Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

You are so, so naive. How do you think people get away with child abuse for so long? Do you think every abused child just has shit parents who know it's happening but do nothing? It can and does happen to people from all walks of life and can often go on for a very long time before a child discloses, some never do disclose.

There's other dangers than sexual abuse/grooming. Your cousins partner has exposed your son to danger. Because big rows in strange houses and running away from the police isn't a safe situation. If the situation is drug or other crime related which is almost certainly the case if your sisters worried about the police knowing his name, then these are not safe people. People get hurt and even killed, and he took your son into that environment. That's what he's 'done' to him.

I would never tell my son to keep anything from his dad, he hasn't had the time to tell him yet.

Yes - the police respond to a call about a fight or something? Why did they search the wardrobes? Since the cousin’s boyfriend was worried he was named to the police I assume he wasn’t there to say “there’s a boy hiding somewhere in the house”. What reason did the police have to search a house?

I’m sorry OP but you’re extremely naive.

Knowing someone for years does not mean they have good intentions.

Buying your nephew expensive gifts, taking him to chaotic houses, and taking them out regularly isn’t normal.

You seem to have no regard for safeguarding your child. He should be with you, your husband or his friends. Not some random “uncle” figure who’s clearly not a good influence.

Open your eyes!

OP you need to have a frank discussion with your son if anything inappropriate has ever happened with this uncle. If he has ever been touched where he shouldn't.

Her not being concerned about her boyfriend leaving my son is the reason why I would never ever speak to neither of them again.

I do not care, whatever situation you are in you would never leave a child behind, I don't understand how he could have forgot him, he said that he sent someone else to go and get him.

I was so annoyed I didn't care to ask him and get the full story.

I will not be having a frank discussion with my son about this, because I KNOW that he is not like that and I also know my own child.

OP the vast majority of SA goes on within families and/or by people known to the victim!

I don't know, I also don't have the police officers details. I thanked them for bringing my son home, they seemed satisfied and left.

Terrible parenting!

They didn’t want to talk about the situation they’d found your son in? Terrified in a wardrobe in a stranger’s house with his parents having no idea where he was?

OP, have you asked your DS what happened yesterday? Like who was there, how long they were there before the arguing started etc. Had he been there before? Where does your cousin’s boyfriend take him typically?

Well then you’re failing your own child. You won’t know where they have been you haven’t asked about this house. A disturbance occurred to the point that your cousins boyfriend left your child, the police had to return him to you. How do you know he hasn’t been taking him to dodgy houses before?! There could be drugs violence all sorts going on. Why don’t not care? Why would you not be asking your son and not be making sure he’s not being asked to keep secrets? Of course every body always says “he wouldn’t do this he wouldn’t do that he’s lovely” but if he’s so lovely why has he taken your son to some dodgy house?

The police said that there was a disturbance and a neighbour called the police, and opening a wardrobe isn't classed as searching, I am thinking maybe they went into the room and they heard or see movement of my son.

I am not going to question my son further, he is 10 years of age it's best he forgets about it, the main thing is that he is home and safe with me and it's going to be a long time before I let someone look after him again.

I have already explain in a previous post.

I am not going to question my son further, he is 10 years of age it's best he forgets about it, the main thing is that he is home and safe with me and it's going to be a long time before I let someone look after him again.

You've really got your head in the sand about this.

Because you don't like the thought of what may have happened to your son, you've chosen not to think about it.

Yes, you're falling your son.

I’d be wondering what on earth my child was doing in the bedroom of a strange house to begin with.

I am not putting pressure on my son, maybe that's something you would be comfortable doing to yours, but I won't with mine.

I can understand you don’t want to question him further. I wouldn’t be surprised if Children’s Social Care are in touch though. I work in primary education and part of my role involves safeguarding. I’m not trying to frighten you but I would expect a follow up from them. It might be best if you’re in possession of as many facts as you can ascertain from your DS.

No the girls weren't there, and no the police didn't leave any contact details. They seemed satisfied and left, if they come back I will assist them with their enquires, I am not protecting anyone except my son.

But you can't just trust people and give them a chance when it's your child you are talking about? Why do you think your child is so different to the thousands abused by 'uncles' every year that don't tell? And you are assuming every one is talking about being sexually but being exposed to inappropriate and violent situations is also abusive. You don't actually seem to be taking this half seriously enough tbh because it sound like the boyfriend scarpered when he saw police given they don't have his name, why did he run? Why the panic over police knowing he was in the house? What cause did the police have to actually enter the home and search? He obviously didn't forget your child, avoiding the police was just more important. For all you actually know your son is being used as cover while they deliver drugs. I'm surprised the police just handed him back to you without a lot of questions tbh

Who are the family members and friends who have been in touch telling you that you've overreacted?

Because they are thick.

I’m fairly sure that he won’t forget hiding in a wardrobe for a long time, if notever. Have you not spoken to him about it at all? Even to check if he’s okay? He must have been very scared to take that action. And I can’t believe you don’t want to know more about the house or argument, that was so loud/violent that it caused a neighbour to call the police.

I didn’t when it was my child and it was happening in my house. Had an 2 year nervous breakdown after it came out.

It happens, and it never comes from where you expect, because if you suspected, you’d stop it.

It may be nothing like that, but it’s something and you need to stop being naive.