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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DP hijacked my holiday

213 replies

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:11

We are a step family and this summer took DP and his children back to my home country to meet my extended family for the first time. It was the first time they’d been there, and the first time meeting my family members. So it was a big deal for me and them.

it was also our first holiday together in 3 years.

in the run up to it both DP and I had been stressed, but we’d actually had some good conversations and worked through it. And we were all looking forward to the holiday.

Well the issue is he made the holiday all about his son, and it really got to me.

it started on the plane. We’ve got two kids each - ranging from 10-14. We were all happy and excited. DP sat next to his son (10) and started doing selfies together and giggling through the whole flight. Would have thought kids could have sat together and us as a couple.

then at the resort all the kids ran off to play on the beach. I felt a moment of wellbeing, but one second later DP was off following his son around to get scenic shots of him on the beach.

anyway that continued all holiday. To an extreme extent. He took around 100 photos a day of his son (bear in mind he’s got 2 children- he completely neglected the other one)
he posted every night- and sometimes several times during the day to Facebook, instagram and his family WhatsApp chat. Photos of his son, his‘special boy’.
he never included any of the rest of us, or any mention of why we were there- to meet my family.

since we’ve been back he’s still posting unseen shots every day.

and now he’s making into a book.

am I right to be feeling massively left out??

the thing is I couldn’t work out what to say that wouldn’t sound ridiculous.

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 12/08/2025 10:53

Express your disappointment over being neglected then let it go. Don't burst his happy bubble with jealousy. He behaved poosly; hopefully it is a one off.
Something needs to be done about the moody teen. Is there a lot to love about this man?
Only eight more years to go and yiou will be childless.

Plan your next holiday with just the two of you.

IamnotSethRogan · 12/08/2025 10:55

To be completely honest it's a bit annoying but I don't think its really the worst thing in the world. I have 2 children. Ones a teenager and the other is about 10. My 10 year old naturally wants to spend more time with me so it's not really a case of me leaving the eldest out when while a wonderful pleasant loving boy, he's not quite as needy.

I can't imagine how much I'd over compensate if I only generally saw him at weekends and got to spend an extended time with him on a trip.

I think it's perfectly normal that he sat with him on a plane. A lot of children that age would want to sit with an adult when flying.

I think the crux is you both had different expectations of this holiday. Obviously a big part of it was meeting your family but it was also important for him to spend time with his son.

Obviously the pictures and the book sound like over kill but there must be a lot of pain to be separated from your child the majority of the time.

IamnotSethRogan · 12/08/2025 10:55

To be completely honest it's a bit annoying but I don't think its really the worst thing in the world. I have 2 children. Ones a teenager and the other is about 10. My 10 year old naturally wants to spend more time with me so it's not really a case of me leaving the eldest out when while a wonderful pleasant loving boy, he's not quite as needy.

I can't imagine how much I'd over compensate if I only generally saw him at weekends and got to spend an extended time with him on a trip.

I think it's perfectly normal that he sat with him on a plane. A lot of children that age would want to sit with an adult when flying.

I think the crux is you both had different expectations of this holiday. Obviously a big part of it was meeting your family but it was also important for him to spend time with his son.

Obviously the pictures and the book sound like over kill but there must be a lot of pain to be separated from your child the majority of the time.

NotTheHair · 12/08/2025 10:55

You have a SC that assaults the other one and your concern is where you sit on the plane and selfies? There are problems there OP and I don't think you're focusing on the right ones.

Original poster
Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:55

Yes the older teen wouldn’t want to be in so many photos.

it was the fact that he’s now making a book about it that has tipped me over the edge.

the trip was to my homeland to learn about my heritage and meet my family. Now he’s making a book about that which will only feature his special boy in a range of scenic shots.

aside from all the parenting issues which are on going but truthfully not much different to other brothers I know (there is always some degree of beating up of the younger by the older. Maybe beating up is far too strong a term.) but aside from those issues- I was annoyed at being neglected on my holiday.

OP posts:
PigletSanders · 12/08/2025 10:55

He sounds like a terrible boyfriend and a worse father.

Separate from the complete bin fire of a set up.

Muffinmam · 12/08/2025 10:56

This is such weird behaviour. Your DP seems utterly obsessed with his son and it’s so weird.

I love my child - as does their father - but if my partner behaved that way towards my son it would make me extremely uncomfortable. It isn’t even about being left out. It’s the obsession.

I think people really find out about their partner when they holiday together. You are seeing some massive red flags. I’m actually concerned for this child. It’s not healthy behaviour.

4forksache · 12/08/2025 10:56

And that’s why the moody teen beats up the younger brother…

You should have pulled him up on both the treatment of the teen and yourself from the very beginning.

This relationship wouldn’t have legs for me as I wouldn’t have allowed it to continue in the first place, and if it did then the relationship would be over.

Bonden · 12/08/2025 10:56

Neglected on your holiday!!!! Oh my god. You were there to meet your family??

Lurkingandlearning · 12/08/2025 10:58

It’s a shame your holiday was a disappointment after you’d looked forward to it so much. Were you at least able to enjoy some time with your relatives who live there?

A lot of teenagers are moody. It’s not a choice, it’s part of their development.That doesn’t excuse him beating up his younger brother but as his father makes it so obvious that he prefers his younger son, I can see why the teenager is resentful. Your partner is being cruel to his older son, imo, and not doing his younger son any favours by making him the favourite. He may well develop quite an inflated ego from being shown he is the best. And sadly, your partner has probably ruined whatever relationship the brothers might have had.

