To feel inconvenienced by a tragic accident?

[OnemargarIta]

I'm currently in Italy (staying in Rome) for three nights. It's my first foreign break in a warm country and I've been so excited and saved up especially.

We booked an excursion for today consisting of a trip to Sorrento where we'd spend time exploring, visiting shops and enjoying local food - and then on to Pompeii on the route back.

We've spent the whole morning/day so far stuck in traffic on the motor way. We are so behind schedule we can now no longer go to Sorrento first because Pompeii closes at 5.30 and there won't be time. A sit down restaurant meal will now be replaced by a takeaway which will be eaten on the coach.

We've just been told the cause of the traffic jam and it's because somebody has died in a collision on the motorway.

Instead of feeling saddened about the loss of life I just feel inconvenienced and pissed off that the highlight of my trip has been ruined.

Does this make me a shitty person? It just occurred that it might 😳

I think it does. I can't believe that we have got to this point in humanity where you will write out an entire post about being inconvenienced by a human being's death.

Someone's child, or parent or sibling?

Really?

Yes.
Is the simple answer.

I think most people would feel a bit of both- sad at the loss of life, disappointed about the change of plans but able to put that into context.

I thought so. Damn what a wake up call.

I think realistically you're going to be less moved by the death of a stranger that has nothing to do with you. People die in tragic circumstances all the time and we wouldn't be able to function if we got upset by all of them.

Is it not possible to feel both things? Sadness and empathy for someone who has died, and their friends/family, whilst also recognising the frustration and annoyance that your short break has been significantly disrupted. The second shouldn't remove the first.

I don't understand why you need the.internet to confirm this ?

Yabu , these things happen unfortunately. You are not out missing much by not going to Sorrento. Enjoy Pompeii as that is the main event.

I agree with this.

No, it doesn't make you a shitty person.

You're a human and it's quite normal to feel annoyed that you missed out, as much as you are also entitled to feel sad for the person that died at the same time.

A shitty person would be someone who judged you for feeling inconvenience before sadness.

I would be feeling gutted, but not for myself. Someone left their home this morning and didn't get to return at the end of the day. It is utterly tragic - whether you know someone or not - these experiences are timely reminders that nothing is promised to any of us. I think it's incredibly sad. I remember being in Paris the day after Concorde crashed as we were due to fly out of Charles de Gaulle, but were delayed by 18 hours. It wasn't me I was feeling sorry for.

Yes you need to reality check.

Sorry, but yes it does - if that’s your only concern. It’s ok to feel a bit upset you missed out on your chance of enjoying your holiday but to not give a toss that someone has died is absolutely appalling.

I do understand feeling frustrated, especially as you’ve saved up for this. I think they are 2 different feelings - I would also be feeling sad that someone has lost their life. But that feeling doesn’t necessarily lessen the disappointment feeling. Perhaps I’m harsh too though.
Can the tour company not reschedule for tomorrow instead?

This is horrific. If I'm stuck in traffic because of a crash I genuinely just feel so lucky that I'm safe and hopeful that no one is seriously injured.

Was it actually a tragic accident though, or was it some twat deliberately flouting the road rules?

(I don't expect you to know, of course. But a lot of "accidents" on the road are the result of deliberately reckless behaviour.)

A coach trip on the Amalfi Coast in August is either peppered with accidents on the main road or chock a block with traffic. You should have known this really.

Being the clever one here ha ha, I took the fast train from Rome to Naples, then the Circumvesuviana to Pompeii for a wander around. Skipped Sorrento as it's full of my own countrymen and women and too many hills and it's overrated. Did the trip in one (rather tiring) day, but no traffic issues. The train takes little over an hour to Naples and another hour or so to change trains and get to Pompeii. Had the whole day there starting early.

Consider that for your next trip maybe. And yes you are self centred, but I can to some extent understand your disappointment.

It's not black and white.

If you have been looking forward to a treat, and for whatever reason it get's cancelled due to no fault of your own, of course you can be disappointed about it. That doesn't make you a shitty person. What does is not accepting it and not having the emotional intellegence to understand that your disappointment is nothing compared to what the people directly impacted by the accident will be going through.

I can relate. Once we were driving up to the Isle of Skye and the A87 that runs along side Loch Lomond was closed due to a fatal accident. We had to go on the most enormous detour and did not reach our cottage until the small hours of the morning. I do realise I was being shitty for feeling so inconvenienced.

I can see why MN is keen to shut down the Karen meme.

Pompeii is amazing, make the most of that.

The bus trip to Sorento is nauseating and Sorento not that exciting when you arrive.

All you’ll really miss is a lemon icecream.

I don’t see a problem. If someone else’s death caused you joy there might be, but even if you were the chief mourner you’d be allowed to feel annoyed by your holiday being disrupted.

.

But personally I think you can feel both things- sad for the tragedy, and disappointed that your trip has been impacted.

And that's it?

You wouldn't feel the slightest bit sad that you have missed out on something you had saved for years for, and won't be able to afford to do again?

It's quite normal to have more than one emotion.

All these posters writing: "You're allowed to feed sad AND disappointed" must have missed this line in the original post:

"Instead of feeling saddened about the loss of life I just feel inconvenienced and pissed off that the highlight of my trip has been ruined."

She doesn't feel sad at all.