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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DP hijacked my holiday

213 replies

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:11

We are a step family and this summer took DP and his children back to my home country to meet my extended family for the first time. It was the first time they’d been there, and the first time meeting my family members. So it was a big deal for me and them.

it was also our first holiday together in 3 years.

in the run up to it both DP and I had been stressed, but we’d actually had some good conversations and worked through it. And we were all looking forward to the holiday.

Well the issue is he made the holiday all about his son, and it really got to me.

it started on the plane. We’ve got two kids each - ranging from 10-14. We were all happy and excited. DP sat next to his son (10) and started doing selfies together and giggling through the whole flight. Would have thought kids could have sat together and us as a couple.

then at the resort all the kids ran off to play on the beach. I felt a moment of wellbeing, but one second later DP was off following his son around to get scenic shots of him on the beach.

anyway that continued all holiday. To an extreme extent. He took around 100 photos a day of his son (bear in mind he’s got 2 children- he completely neglected the other one)
he posted every night- and sometimes several times during the day to Facebook, instagram and his family WhatsApp chat. Photos of his son, his‘special boy’.
he never included any of the rest of us, or any mention of why we were there- to meet my family.

since we’ve been back he’s still posting unseen shots every day.

and now he’s making into a book.

am I right to be feeling massively left out??

the thing is I couldn’t work out what to say that wouldn’t sound ridiculous.

OP posts:
Loadsapandas · 12/08/2025 13:44

Have you posted about this dynamic before?

In all honesty your concern seems to be you not getting much attention and the ‘blending’ not being central.

I think you should be more concerned that your DP is a terrible father - how can you sit comfortable with his style of parenting.

No point in taking blended family photos when in reality it sounds shite.

I couldn’t be party to this shit parenting.

Coconutter24 · 12/08/2025 13:48

Zempy · 12/08/2025 10:33

He sounds weird.

Why for making the most of the time he is spending with his son that he usually sees every other weekend…. Yeh what a weirdo 🤦‍♀️

Maray1967 · 12/08/2025 13:50

Rainbowqueeen · 12/08/2025 10:37

His dynamic with his kids is so messed up and so harmful to both children I’d have to walk away. I would want no part of that.

And you’re right, he also treated you badly. Time to end it

This says it all - he is a seriously rubbish parent and partner.

Coconutter24 · 12/08/2025 13:51

Did you pay for the whole family OP? Even if you did it’s still not just your holiday. It’s the whole family’s holiday so you being upset because you weren’t centre of attention is silly.

WFHforevermore · 12/08/2025 13:57

You sound petty and jealous. He needs to move on to someone else and quickly.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/08/2025 13:57

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:30

Yes his other child is a moody teen who he lives with full time. The 10 year old is his ‘baby’ and he sees him every other weekend- but more if he can.

so he feels the need to look after his baby and over compensate for not being there.

the moody teen beats up the 10 year old any chance he gets which is why DP tries to keep them apart.

that’s a dynamic that has never changed.

it was embarrassing for me being completely neglected by DP while on holiday.

Him neglecting you is really not the issue here!

It’s the way in which he treats both of his children! Allowing one to beat up the other is also not on.

I don’t think a blended family holiday was a good idea in the circumstances.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/08/2025 13:59

I also think that sitting with a 10 yo on a plane is not only fine but desirable.

Presumably the seats were 3-3 configuration and therefore you had to sit in two threes?

Freshstartyear25 · 12/08/2025 14:02

It’s not your holiday though. It’s his holiday too and that of his children. Except you paid for it all, they all have a right to enjoy it. You’re upset that you’re not the center of attention but he’s not your entertainment. I hate the dynamics between his 2 sons though because it’s wrong to allow the older one to beat to the younger one so that needs to be addressed but seeing as the older one is a bully and does not want to be involved in what he’s doing, I can see why he’s focused on his younger one instead.
And with what you’ve said about the older one being a bully, I can see why he does not want him sitting with the 10year old. Like why does he have to sit with you instead of his son, makes no sense

Gymnopedie · 12/08/2025 14:06

I think the fact that it was a holiday to meet your family in your country is a bit of a red herring. He would have done the same wherever you were. It's fine that he wants to spend time with a son he doesn't see that much but he took it far too far.