Doesn’t the imbalance bother you? I really wouldn’t want to be involved with someone like that.

JLou08 · 12/08/2025 10:59

The stuff going on with his DC and you are just concerned about being left out by your DP. You sound self-centred. Holidays do tend to be about the children as a parent. You don't seem bothered about any of the DC and your partner is only interested in one. I really feel for the children in this situation. No sympathy for you whatsoever.

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 12/08/2025 11:00

Are his children brothers or seperate mothers. It sounds like he was doing this for a Facebook show and tell to wind up the sons mother.

He also sounds like a prick

4forksache · 12/08/2025 11:00

Obvious the situation is dysfunctional but from his point of view it was a holiday more that a trip to meet your family. That would just be incidental to him. You can’t be upset about that.

Focus on the obsession with his ds to the exclusion of everything else.

Pickthrough · 12/08/2025 11:00

You keep calling it "my" holiday, but there were 5 other people also on holiday, and the holiday had been arranged entirely for your benefit, to see your family.

I have to admit, I'm wondering what his version of this story would be. And your DC.

ClearFruit · 12/08/2025 11:05

Don't have kids with him, and definitely don't marry him.

SmallBox · 12/08/2025 11:05

You seem more annoyed that you weren't centred than the fact he massively overindulged one of his children. Go on a couples holiday of you need him to take photos of you. I'd be way more bothered that he treats his other child like shit. Also the three of them clearly weren't bothered about connecting with your family or country or heritage.

CarrotVan · 12/08/2025 11:06

You are the step parent? And the older child lived with you full time, the youngest EOW? Do they have different mothers?

it sounds like your husband is overcompensating but also the situation it awkward, especially on a special ‘meet the family’ trip

it actually isn’t normal for a teen to be beating up a younger child or doing anything more than teasing.

Don’t have children with this man - he doesn’t parent and seems a bad relationship risk

CountryQueen · 12/08/2025 11:08

Erm, my older child would never beat up his siblings and I never beat up mine.

The issue is you are jealous of the younger kid and your DP is a horrible prick who treats his eldest terribly

gannett · 12/08/2025 11:08

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:55

Yes the older teen wouldn’t want to be in so many photos.

it was the fact that he’s now making a book about it that has tipped me over the edge.

the trip was to my homeland to learn about my heritage and meet my family. Now he’s making a book about that which will only feature his special boy in a range of scenic shots.

aside from all the parenting issues which are on going but truthfully not much different to other brothers I know (there is always some degree of beating up of the younger by the older. Maybe beating up is far too strong a term.) but aside from those issues- I was annoyed at being neglected on my holiday.

Did meeting your extended family for the first time and learning about your heritage not keep you somewhat busy? How did you even have a spare minute to feel neglected?

It sounds like the entire holiday was already geared around you, and you still got annoyed at your partner and his son doing some things that weren't about you.

The relationship between his children sounds sub-optimal (could be normal teen/younger brother dynamic or could be more dysfunctional, hard to say) but again you have somehow made that problem all about you.

StrawberryCranberry · 12/08/2025 11:08

He sounds awful OP.

EcoChica1980 · 12/08/2025 11:11

Usual LTB MN madness in repsonse to this but, unless his older child was hurt by all the time your partner was spending with his younger chilkd (you seem to older child may have preferred this), I'm failing to see what he's done that is actually wrong.

He's gushing over a child he rarely gets to spend that time with. Maybe he's overcompensating a bit.

No big deal.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 12/08/2025 11:12

I think your expectations sound unreasonable and a little silly, but he sounds unreasonable in how he treats the 2 kids.

That said, my teen would rather not be in photos anyway!

Alltheyellowbirds · 12/08/2025 11:14

OP, I’ve read your updates which do change things a bit.

If he doesn’t get to spend much time with his youngest it seems quite natural that he would be excited to have a whole holiday with him, take lots of photos etc. His older child lives with him all the time, plus is a teenager so possibly wouldn’t want to be attached to daddy all holiday in the same way.

What I’m really picking up though is that your actual concern seems to be that he didn’t make the whole holiday all about you. I think it was unrealistic if you to expect that when there were four children there! This wasn’t a romantic couple’s trip. Are you used to being the centre of attention in this way?

Pickthrough · 12/08/2025 11:15

Barrenfieldoffucks · 12/08/2025 11:12

I think your expectations sound unreasonable and a little silly, but he sounds unreasonable in how he treats the 2 kids.

That said, my teen would rather not be in photos anyway!

And he lives with the teen, but not the 10yo.

I'd be prioritising time with a DC I didn't live with, over a DP who was away visiting their family and a teen I lived with who was happier doing their own thing too.

It does sound extreme the way OP tells it, but I have a sense her version is somewhat biased.

ShodAndShadySenators · 12/08/2025 11:20

the trip was to my homeland to learn about my heritage and meet my family. Now he’s making a book about that which will only feature his special boy in a range of scenic shots.

YOU thought the holiday was about you. Your DP thought it was an excellent opportunity to have a holiday with his youngest and create endless photo opportunities. You give the impression that your DP was solely focused on taking pics of his child and had little interest in anything else, including your family. If that's the case, I know I would be piqued by that (even allowing for DP to be delighted at spending so much time with his favourite instead of just weekends, which is understandable). Nothing you can do about that, you can't force him to be interested in you.