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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DP hijacked my holiday

213 replies

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:11

We are a step family and this summer took DP and his children back to my home country to meet my extended family for the first time. It was the first time they’d been there, and the first time meeting my family members. So it was a big deal for me and them.

it was also our first holiday together in 3 years.

in the run up to it both DP and I had been stressed, but we’d actually had some good conversations and worked through it. And we were all looking forward to the holiday.

Well the issue is he made the holiday all about his son, and it really got to me.

it started on the plane. We’ve got two kids each - ranging from 10-14. We were all happy and excited. DP sat next to his son (10) and started doing selfies together and giggling through the whole flight. Would have thought kids could have sat together and us as a couple.

then at the resort all the kids ran off to play on the beach. I felt a moment of wellbeing, but one second later DP was off following his son around to get scenic shots of him on the beach.

anyway that continued all holiday. To an extreme extent. He took around 100 photos a day of his son (bear in mind he’s got 2 children- he completely neglected the other one)
he posted every night- and sometimes several times during the day to Facebook, instagram and his family WhatsApp chat. Photos of his son, his‘special boy’.
he never included any of the rest of us, or any mention of why we were there- to meet my family.

since we’ve been back he’s still posting unseen shots every day.

and now he’s making into a book.

am I right to be feeling massively left out??

the thing is I couldn’t work out what to say that wouldn’t sound ridiculous.

OP posts:
MrsPerfect12 · 12/08/2025 11:20

This should be a deal breaker. If you’re blending a family you’d think you’d be taking pictures of all the children as well as individual and create a book for you all. As well as sending group photos to the family.

I can bet you’ll bring this up, he’ll gaslight you to make you unreasonable and this will go on and on.
He’s shown you who he is. This won’t change.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 12/08/2025 11:22

There was another thread on here yesterday about moody teens on holiday and the advice was overwhelming to leave them to get on with being moody and the rest of you carry on what you are doing. Dynamics are different on holiday to every day and the father may have a perfectly normal day to day relationship with the older child who lives with him permanently. The major concern is the use of the term beating up. Does OP mean it in the adult sense as or in sibling rough play that sometimes gets out of hand?

TabbyCatInAPoolofSunshine · 12/08/2025 11:22

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:55

Yes the older teen wouldn’t want to be in so many photos.

it was the fact that he’s now making a book about it that has tipped me over the edge.

the trip was to my homeland to learn about my heritage and meet my family. Now he’s making a book about that which will only feature his special boy in a range of scenic shots.

aside from all the parenting issues which are on going but truthfully not much different to other brothers I know (there is always some degree of beating up of the younger by the older. Maybe beating up is far too strong a term.) but aside from those issues- I was annoyed at being neglected on my holiday.

The teen probably hates his brother because the youngest is his father's very, very obvious favourite golden child. You couldn't create a more toxic sibling environment if you were a psychopathic social scientist who decided to deliberately experiment on your own children.

I have two boys - both teens- and the older one actually booked time off work to hang out with the youger one this summer, completely their idea. The relationship doesn't have to be toxic.

tachetastic · 12/08/2025 11:23

@Strategies25 I don't know about DP making your holiday all about his DS, but you're making the issue all about you.

Was the sulky teen okay about being completely left out of all the father-son bonding? And was a single photo taken of your own kids with his son, or a selfie of your DH with all the kids?

I am not really worried about a man prioritising time with his son over his partner when on holiday, especially a child he does not live with, but I think overtly and excessively favouring one child over others is not on, unless the other kids have the opportunity to participate in activities/selfies and choose not to.

Maddy70 · 12/08/2025 11:25

Yabu. You are with a dad , you are not his priority and neither should you expect to be the only one I feel sorry for is the other son, but maybe at his age he doesn't want the photos etc which is understandable. Teen years are different from a ten year old.

I would question whether you are cut out for the step parent role as it is thankless in all honesty

ShoeeMcfee · 12/08/2025 11:28

All sounds terrible. Get rid of your DP.

Blobbitymacblob · 12/08/2025 11:29

Your op brought the quote from The Talented Mr Ripley to mind

”The thing with Dickie... it's like the sun shines on you, and it's glorious. And then he forgets you and it's very, very cold”

pinkyredrose · 12/08/2025 11:36

The older son physically abuses the younger son? Kind of feeling sorry for him.

Winter2020 · 12/08/2025 11:39

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:55

Yes the older teen wouldn’t want to be in so many photos.

it was the fact that he’s now making a book about it that has tipped me over the edge.

the trip was to my homeland to learn about my heritage and meet my family. Now he’s making a book about that which will only feature his special boy in a range of scenic shots.

aside from all the parenting issues which are on going but truthfully not much different to other brothers I know (there is always some degree of beating up of the younger by the older. Maybe beating up is far too strong a term.) but aside from those issues- I was annoyed at being neglected on my holiday.

Sounds like you are jealous of a child to me and not mature enough to let the kids come first on a holiday.

