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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think DP hijacked my holiday

213 replies

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:11

We are a step family and this summer took DP and his children back to my home country to meet my extended family for the first time. It was the first time they’d been there, and the first time meeting my family members. So it was a big deal for me and them.

it was also our first holiday together in 3 years.

in the run up to it both DP and I had been stressed, but we’d actually had some good conversations and worked through it. And we were all looking forward to the holiday.

Well the issue is he made the holiday all about his son, and it really got to me.

it started on the plane. We’ve got two kids each - ranging from 10-14. We were all happy and excited. DP sat next to his son (10) and started doing selfies together and giggling through the whole flight. Would have thought kids could have sat together and us as a couple.

then at the resort all the kids ran off to play on the beach. I felt a moment of wellbeing, but one second later DP was off following his son around to get scenic shots of him on the beach.

anyway that continued all holiday. To an extreme extent. He took around 100 photos a day of his son (bear in mind he’s got 2 children- he completely neglected the other one)
he posted every night- and sometimes several times during the day to Facebook, instagram and his family WhatsApp chat. Photos of his son, his‘special boy’.
he never included any of the rest of us, or any mention of why we were there- to meet my family.

since we’ve been back he’s still posting unseen shots every day.

and now he’s making into a book.

am I right to be feeling massively left out??

the thing is I couldn’t work out what to say that wouldn’t sound ridiculous.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 12/08/2025 10:14

That poor other child.

myplace · 12/08/2025 10:18

You are unreasonable to let his behaviour impact your holiday with your family. You, your dc and his other child should have been having the time of your life and ignoring him.

However his behaviour is appalling. I couldn’t stay with him, to be honest.

Is there any reason for this? Does he live with his other dc and only see the boy occasionally? Anything that might explain it?

I’d have a conversation with him about how unhealthy it is. If he listens and gets therapy to
unpack it, consider staying together. Otherwise, no way.

Cherrysoup · 12/08/2025 10:20

Did you not have serious chats with him whilst away? Why did he neglect his other child? Is she a girl?

MounjaroMounjaro · 12/08/2025 10:21

I'd dump him and I'd tell his XP and anyone else who would listen about his attitude towards his other child.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/08/2025 10:23

I feel so sorry for his other child! I’m assuming this is a daughter as you keep referring to “his son” - sounds like he’s only interested in his boy?

I’d be understanding if he really wanted to spend time with his children but leaving one out and only focussing on the other is horrible.

GCAcademic · 12/08/2025 10:23

How can you have any respect or liking for someone who treats his children with such evident and callous disparity?

Ponoka7 · 12/08/2025 10:24

You could easily address this by asking why only one child is favoured. Unless one is a moody teen who doesn't want their picture taken? A ten year old on a foreign beach should be watched closely. It was a family holiday on top of you going back home. Has he had a holiday with his children in three years?

1apenny2apenny · 12/08/2025 10:26

Also am willing to guess other child is a girl and this is cultural?

ForZanyAquaViewer · 12/08/2025 10:26

I am baffled that this post is about him not sitting with you on the plane and all that other nonsense, as opposed to about him ignoring one of his kids.

You’re both coming across as pretty awful, imo.

Pickthrough · 12/08/2025 10:29

I don't think it's unreasonable for him to focus on his children and your objection to the plane seating arrangements is odd, but focusing on one child is outrageous.

Why is that? Is the other child older? A girl? Is he normally like that with them? Does the 10yo need a lot of attention/entertaining in a way the other doesn't want? How was the other child?

It sounds like his behaviour was off, and there are some serious concerns about his parenting/relationships with his children, but I don't think a father spending quality time with his child should be something that ruined your holiday. Away with 4 children, and seeing extended family, I wouldn't expect there to be much couple time.

Original poster
Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:30

Yes his other child is a moody teen who he lives with full time. The 10 year old is his ‘baby’ and he sees him every other weekend- but more if he can.

so he feels the need to look after his baby and over compensate for not being there.

the moody teen beats up the 10 year old any chance he gets which is why DP tries to keep them apart.

that’s a dynamic that has never changed.

it was embarrassing for me being completely neglected by DP while on holiday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:31

Cherrysoup · 12/08/2025 10:20

Did you not have serious chats with him whilst away? Why did he neglect his other child? Is she a girl?

I wanted to talk to him about it but couldn’t work out what to say that wouldn’t sound like telling him not to take pictures of his son.

OP posts:
Zempy · 12/08/2025 10:33

He sounds weird.

