Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

I agree with this. I hope SS visit. Someone needs to question this boy as to whether anything has happened to him. None of this story sits right with me. Poor boy he must have been so frightened

There is no motive, I spend a lot of time with my cousin me and her have always been close, there is only 1 year between us. Her girls don't really come over here because there's not much to do over here that they'd be interested in, what with my son being a boy.

My son is also very close with her daughters, there's never no arguing, spitefulness etc instead of hanging out with all the girls my son prefers to go with her boyfriend, it's been like that for years.

There is no grooming, either it being sexual or him using my son in other ways, so I will not be responding to any posts that suggest otherwise.

He might not be perfect but I know he would never ever harm my child in any way.

I am just very disappointed in him, never did I ever think he would leave my son no matter how bad the situation was. In result of this I have lost my cousin and best friend and my son has also lost his cousins.

I have told my husband what happened, he is fuming as well I have convinced him not to go there, and agreed that he will never be allowed to see our son again.

Why have you "lost your cousin"? Do you hold her responsible for this? Just carry on your relationship with her, but stop letting her boyfriend take your son out. Doesn't really seem terribly complicated to me.

But he has harmed your son. Abandoning him hiding in wardrobe in some random house is psychologically harmful.
We also don't know what your son witnessed or heard at this house and you don't seem to want to know either what your son has been exposed to.
I am concerned that you are seeing your son as a nice boy and your cousin being family therefore nothing bad could possibly happen.

What does the cousins boyfriend usually do when he takes him out?

I am also thinking county lines.

Honestly not sure why you are not more angry if anything! It sounds like he took your child to either a drug den or a pimps house. I’m not exaggerating!

@iamstillfuming "There is no grooming, either it being sexual or him using my son in other ways, so I will not be responding to any posts that suggest otherwise."

Not saying there is but YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY KNOW THIS IS THE CASE just because you wish it isn't. It's irresponsible and neglectful to not investigate what your son has been through!

@iamstillfuming
“He might not be perfect but I know he would never ever harm my child in any way.”

And yet, he took your son to a house, where a fight broke out, causing your son to be so frightened he ran to a bedroom and hid in a cupboard (did he run upstairs? If not, why was he upstairs?), and caused a neighbour to ring the police. Red flags all around. Oh, and then was more concerned that his identity was kept hidden from the police. Another red flag.

You’re going to get knocked on your arse mentally and emotionally if you’re wrong, take it from one who knows.

It really is not normal in nice families for a child to be regularly hanging out on his own with their mum's cousin's boyfriend. Or any adult outside their immediate family for that matter.

I don’t expect you to respond but a family friend used to take me out places and he was not just being kind.

my parents trusted him completely, it’s something that now as a parent that even if I feel like I trust a person 100% I still don’t because so did my parents.

you say you trust him and he’d never do anything like this etc but it seems very dodgy and I’d want to know more about what had happened to cause the police to be called and my son to hide from it because that’s just not normal.

You need to talk to your son and let him tell you what happened. He needs to do this for him.

You are teaching him that when something bad and scary happens his mother will ignore it, it will never be mentioned again and everyone must pretend that nothing happened.

Can you understand how dangerous and upsetting that is?

This is dodgy as fuck and I can't believe you haven't tried to find out exactly what went on. Your poor son. If it were my child I would want to know what had happened.

What a bizarre and, frankly, worrying set-up:

1. An adult taking a ten year old boy out on his own, regularly. Promising to buy him a bike.
2. Forgetting about the child, whilst in his care.
3. A disturbance so frightening for the child that they hide inside a stranger's wardrobe - presumably in the bedroom.
4. The mother having no idea whose house this is.
5. The mother having no idea what the disturbance was about.
6. The police bringing the child home, with no information about the incident.
7. The mother initially deciding not to tell the child's father, because of worries of violence.
8. The mother posting online to ask whether they're over-reacting in being angry with the adult man.
9. The mother 'knowing' that no abuse has taken place at the hands of the adult man.

Either you're all high and/or incredibly stupid and neglectful.

I feel very angry on behalf of your poor son.

"I know he would never ever harm my child in any way."

He ran away from a house when there was an altercation loud enough and or violent enough that police were called and there were grounds for them to search the house. The police found your son hiding in a wardrobe. "Uncle" ran away and claims he forgot he had your son there. That claim is unbelievable unless "Uncle" was out of his mind high. So he's either high and or lying to you. When shit went down, he left a 10 year old behind.

If you don't see that there was criminal activity, likely drugs, going on there, you are in big time denial. Drug dealers use kids in various ways. Your son needs to speak to a psychologist who can ask non leading questions as to what happened to him and a physical exam to check for drug exposure or abuse.

Why don't you want to find out what happened?

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

This quote from the OP leads me to believe that you have already had social services involvement in the past. You are infact being a neglectful parent because any decent one out there would be questioning the lack of details and reassuring their child, not ignoring it like it never happened. It is very strange that you didnt ask the police anything at all and are more concerned about losing your relationship with your cousin in all of this. Your son is probably going to be traumatised for a long time from this but I suspect you already know what kind of circles this man moves in and are playing dumb to stop social services coming back into your life. I really hope for your sons sake that the police do make a referral to them because you clearly aren't going to safeguard him from either physical or emotional harm.

THIS!!! Your Cousin's BF... taking your 10 year old "Wherever he goes"?

Your boy must have been really frightened to hide in a wardrobe.

He must have been really worried to be ending up at a police station.

You had to track down your Cousin and her "Forgetful" BF to find out what on earth happened to your boy... they didn't rush to tell you either... then the rest of the family is on the phone saying you've been disrespectful. Come on OP.. Stand up for yourself and your child. It sounds like no one else in your family will.

What ever the cousin is involved in.. it doesn't sound like its something your young 10 year old boy should be exposed to.. And I agree. Go back to the police and ask questions.

He might not be perfect but I know he would never ever harm my child in any way.

He left him alone, with no care for his safety, in a strange house after terrifying him into hiding in a wardrobe. How can you possibly think he wouldn’t harm him. He was harmed today!

ETA - OP, if someone had told you yesterday that this man would do this, what would you have said? Would you have said no way, he’d never do that? I presume you would, because otherwise you wouldn’t have let your son out with him. So you’ve already been proved wrong about this man and his behaviour.

Dear God. I can’t believe any normal person would be so dull.

Does the cousins boyfriend collect your drugs as well? Is that why you’re being so cagey?

I hope ss do pay a visit as you don't seem to be taking this anywhere near seriously enough and can't see the humongous red flags right in your face either. Maybe they can make you see how naive you're being.

Because she was not the least worried about my son.

Yes and who know what could have happened when OPs ds was left alone

I have never taken a drug in my life, it's okay you can sit behind your screen being rude and disrespectful but you'd never have the courage to say this to my face, so please carry on, no one likes a coward.

Neither are you apparently…

And you can bet your bottom dollar that yes, I would say this to your face.

I’d phone SS in front of you.

I have stood up for myself and I will always do the same for my son. I have been rude and disrespectful to the majority of those who have called me.

I do not have the details of the police, they did ask for his details I told them I am not willing to give them his name, as much as what he did was wrong I would never do that to him.