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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DP hijacked my holiday

213 replies

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:11

We are a step family and this summer took DP and his children back to my home country to meet my extended family for the first time. It was the first time they’d been there, and the first time meeting my family members. So it was a big deal for me and them.

it was also our first holiday together in 3 years.

in the run up to it both DP and I had been stressed, but we’d actually had some good conversations and worked through it. And we were all looking forward to the holiday.

Well the issue is he made the holiday all about his son, and it really got to me.

it started on the plane. We’ve got two kids each - ranging from 10-14. We were all happy and excited. DP sat next to his son (10) and started doing selfies together and giggling through the whole flight. Would have thought kids could have sat together and us as a couple.

then at the resort all the kids ran off to play on the beach. I felt a moment of wellbeing, but one second later DP was off following his son around to get scenic shots of him on the beach.

anyway that continued all holiday. To an extreme extent. He took around 100 photos a day of his son (bear in mind he’s got 2 children- he completely neglected the other one)
he posted every night- and sometimes several times during the day to Facebook, instagram and his family WhatsApp chat. Photos of his son, his‘special boy’.
he never included any of the rest of us, or any mention of why we were there- to meet my family.

since we’ve been back he’s still posting unseen shots every day.

and now he’s making into a book.

am I right to be feeling massively left out??

the thing is I couldn’t work out what to say that wouldn’t sound ridiculous.

OP posts:
Skybluepinky · 12/08/2025 12:30

Get rid of him!

Northerngirl821 · 12/08/2025 12:31

If you want a partner who prioritises you over everything else then you need to find someone who doesn’t have young children.

The family dynamics on his side sound a bit worrying but if he only sees his son every other weekend then of course he’s going to want to sit with him on the plane and make a big fuss of him. I can imagine that’s a long time for a ten year old to be away from his mum who he normally lives with, plus dealing with two children and another adult he doesn’t know very well and a hostile older sibling, so he probably would need plenty of reassurance and attention.

TheCurious0range · 12/08/2025 12:31

It sounds like he is overcompensating because he sees the youngest less and lives with the older child and yours by the sounds of it. Is it OTT yes, but DH and I only have shared DC and I don't expect holidays to be about attention on me, that's a bit weird too.

CopperWhite · 12/08/2025 12:33

If he doesn’t live with his children he is right to prioritise them
over you when they go on holiday, and it’s still their holiday even if it was to visit your family. His children do not need and probably don’t want to be all about your family, they already have their own.

It’s weird that he didn’t show both of his children the same attention though, and even weirder that you are more concerned about his lack of attention to you than his other child.

BunnyLake · 12/08/2025 12:36

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:55

Yes the older teen wouldn’t want to be in so many photos.

it was the fact that he’s now making a book about it that has tipped me over the edge.

the trip was to my homeland to learn about my heritage and meet my family. Now he’s making a book about that which will only feature his special boy in a range of scenic shots.

aside from all the parenting issues which are on going but truthfully not much different to other brothers I know (there is always some degree of beating up of the younger by the older. Maybe beating up is far too strong a term.) but aside from those issues- I was annoyed at being neglected on my holiday.

No there isn’t. Don’t normalise older brothers beating up their younger ones. I have two boys and they never ever did that. That is what would concern me. What is your dp doing about it?

Me and my ex never sat next to each other on planes we’d have the kids between us or one each.

So are you now saying he doesn’t beat his brother up (it was just hyperbole?).

viques · 12/08/2025 12:36

Maybe he was trying to give you and your children more time and space with their relatives, who I assume the children have hardly met.

The moody teen was off being a moody teen so your OH was making the best of it by making sure his 10year old, who let’s face it probably wasn’t that bothered about meeting your family as such, had a good time.

your title talks about him hijacking your holiday. Hmmm.

Alltheyellowbirds · 12/08/2025 12:37

Skybluepinky · 12/08/2025 12:30

Get rid of him!

Really? Because he spent time giving attention to a ten year old child instead of fawning over the adult OP?

DBD1975 · 12/08/2025 12:39

All that needs to happen is you need to sit down and talk about the situation. You are not being unreasonable at all so just ask him to reflect on the holiday and if he thinks anything could have gone better or been done differently.
Be prepared for the fact your DP might say some things you don't like or might not be aware of but it will also give you the opportunity to address your DP's behaviour.
I would also be speaking to the moody teen and getting her take on the situation and perhaps providing her with the opportunity to say how she feels.
Very sad situation which needs addressing but if done in the right way not unresolvable.