Original poster
Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:34

Pickthrough · 12/08/2025 10:29

I don't think it's unreasonable for him to focus on his children and your objection to the plane seating arrangements is odd, but focusing on one child is outrageous.

Why is that? Is the other child older? A girl? Is he normally like that with them? Does the 10yo need a lot of attention/entertaining in a way the other doesn't want? How was the other child?

It sounds like his behaviour was off, and there are some serious concerns about his parenting/relationships with his children, but I don't think a father spending quality time with his child should be something that ruined your holiday. Away with 4 children, and seeing extended family, I wouldn't expect there to be much couple time.

Yes but he could have taken 3 pictures of his son per day- not 100. I know because he counted them up every night and told me.

he only took 3 of me the whole holiday.

I was trying to capture’our family’ and all the children playing together. But after the first 2 days I just gave up because he was always there first siphoning off his son for‘special’ shots

OP posts:
Pickthrough · 12/08/2025 10:34

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:30

Yes his other child is a moody teen who he lives with full time. The 10 year old is his ‘baby’ and he sees him every other weekend- but more if he can.

so he feels the need to look after his baby and over compensate for not being there.

the moody teen beats up the 10 year old any chance he gets which is why DP tries to keep them apart.

that’s a dynamic that has never changed.

it was embarrassing for me being completely neglected by DP while on holiday.

Tbh you sound a bit spoiled.

I'd feel for the older boy, but your update explains that and he probably doesn't want so much of his dad's attention anyway (although might benefit from it!), but being "negected" on a holiday with 4 children that was all about seeing your family?

Weren't you doing things with your DC and their relatives?

Rainbowqueeen · 12/08/2025 10:37

His dynamic with his kids is so messed up and so harmful to both children I’d have to walk away. I would want no part of that.

And you’re right, he also treated you badly. Time to end it

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/08/2025 10:38

Why are you with him?! He’s an appalling father and your perspective is way off.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 12/08/2025 10:40

So quite possibly moody teen didn't want to go and probably didn't want any pics either. Was it Dad and younger child's first big holiday together? It does sound a bit OTT with the amount he took but I would expect him to prioritise spending time with the children

GeniuneWorkOfFart · 12/08/2025 10:41

Good grief.

This sounds very unhealthy for everyone involved.

Why are you even with him?

Campingisnexttogodliness · 12/08/2025 10:41

Imo if your parenting isn't similar it won't ever work. Disney df's make me queasy... The poor teen tbh. Time to call it a day op.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 12/08/2025 10:45

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:30

Yes his other child is a moody teen who he lives with full time. The 10 year old is his ‘baby’ and he sees him every other weekend- but more if he can.

so he feels the need to look after his baby and over compensate for not being there.

the moody teen beats up the 10 year old any chance he gets which is why DP tries to keep them apart.

that’s a dynamic that has never changed.

it was embarrassing for me being completely neglected by DP while on holiday.

the moody teen beats up the 10 year old any chance he gets which is why DP tries to keep them apart.

What the actual fuck am I reading? What is with all these threads today?!

ForZanyAquaViewer · 12/08/2025 10:47

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:30

Yes his other child is a moody teen who he lives with full time. The 10 year old is his ‘baby’ and he sees him every other weekend- but more if he can.

so he feels the need to look after his baby and over compensate for not being there.

the moody teen beats up the 10 year old any chance he gets which is why DP tries to keep them apart.

that’s a dynamic that has never changed.

it was embarrassing for me being completely neglected by DP while on holiday.

Again, how is it that you’re writing the things that you’re writing and your main issue is that it was embarrassing for me being completely neglected by DP while on holiday?

AugustSlippedAwayIntoAMomentInTime · 12/08/2025 10:48

I would dump this horrible person. Who treats their children like this: favouring one grossly while ignoring the other constantly? Who wants to be with someone who acts like this?

I would also raise your concerns with their respective schools as a safeguarding concern (neglect) re the older one.

PulchritudinousLycanthrope · 12/08/2025 10:48

I would bring this relationship to a close PDQ.

He sounds awful and is actively damaging his kids. I would not want to stick around to see the outcome of that shitshow.

Ellie1015 · 12/08/2025 10:49

If moody teen doesn't get on with 10 year old and beats up 10 year old then of course they couldn't sit on plane together and dh needs to supervise more closely.

The photos of one child seem a bit ott but presumably he was excited to spend time with his 10 year old and teen wasn't willing to participate. Bit odd not to have any shots of the rest of the group though.

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