Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

Ignore that poster. But please listen to all of us who have pointed out that there is no way you can KNOW for sure that your son has not been abused/used for drugs sales. You can't know. And after what happened I think atleast the latter seems very likely. Why are you so opposed to letting your son talk to a psychologist to see if he's ok? I have taken both of mine to see one for much less.

Oh of course you would, I am not going back and fourth with you.

Go and have a bath, I will not tolerate any rudeness from anyone, stop trying to cause arguments with strangers online.

Well to be honest you seem remarkably uninterested in the detail of what's gone on here yourself. You haven't overreacted but for the love of God (and your son), get your head out of your arse. Whatever is going on the one sure thing is that there's no 'innocent explanation' for it, there's more red flags than a communist party convention.

You are not exaggerating , I think you need to find out what the boyfriend has been up to.
Is it drugs ?
Your son should never have any contact with him again .
I think the police need to explain what happened.
What a really frightening thing for your son to experience.
Social services surely will be in contact.

What? So you wouldn't give the cousins boyfriends name to the police? Are you complicit in what is going on?

I am so confused by this post.

Not an argument.

You’re wrong and your poor son deserves better.

Everyone can trust the wrong person but it takes a proper amoeba to defend them when clearly you don’t know the first thing about what he was doing with your son.

I have a very good relationship with my son, if anything is troubling him he will always come and tell me.

Nobody here knows me or my child, so just please stop it!

So you will ask him what happened? Surely you will if you have a good relationship?

I thought the same thing, until it happened to my daughter and she was scared into silence.

It is staggeringly stupid to ignore the evidence that states that’s how abusers are able to abuse.

Why are you still here?

You've been very rude to be unprovoked, we are all mothers here, I would never dream of being rude to someone from behind a screen, yes you can tell me what you think I am doing wrong, but there's no need to address it in a rude way.

It's not nice and remember we all have feelings, next time please think before you type. I am sorry if I was rude to you, but please don't do it to me.

You need to sort your priorities out.

Don't sit there huffing and puffing, and focus on upping your parental game and start looking after your poor boy!

I absolutely would, and I have faced people for similar issues due to my job.

As to being a coward! Seriously, grow a pair and find out what the hell has happened to your son.

You have a boy. Boys are notorious at not speaking their mind (I have two).

I still can’t believe you don’t want more details about the house and the activities there, and why you didn’t give the police your cousins partner name. If it were innocent. He’d have nothing to hide… and yet he ran!

Snitches get stitches.

Are you afraid of retaliation if you pursue this further?

You refused to give his name to the police?? Good grief, sort your loyalties out!

I imagine your son loves you dearly. So let's say Uncle has told him "If you tell your parents they will die/not love you anymore/ be disgusted by you / send you away."

These are all real life quotes from different abusers. Please don't underestimate how gullible and scared a child can be and how manipulative an abuser can be.

But you're not taking your son's feelings into account. You lied to the police to protect your cousins boyfriend, and you basically gave your son a message that adults must be protected at all costs and his experiences are less important.

You didn't exaggerate. If anything you under-reacted. I am surprised that you aren't kicking down the police station doors to find out the circumstances around the incident.

Omg it gets worse! You’re protecting the man now?

He abandoned your child in a strange place. He left him behind ffs. What is wrong with you?

This is atrocious that this man has thought it was okay to take your child to a place where a disturbance occurred. He did not think of your child and left them there and I can only assume ran away? How on earth can he ‘forget’ a child? In no way would I ever protect this man from the police. He took your child into a dangerous situation and protecting him is stupid.

This was a deeply upsetting situation for your son, so much so that your child hid. I also feel there’s far more to the situation as the police have looked around the house and found your child hiding.

I’m glad you’ve spoken to your husband but I feel you’ve under reacted, if anything, in regards to your cousin and her boyfriend. I would now put distance between them and would cut all contact. I would refuse to have them anyone near my house and child.

I know you want your son to forget this and move on but I think you gently need to speak to him to ensure he’s okay. This was traumatising for him and forgetting it and moving on isn’t always the best thing to do. Give him some space but you do need to address it with him, remind him he’s safe, he can tell you anything and he will always be loved by you and your dh. You also need to explain that he won’t see that man or any of those people again.

So sorry for your daughter ❤️. This happens all too often. I hope OP sees your post.

You are coming across both as incredibly obnoxious and smugly naive. Your posts are hilariously contradictory… I KNOW he would never hurt him followed immediately by I NEVER thought he would do this… I’m guessing you don’t actually see the irony. And the arrogant crap about how you’ve taught you son what’s acceptable and knoooow he would come to you if he was being hurt in some way - as if every other parent who’s child has been harmed or assulted are just crap parents with stupid kids.

your cousin’s boyfriend (would’ve sounded better had you called him her partner btw) is clearly a shady dickhead otherwise he wouldn’t be taking a ten year old boy to some dodgy house where people are kicking off (to the point the kid’s cowering in a wardrobe, the adults are scattering and the police are being fucking called?!). You maaaay not have known but I get the impression you’re all a bit tacky frankly so I don’t buy it.

And whooo did your cousin’s lovely boyfriend “send back’ in to look for your son? Some random? He was clearly hiding from the police and rather than get nicked he hid like a coward and sent someone else to go look. Unbelievable. And you’re still here saying you KNOW what this guy is like and that everyone posting are the problem for suggesting the guy isn’t safe around your kid? And you won’t talk to your child about his traumatic day because that would be too traumatic??? Ermmm no love, having a traumatic day and your mother not bothering to talk it through with you is bloody traumatic. And goodness knows what other shit he’s witnessed when with this guy. I mean, where did you THINK he takes him? Where does this guy go where your son just tags along?? Not work…? So where is he off to?

Your child came home with the police and you've no idea what's actually gone on.
You need to stop people taking your child out.

How can he come and tell you when he’s just seen you not give this man’s name to the police. He’s just seen you protect this man who put him in danger today.

I will be as polite as I can to you, having read through all of your replies and seeing that you genuinely care for your son, however our proximity to the situation, can sometimes blind us to good advice.

With the up most respect, you need to listen to those that have posted. Whilst it might be unusual in some families for a nephew to spend days out with their uncle, I can understand that this is normal for you and your family and you all seem to have a close relationship.

However, what is not normal, is a young child to be so scared to hide in a wardrobe and the police arrive due to a neighbours report. Your cousins boyfriend has then forgot the child that he is so close with and upon realising, he has sent someone else to check. This is what is worrying readers; such a dispute smacks of Drug Involvement and County Lines are huge at the moment! Children are being used (unknowingly!!) To run drugs by people putting them in a pocket. A bag, hiding them inside a jacket etc. and asking the child to accompany them.

People are not attempting to be rude (in most cases), but truly impress upon you that this situation does not seem anyway normal from an outsiders point of view and I assure you, every parent only has yours and your families best interests at heart.

It is important you co-operate with the police fully should they request your cousins boyfriends details as you are quite right, they will have made a referral to Social Services. Any sign that you aren't cooperating can look like you are involved in some other way or hiding something (even when not!!).

Wishing you all the best as you navigate a difficult time with family.

Your cousin and her bf are dodgy as fuck.