Edenmum2 · 12/08/2025 12:43

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:34

Yes but he could have taken 3 pictures of his son per day- not 100. I know because he counted them up every night and told me.

he only took 3 of me the whole holiday.

I was trying to capture’our family’ and all the children playing together. But after the first 2 days I just gave up because he was always there first siphoning off his son for‘special’ shots

Show quote history

I mean, your DP sounds like a prick for other reasons but I absolutely take more than 3 pics of my child while on holiday and definitely take more of her than of my DH. I think that’s very normal.

you don’t sound secure and it sounds like a bad relationship for everyone.

HeroicFailure · 12/08/2025 12:43

CopperWhite · 12/08/2025 12:33

If he doesn’t live with his children he is right to prioritise them
over you when they go on holiday, and it’s still their holiday even if it was to visit your family. His children do not need and probably don’t want to be all about your family, they already have their own.

It’s weird that he didn’t show both of his children the same attention though, and even weirder that you are more concerned about his lack of attention to you than his other child.

Well, I don't disagree with the thrust of your post in general, but as the mother of a 13.5 year old, he's at the stage where he wants far less parental attention, and is pretty peer-focused. He certainly ABSOLUTELY does not want to be photographed, at all.

I don't have a younger child, but if I did, and were on holiday with them both, I imagine it could easily look to a hostile observer as if I were prioritising the younger child over the older, but in fact I would be responding to the wishes of both.

Pickthrough · 12/08/2025 12:45

What did he say when you told him how it was making you feel, or that you'd like some pic of all of you? You don't seem to have done that, either during or after the holiday?

ShiftingSand · 12/08/2025 12:46

Pickthrough · 12/08/2025 10:34

Tbh you sound a bit spoiled.

I'd feel for the older boy, but your update explains that and he probably doesn't want so much of his dad's attention anyway (although might benefit from it!), but being "negected" on a holiday with 4 children that was all about seeing your family?

Weren't you doing things with your DC and their relatives?

Show quote history

It’s obvious that the teen is jealous of the attention that their younger brother receives from his father, hence the physical abuse. I know this because it happened in my family. The op sounds a bit needy, however. She could have had a nice time while ignoring all the photo situations. The ten year old is a child at the end of the day and needs attention from his father.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 12/08/2025 12:47

Did your partner realise it was 'the trip was to my homeland to learn about my heritage and meet my family.

did / do he or his children want to know about your heritage ?

did they meet your family - which clearly is the important thing

or did he just think it was a holiday to your homeland and an opportunity to spend lots of time with his youngest child ?

who paid ?

GAJLY · 12/08/2025 12:58

He kept them separated as you said the eldest tends to beat him up. He was bonding with a child he doesn't see often. Perhaps he went too far? He found it easier to leave you with the sullen child and have fun with the youngest. The holiday was a different thing for everyone. For you it was about meeting family and connecting with roots, for him it was to enjoy with his youngest. Me personally, I think it would have been better to leave the children behind, if you wanted his full attention. Did you get to do what you wanted to?

Cherrysoup · 12/08/2025 13:02

I see 2 brothers at work, the younger is usually manhandled by the older. I have reported this and obviously stopped it when I see it. I hate to think about how the older one behaves when at home.

It’s a terrible shame that you didn’t enjoy the holiday but I don't think it was about you. 100 photos a day is not normal, but I can kind of understand the obsession/novelty for your dp, although I think his behaviour is guaranteed to upset the older son and ignoring you was shitty. Do both boys have the same mum? (Not relevant, probably, I’m just interested in the set up)

kleverklogs · 12/08/2025 13:12

Do you think he is trying to make the mother of the 10 year old jealous / rub her face in it?

In any case, yes his behaviour is very self-centred and I would also be pissed off.

What are you going to do about it OP?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 12/08/2025 13:14

I think there is a line between supervising, prioritising and generally looking after DC which is reasonable and not ignoring the rest of the group, especially if you are half of a couple and you leave your partner looking after the moody teen.

The teen probably not going be made any less moody or easier to handle by being left with his Dad's girlfriend and watching his dad making a huge fuss over younger sibling. If you as his GF could see it - the Teen certainly could and I do think that is a very damaging way to treat a child, moody or otherwise.