My only suggestion is don't go on holiday with them again. Either him on his own with you, or he takes the son on his own.

I wonder if this was partly about by taking both sons with you he can convince himself that he wasn't favouring one son over the other, whereas taking DS2 on his own would be showing too much favouritism even for him (and he'd have to find someone to look after older DS while he did it which would emphasise it even more).

hydriotaphia · 12/08/2025 14:08

I think YABU. He was taking his 10 year old on holiday - of course he wanted to spend time with him (and dare I say, of course he gave his actual child more attention than his partner). The situation with the older sibling sounds odd, but as long as he was polite to your family I think YABU to complain about him hanging out with his child on a family holiday.

Original poster
Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 14:25

MyQuirkyTraybake · 12/08/2025 11:48

I guess you didn't know what he would be like, given it's your first holiday in 3 years?

I'd have kept saying "shall we all do something together" or "shall we let the kids entertain themselves and have a moment to ourselves?" I wouldn't have just put up with him doing whatever he wanted, isolated off from the other kids.

I would think this sad. Sometimes though you have to let men know what you want and go from there...

Thanks @MyQuirkyTraybake, I didn’t even particularly want couple time - I guess I felt I was showcasing my blended family for the first time, and it felt like he threw all of us under the bus and just had one priority.

I wanted us to feel like the proud parents managing our family- but we were completely separated and I just thought what is the actual point??

OP posts:
EastGrinstead · 12/08/2025 14:26

We were all happy and excited. DP sat next to his son (10) and started doing selfies together and giggling through the whole flight. Would have thought kids could have sat together and us as a couple.

I don't see the issue that your DP sat next to his son. It's what most parents would do in these circumstances.

The holiday is precious time that he gets to spend with his son, whom he sees only EOW.

The different treatment of his two sons is a different matter.

HeroicFailure · 12/08/2025 14:33

EastGrinstead · 12/08/2025 14:26

We were all happy and excited. DP sat next to his son (10) and started doing selfies together and giggling through the whole flight. Would have thought kids could have sat together and us as a couple.

I don't see the issue that your DP sat next to his son. It's what most parents would do in these circumstances.

The holiday is precious time that he gets to spend with his son, whom he sees only EOW.

The different treatment of his two sons is a different matter.

The 14 year old is a moody teenager who probably gets annoyed when his father (whom he lives with FT) even breathes in his vicinity, far less tries to buddy up on holiday!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/08/2025 14:54

HeroicFailure · 12/08/2025 14:33

The 14 year old is a moody teenager who probably gets annoyed when his father (whom he lives with FT) even breathes in his vicinity, far less tries to buddy up on holiday!

Show quote history

To be fair this wasn’t clear from the actual OP but only came in an update.

MyQuirkyTraybake · 12/08/2025 17:52

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 14:25

Thanks @MyQuirkyTraybake, I didn’t even particularly want couple time - I guess I felt I was showcasing my blended family for the first time, and it felt like he threw all of us under the bus and just had one priority.

I wanted us to feel like the proud parents managing our family- but we were completely separated and I just thought what is the actual point??

Show quote history

Ahhh I understand you better now, thank you.

Without speaking to him you won't get an understanding of what his view is/how he saw this/what his behaviour meant.

It seems to me he doesn't see the blended family as you do. You wanted an "all in" situation where everyone was one unit and he wanted a one-on-one with his child, which just seems odd. He ignored 3 other people.

Is he selfish or uninterested in any other ways or is this a one off?

Defo worth a discussion to see what he was thinking. I don't even know how I'd broach it "During the holiday, you appeared to spend most of the time with W. I was expecting that, since it was a family trip, there might have been more focus on X, Y, and Z as well." and see what he responds?

Given that he was counting all the photos at night, he was aware he was getting to spend loads of time with W but was he aware he was ignoring everyone else?

