To feel inconvenienced by a tragic accident?

[OnemargarIta]

I'm currently in Italy (staying in Rome) for three nights. It's my first foreign break in a warm country and I've been so excited and saved up especially.

We booked an excursion for today consisting of a trip to Sorrento where we'd spend time exploring, visiting shops and enjoying local food - and then on to Pompeii on the route back.

We've spent the whole morning/day so far stuck in traffic on the motor way. We are so behind schedule we can now no longer go to Sorrento first because Pompeii closes at 5.30 and there won't be time. A sit down restaurant meal will now be replaced by a takeaway which will be eaten on the coach.

We've just been told the cause of the traffic jam and it's because somebody has died in a collision on the motorway.

Instead of feeling saddened about the loss of life I just feel inconvenienced and pissed off that the highlight of my trip has been ruined.

Does this make me a shitty person? It just occurred that it might 😳

Yes, I would consider you a shitty person. Suppose it was your mother, husband, child who had died and you heard someone was pissed off because it ruined their day out?

There’s a family out there grieving a lost loved one while you're grieving a lost tourist day.

What difference would it make? None at all.

The issue is how long does it take to deal with the initial incident? If the injured are treated and casualties taken to an appropriate place, as well as debris removed then few people would have an issue. It's the s l o w process of information gathering, measuring, tea breaks, chatting and issues which could be dealt with by camera evidence, photographs that cause people to be frustrated. Interestingly the same incident on a major road or when a VIP is due will be dealt with a lot sooner than delay to plebs. Why so?

Also to be clear I don't think you're a shitty person for feeling annoyed and frustrated.

You're a shitty person to come online and put time and energy into doing a weird edgelord brag about not caring about people you don't know, instead of just keeping the annoyance inside your head and reminding yourself to have some goddamn perspective.

OP asked for opinions.

I believe the expression is "Shit happens" get over it.

Accidents happen.. your trip sounds jam packed and hectic time leave more time for contingency!
I don’t think this makes you a shitty person though. X

Honestly if this happened to me, yes I would feel some disappointment. However I would focus on my gratitude for the fact that it wasn’t MY life ended, or anybody I know or love, and that we all get to go on living. perspective?!

This. The trains in Italy are brilliant.

YABU. Partly for not researching the journey properly and mainly for going on the internet and voicing your annoyance at someone else's death.

yes it does. Sometimes we lack empathy through lack of experience. I would be sitting in the jam thinking about my DFriend who died in a crash, and who’s inconvenient death closed a major motorway for several hours.

MN has definitely made me less critical of the Karen meme. I used to think it was basically an excuse to be misogynistic to middle-aged women, but some of the posts on MN have made me realise it's often justified. I've seen threads where posters advise women to complain to the manager because an employee asked a woman not to shoplift, or asked a mother to start paying for the soft play she'd been sneaking her kids into for months. There's a section of white middle-class women who genuinely seem to believe they are princesses.

The fact that a quarter of MNers are on the OP's side says it all. I wonder if this is partly because the OP is in Italy, and therefore the victim might be "a bit forrin". Imagine if someone had posted something similar about, say, Sarah Everard's murder - the results would be about 99% YABU. Because she was a white woman.

Yes it does make you a shitty person and so is your mate @ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera

Last month our train home from a day trip was delayed. I eagerly googled train policy on refunds for delay!
Further announcements revealed it was because someone had jumped onto the track..
That refund hit my account yesterday and I feel shit for having it.
Think will spend the exact amount and put it on the trolley for the food bank.
You certainly lack empathy op.

I think it's understandable to feel both sad and frustrated.

When I was on a train to the airport once, we were significantly delayed because someone had, from what we found out, committed suicide by jumping onto the tracks at a station further down the line. I'd flown over on the red-eye, had minor surgery, hadn't eaten in hours, and was on the brink of an autistic meltdown if I couldn't get home that evening. I just wanted to get home more than anything in the world. I certainly felt both, sympathy and frustration, along with a great deal of guilt for being so annoyed.

You saved up, you had plans, it's a rare experience you might not have another chance to do, you're not there for long; of course you're annoyed! You don't know the person who unfortunately lost their life; one feeling is a lot closer to home than the other, and in this case it's the annoyance. Take a few moments to feel that sympathy, and feel the sadness, and then try not to beat yourself up about it.

YANBU

Doesn't mean you don't care about other people, but look at the context. Something you've saved up for and looked forward to for a while that is very special and out of the ordinary (unlikely you'll do it again soon I'm guessing?) has been really hampered, and you won't get any money back. Of course it's okay to feel inconvenienced. If you were distraught and thanked your lucky stars it's not you every time you heard about someone else dying you'd never get anything else done. It's just bad luck it's happened this way and it's fine to feel upset about it!

But the OP outright admits she doesn't feel sad that someone's been killed.

And people wonder why there are anti-tourist protests in mainland Europe.

You probably won't ever know.

There are plenty of innocent people killed in traffic accidents including my young Brother.

Yes, that's shitty.
You still get to go to Pompeii, which is fabulous. The person who has died doesn't get to do anything ever again.

I think you were mad to plan a day long bus trip when only there for 3 days - would have been better to stay in Rome and properly explore that city rather rush about multiple places in a few days

The lack of empathy is unusual, I think. Tired, disappointed etc, could be expected, coupled against the heartbreak of the tragedy. But to not feel sad at all is rarer. Do you often feel this way?

If I was spending 3 nights in London for the first time, I wouldn't bugger off on a day trip to Bath by coach for one of those days.

Same with Rome and Pompeii.

Yes it's bonkers.
Pompeii needs a whole day anyway.

Let me assure you, you haven't missed out on anything!

Smug

You don’t know the person. The only impact they have had on your life has been to disrupt a much longed for trip. Ofc it’s not unreasonable to be disappointed that you are in this situation - we can’t help how we feel.

That said, the person - given the choice - likely would’ve completed their journey and carried on with life. Sadly for them, that isn’t an option. Life is fragile, and rarely is the end of it convenient for those around them (known or otherwise). It’s somewhat of a privilege to be the one stuck on a coach feeling frustrated you’ve missed out on Sorrento. You don’t need to take on other people’s grief, but there’s space for empathy to the deceased alongside frustration at the disruption. We’re allowed to feel more than one emotion.

As a side note, Sorrento is lovely - go back on another trip, stay there, and take the tour along the Amalfi coast. You’ll have a blast.