I think he sounds very self centred, very into showing off on social media too. He can get better pictures with the cute happy 10 year old, than with the moody Teen. Shame on him.

Did you actually stay with your extended family? ie were they hosting you? if so, then yes he absolutely should have made an effort to interact with them, and not just a cursory hello before pursuing his own interests. He was staying with family and not in a hotel.. and I can understand if you feel that he appeared neglectful of you to your family, that would be humiliating. That would be another strike as far as I am concerned. Don't agree to come and meet someone's family, and whilst there show little interest in the partner or the family.

It sounds like there wasn't much discussion about how you would both spend your time on holiday, and that you both had very different ideas about how it would go. Eg.. booking seats on the airplane. Who made all the travel arrangements? Didn't he consult you?
Did you have to sit with the Moody Teen and your two DC? How does MT treat them? If he's ok with them, then its definitely a brother dynamic created by his Dad.
I can understand that if it was your first holiday in three years and first as a couple that it would have been disappointing not to have a least a little attention from him. Have you said anything to him about it?

He lives with his teen, not you, from your earlier post. Who was paying for the holiday BTW? Did he pay his way, considering the free accomodation?

MyLittleNest · 12/08/2025 13:14

You can't fault DP for loving his child and savoring this time when he is still young enough to want to be around his dad, unlike the moody teen. If there hasn't been a holiday in three years then I can see where DP was really trying to make some major memories here with his son.

It sounds like the issue is that DP didn't do a great time balancing his time.The book....I don't think it's the best idea because even if his other child didn't want photos taken, they will inevitably feel left out.

As for how you feel about all of this, I don't think that there is anything you could say or expect that will make this relationship be what you want it to be. His absolute priority is his son, you sound very resentful of this and of the child himself, and I think it's probably best for everyone, especially the children, if you part ways.

TwoWheelz · 12/08/2025 13:25

Tell him need to make the eldest feel treasured and special and well regarded each day . Tell him to build a stronger bond with her/him and find a shared weekly hobby with the eldest. The favouritism is so clear and he is the one creating hostility between the siblings. The hitting will linked to the favouritism. More effort with the eldest would result in a happier sibling relationship.

BruisedNeckMeat · 12/08/2025 13:27

All else aside, I can’t imagine the SDC were sold the holiday on the basis it was to learn about their dad’s girlfriend’s heritage and meet her family.

You are being a bit of a spoiled baby.

NancyJoan · 12/08/2025 13:33

I think you are unrealistic to imagine a family holiday with 4 pre teens and teens was ever going to afford you much couple time.

Do you live together?

Crazymayfly · 12/08/2025 13:38

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:55

Yes the older teen wouldn’t want to be in so many photos.

it was the fact that he’s now making a book about it that has tipped me over the edge.

the trip was to my homeland to learn about my heritage and meet my family. Now he’s making a book about that which will only feature his special boy in a range of scenic shots.

aside from all the parenting issues which are on going but truthfully not much different to other brothers I know (there is always some degree of beating up of the younger by the older. Maybe beating up is far too strong a term.) but aside from those issues- I was annoyed at being neglected on my holiday.

That poor teen - no wonder they’re so moody! Their dad makes them feel like second best all of the time, and it’s no on at all. It doesn’t encourage a nice blended family vibe. And that’s unfair on you when you’re trying your best.

Your partner is behaving like a nob - it’s going to cause resentment which will come out in the future and split the family.

Seasonofthesticks · 12/08/2025 13:38

He sounds weird as fuck but has he not displayed this kind of behaviour before?

POTC · 12/08/2025 13:42

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:55

Yes the older teen wouldn’t want to be in so many photos.

it was the fact that he’s now making a book about it that has tipped me over the edge.

the trip was to my homeland to learn about my heritage and meet my family. Now he’s making a book about that which will only feature his special boy in a range of scenic shots.

aside from all the parenting issues which are on going but truthfully not much different to other brothers I know (there is always some degree of beating up of the younger by the older. Maybe beating up is far too strong a term.) but aside from those issues- I was annoyed at being neglected on my holiday.

I have two boys, they don't do anything that could ever be described in that way to each other. I also have two brothers, and they never did either.

NoSuchBass · 12/08/2025 13:43

How was it your holiday? You took 2 adults and 4 kids. Not the others 5's holiday then?