily and should be in calendars etc but life does get busy for everyone and these things happen.

Oh no wait, she was abducted by aliens! That was it, of course. That's the reason she deliberately didn't turn up for your wedding and then after you waited several days still did not apologise, then chose to read but totally ignore your text, and then some months later phoned you to shout abuse at you from her husband's phone.

😅😂😉

If it walks like a fuckhead and acts like a fuckhead, it's a fuckhead.

She said she waited 48 hours

She sounds self absorbed - like many people these days. You’re better off without her.

Sorry I couldn't see that in the posts, yeah okay maybe she did have plenty of time to reply then, very odd behaviour.

She sounds dreadful OP.

Personally I probably wouldn’t have blocked because I would be intrigued to see if she ever responded 😂 but if your instinct was that she wouldn’t, then perhaps for the best.

She sounds extremely rude, and the phone call thing was wildly immature. Just move on from this idiot.

She was wrong and she knows it. Clearly not the friend you thought and you are better off with out her

You phone her!
& behave like two adults capable of a conversation, rather than sending text messages.

that’s how you start to know if she’s really ok and then broach the subject of why she’s missed your wedding.

it could be domestic abuse, bullying, or a mental health issue, something else, or everything.
things you don’t learn unless your told in a text, but can pick up on in conversation.

There are no excuses for her poor no show behaviour.

I think the drunken message says enough and adds insult to injury.

Keep her blocked, there’s nothing to salvage here 💐

I’m sorry that happened and can’t think why someone would act like that. But you sound so nice and reasonable. Some people are just odd!

Genius theory.🤣🤣🤣🤣proper lol

But I know which one I'm going for...

She had every opportunity to apology and explain on the day of the wedding, in the few days afterwards before she was blocked, or after the OP sent her a message and she still didn’t respond. 🤷‍♀️.

This. Do not bloody write to her husband. Youve blocked her for a reason. Unless she’s trying to het hold of you to apologise and explain then you do not need to engage in drama