JWhipple · 12/08/2025 17:59

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:30

Yes his other child is a moody teen who he lives with full time. The 10 year old is his ‘baby’ and he sees him every other weekend- but more if he can.

so he feels the need to look after his baby and over compensate for not being there.

the moody teen beats up the 10 year old any chance he gets which is why DP tries to keep them apart.

that’s a dynamic that has never changed.

it was embarrassing for me being completely neglected by DP while on holiday.

A teenager regularly beats up a ten year old.
You are left looking after the teenager and your own children as the only adult.

Why on earth would you agree to this holiday, knowing the teenager is abusive to their sibling?!?

HolidayInCambodia25 · 12/08/2025 18:03

My first thought reading your post was/is the potential for your partner to be grooming/abusing his 10 year old. I'd find it beyond creepy for an adult to be paying 1 child that much attention and in that way.

TraintoManifeStation · 12/08/2025 18:16

I do get your point. The holiday had a purpose, for the blended family to meet yours and learn about your heritage.

If it was me and we were all round Auntie Mabel’s or something and my partner wandered off with one child and started taking photos in the garden ignoring everyone I’d be a bit miffed.

But going on holiday with grumpy teens, a golden child and a partner who can’t balance the needs and expectations of all the blended family ( I’m looking at both OP and the partner here) was always going to be a disaster.

Vaxtable · 12/08/2025 18:41

Never mind you what about his other poor child. Talk about golden child

I couldn’t be with someone like that

Loadsapandas · 12/08/2025 18:46

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 14:25

Thanks @MyQuirkyTraybake, I didn’t even particularly want couple time - I guess I felt I was showcasing my blended family for the first time, and it felt like he threw all of us under the bus and just had one priority.

I wanted us to feel like the proud parents managing our family- but we were completely separated and I just thought what is the actual point??

Show quote history

What is your ‘blended’ family usually like?

Chances are the holiday dynamics was business as usual, why you would have expected any different I don’t know.

Original poster
Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 19:00

Yes I guess it was ‘business as usual’ to be honest.

he is a really good dad to his teen on the whole. He bends over backwards for him on a daily basis. He can’t have his two kids together though- so he was definitely trying to protect his‘baby’ with the golden boy routine.

the 10year old absolutely loves it and walks around like ‘I’m daddy’s little prince’ totally sick making at all times.
Teen has really bad adhd, and basically just poured all his energies onto my son - which was way too much for my son to handle. My mum was really concerned about it.

I tried to ask DP to spend some time with older teen so my child could play freely. But he reacted really badly- then doubled down on siphoning off‘golden boy’.

upshot is I’m now considering ending it all.

OP posts:
Rosegoldy · 12/08/2025 19:05

Absolutely you should be ending it all.
He's batshit.
He did hijack your holiday and ruined it by all accounts.
His poor sons, both being failed.
Your poor son being so imposed upon.

He does not sound like a healthy normal influence to have around your children.

I would be cringing at his constant photos and SM bullshit.

He sounds a bit of a twat to be honest.

Enrichetta · 12/08/2025 19:10

upshot is I’m now considering ending it all.

Do it.

Gymnopedie · 12/08/2025 20:13

the 10year old absolutely loves it and walks around like ‘I’m daddy’s little prince’ totally sick making at all times.

I'm guessing that what happened on the holiday also happens EOW when he sees DS2. The older one is abandoned (a surefire way to improve brotherly relations) and DP expects you to be the default parent to him.

I wouldn't blame you at all for ending it.

Alittlefeedbackwouldbenice · 12/08/2025 20:50

Gymnopedie · 12/08/2025 20:13

the 10year old absolutely loves it and walks around like ‘I’m daddy’s little prince’ totally sick making at all times.

I'm guessing that what happened on the holiday also happens EOW when he sees DS2. The older one is abandoned (a surefire way to improve brotherly relations) and DP expects you to be the default parent to him.

I wouldn't blame you at all for ending it.

This is the little bit who dad sees less because he moved away from him to (I'm not sure) either move in with the OP, or support his eldest child better. Either way, he has a lot of guilt about it and it seems to have caused a lot of upset, and bad feeling between this 10yo (who has been partially abandoned by his dad) and the OP.