Perhaps to them it was a holiday and they are not that interested in learning about your heritage and homeland?

I think it takes a lot of maturity and sacrifice on behalf of the adults to make a blended family work and it doesn’t sound like yours is going to.

fruitbrewhaha · 12/08/2025 11:44

He sounds like a bit of a dick. All that photo taking.

Hithismyname · 12/08/2025 11:46

His behaviour isn't ideal but people are making out like he's the worst person in the world. He doesn't live with this child full time and is probably feeling guilty and wants him to be included. I think you probably feel more annoyed that you have been left out which isn't great either. How is his relationshio with the teenager when the other child isn't around? It's hard to get on or holiday with a moody teenager who certainly wouldnt want photos taken etc anyway. I'd still be having words with him though about how unincluded you feel, best just to say how you are feeling

arcticpandas · 12/08/2025 11:46

You sound a bit precious OP tbh. Ofcourse his children will be his main focus fgs. You should follow his lead.

gannett · 12/08/2025 11:46

It's also possible that, given that the entire holiday was centred around the OP, he realised his son might not have been quite so excited to meet her extended family and watch her learning about her heritage. And instead of sulking and complaining of being neglected, he just took his son off to do their own thing instead.

MyQuirkyTraybake · 12/08/2025 11:48

I guess you didn't know what he would be like, given it's your first holiday in 3 years?

I'd have kept saying "shall we all do something together" or "shall we let the kids entertain themselves and have a moment to ourselves?" I wouldn't have just put up with him doing whatever he wanted, isolated off from the other kids.

I would think this sad. Sometimes though you have to let men know what you want and go from there...

sesquipedalian · 12/08/2025 11:48

OP, I’m not a bit surprised your DP’s older son picks in the younger one, when the younger is so obviously “golden boy”. How does your DP treat your children? I would be very put out by such blatant favouritism.

Feelingleftoutagain · 12/08/2025 11:54

Was this a get at his ex by any chance? Oh look at me and our son having more fun than you do with him? Is the book for him to take home and rub ex p's face in it?

Mothership4two · 12/08/2025 11:57

I would be tempted to comment on these social media posts that despite evidence to the contrary there were actually six people on this holiday not two

BuckChuckets · 12/08/2025 11:59

This. He sounds like a horrible man who I wouldn't want to spend time with at all, whether with or without the kids.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 12/08/2025 11:59

You and your partner are not compatible. He can’t or won’t give you what you want/need, and in return you’re jealous of a 10 yo kid and being sneery about him. Split up because there’s no way forward with this , unless you do a Meredith Grey “Pick me. Choose me.Love me.” And how pathetic would that be?

LilacReader · 12/08/2025 11:59

I do feel for you OP - you must have been really looking forward to the holiday together, what a let-down. To be honest though (and sorry if I missed it) but if you are old enough to have a couple of children each then I am surprised you didn't sit down long enough to tell him how you were feeling. We all want to ensure our kids are happy but a bit of special time for just the two of you are what keeps a relationship healthy so it didn't need to be about how much he was doing with his son but rather how little he was doing with you.

Daisyvodka · 12/08/2025 12:05

Whats the dynamic like normally - and why does he only see him every other weekend?

nomas · 12/08/2025 12:16

You and your kids will always play second fiddle in this unhealthy way.

Be happy you've seen what he is and dump him.

HeroicFailure · 12/08/2025 12:19

Winter2020 · 12/08/2025 11:39

Sounds like you are jealous of a child to me and not mature enough to let the kids come first on a holiday.

Perhaps to them it was a holiday and they are not that interested in learning about your heritage and homeland?

I think it takes a lot of maturity and sacrifice on behalf of the adults to make a blended family work and it doesn’t sound like yours is going to.

Show quote history

Yes, this. You have different ideas about priorities, parenting, being a couple with two children apiece etc etc. I don't think this is working.

YellowGuido · 12/08/2025 12:19

Does your BFs ex follow him on social media? Could it be that he is using the big holiday as a way of peacocking to her / her friends / her family?

Sounds like he’s making some kind of statement / over compensating around his younger child.

Any likelihood that BFs ex is running a narrative with the younger child that his dad doesn’t care about him?

Whatever it is, he sounds like a grade A arsehole.

SporadicMincePieMuncher · 12/08/2025 12:26

Hang on.

  • the teen and the 10 year old have to be kept separated.
  • he is the only biological parent to the 10 year old who is on this holiday.
  • he doesn't see the 10 year old that much at home.

OF COURSE in this situation he should be the person who should take care of the 10 year old while you keep the teen out of the 10 year old's way. OF COURSE he's going to want to spoil his little boy that he doesn't see that often, and of course you're going to get less of his attention when his son who he doesn't live with is present. see It doesn't sound like it was ever going to be an idyllic family holiday anyway, if you have to keep the two kids away from each other. this is all pretty normal run of the mill parenting IMO.