Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

No you’re not exaggerating. That’s absolutely not something your child should have been exposed to and then your cousin’s boyfriend forgot him??

It is not neglect if you entrusted your son to someone you had no reason to distrust. But it would be neglect if you let this boyfriend have your son again after what happened without a proper explanation, apology and heartfelt assurances no such thing will ever happen again.

Don’t let your family pressure you into dropping something this serious, you have every right to be angry

Thank you for replying, yes you heard right he forgot my child, how do you forget a child?

I don't feel like this is something I am ever going to be able to drop.

I think you’re under reacting if anything. Worrying about being disrespectful over the phone? I’d certainly have been rude, and wouldn’t have felt at all guilty about it!

I’m confused about this relationship. Your cousin’s boyfriend often comes to take your son out for the day? Tomorrow he’s going to take him to buy a bike? So It sounds like they’re close, but he forgot about him and left him alone in a house?? He was taking him out for the day, why was he taking him to a random house in the first place, let alone what happened after that? What do they normally do on days out together?

He wouldn’t be taking my son out again.

I said some very nasty things to the both of them, I feel as if I got a little too personal.

They've been very close for a few years, I think this is because he and my cousin have three girls together and my son is a boy child. I believe he wants to take my son to buy a bike tomorrow to make up for what has happened, the audacity of him!

My child doesn't need a new bike and if he did his Dad would be buying him one, not him. He usually just takes him wherever he is going, I have never had a problem with this until now.

He will not be seeing my son again let alone be taking him out again.

Why is your cousins boyfriend taking your son out?
Is he using him in some way? I would be quite concerned about what is happening when he is with him and what your son is being asked to do/keep quiet about.

He would never take my son out again.

You do need to tell your husband though. It’s not fair to expect your son to keep it quiet.

He has been with my cousin for years, he is part of our family.

No he is not using my son in any way shape or form, he'd never! they've just always been close.

Why would you cousin's boyfriend be taking your ten year old child out? How come you don't know where they go or where/what this house that he was found in is?

Poor kid.

The House that they went to sounds well dodgy. Did you ascertain why they went to this house? Your son must have been very frightened to hide in a wardrobe, and it must have sounded really nasty fir someone to call the police. How did the police woman find him?

I’d be livid to and no way would your cousin’s boyfriend be allowed to look after your son again. The buying of a bike - bribery. I’m wondering n if your relatives know he’s up to no good, and want it hushed up. County lines comes to mind (with your son being groomed for this?).

I think you should tell your husband in case there is any further consequences of this (SS etc). It sounds like a very odd situation for your cousin’s boyfriend to be regularly hanging out with a 10 year old and taking him to random houses. It could potentially be something like drug dealing/criminal activity that he’s involving your child in.

In my opinion, you haven't gone far enough. I would be asking the police why they attended the property, how did they know your son was hiding in the wardrobe, who else was present, was anyone arrested?

My child is not being groomed, like I said he has been in our family for many years him and my son have a very good relationship which has now come to an end. My son doesn't like loud noise or any kind of commotion it's not something he has ever been exposed to, so obviously he would go and hid, I do not know how to police lady found him.

He most likely feels guilty that's why he wants to buy my son something, but it will never make up for what he did.

They said there was a disturbance and a neighbour had called them to attend, I didn't ask them anything else. I just wanted to attend to my child.

I agree you’re definitely not overreacting.

I don’t think you need to have a big falling out with cousin and her partner over this, but I absolutely wouldn’t be letting partner look after your son again.

You’ve said yourself that all he does is take your son wherever he’s going himself, so your son’s not exactly going to be missing out on much.

Gah - duplicate post removed

Your only priority should be apologise to your child for putting him in that situation. You deemed this person suitable to care for your child but got it wrong. Apologise, tell your child you let them down and you won’t do it again.
Do not engage with your family about it anymore.

If he’s worried about being named to the police, he’s definitely up to something. I’d certainly stop any contact with the boyfriend, you can apologise for what you said, if you feel you need to. You spoke in haste/shock, having just had your son returned by the police.

I thought the same. He was worried about being named to the police? He’s taking a 10 year old round to random houses? He wants to know what he told the police? It sounds dodgy as fuck tbh.

I will not apologise to either of them and they won't be seeing my son again.

I feel so guilty I have cried, in future no one will be looking after him, wherever I go he will have to come with me.

Definitely tell your husband, and do it now. There is no way you can hide this and the fallout will only get worse.

In your shoes I would also contact the police and find out what exactly happened.

I'd be worried what this man might be involved in. Even if it isn't criminal or unsavoury, he clearly is not a good influence on your son - and this will only get worse as he gets older.

If I tell my husband he is going to go mad and want to go round to the house, you don't know my husband, he is our only child and we are both so protective over him.

My son seems fine, he said that he was just scared. The police told me what they knew, and they didn't leave me with any details.

@iamstillfuming

"No he is not using my son in any way shape or form, he'd never!"

But he has, hasn't he! Who the hell is this adult male that you're entrusting your 10 year old son to? This sounds dodgy as fuck (to quote @ShesTheAlbatross)

You need to tell your husband before he hears about it from his son, other family, police or social services.

It’s worryingly vague what you son saw and heard. I hope that you know what happened and are just keeping things private because this is the internet rather than everyone else keeping you in the dark.

The cousin's partner took your son somewhere where it was all kicking off and left the premises leaving your son behind not caring about his safety at all.

Hell no would he have access to him again and I too would not be mincing my words with the cousin's bf and the cousin who was more concerned that your son hadn't named him to the police. It sounds as though he was involved in some form of illegal activity if this was a concern to her.

Do the rest of the family know the whole story because I can't believe anyone would take their side overs yours if they did!

I beg your pardon?

He took my son out with him, how is that classed as using? he is part of our family my son has always called him uncle.

I will admit I did trust him, he gave me no reason not to trust him. He is not someone who we have just met, I give everyone an equal chance until they do something that tells me otherwise.

I will let you sit there and speculate by yourself.

I made this post to ask whether or not I was exaggerating, not to be quizzed on anything else!