To feel inconvenienced by a tragic accident?

[OnemargarIta]

I'm currently in Italy (staying in Rome) for three nights. It's my first foreign break in a warm country and I've been so excited and saved up especially.

We booked an excursion for today consisting of a trip to Sorrento where we'd spend time exploring, visiting shops and enjoying local food - and then on to Pompeii on the route back.

We've spent the whole morning/day so far stuck in traffic on the motor way. We are so behind schedule we can now no longer go to Sorrento first because Pompeii closes at 5.30 and there won't be time. A sit down restaurant meal will now be replaced by a takeaway which will be eaten on the coach.

We've just been told the cause of the traffic jam and it's because somebody has died in a collision on the motorway.

Instead of feeling saddened about the loss of life I just feel inconvenienced and pissed off that the highlight of my trip has been ruined.

Does this make me a shitty person? It just occurred that it might 😳

I've missed a flight due to an accident, the motorway was shut for ages, saw a medicopter in the distance. I felt sorry for the people involved in the crash. I could and did catch the next flight, but someone died in the crash

It could be, but the person who died may not have been the one at fault.

Because she's not dead is she. There's always a chance she can go away again.

But i don't think the OP is saying they feel sadness? They aren't saying they feel both just... inconvenience at the worst day of someones life.

I completely agree with your sentiment though

Oh, a chance, that's alright then, how dare she be disappointed.

Well, yes. Someone's lost their life and you're upset you won't be going shopping. It's a bit much.

I remember sitting in traffic as a kid and one of complaining to my parents and they swiftly replied ‘nobody wants to be in an accident and be causing traffic wind your neck in’ and I always try and come back to that. Yes it’s frustrating, especially when you queue for ages and it was a bod standard mini crash with everyone rubber necking holding up traffic but for a bad incident where someone dies you need to be grown up about it. Poor them.

I remember sitting in traffic as a kid and one of complaining to my parents and they swiftly replied ‘nobody wants to be in an accident and be causing traffic wind your neck in’ and I always try and come back to that. Yes it’s frustrating, especially when you queue for ages and it was a bod standard mini crash with everyone rubber necking holding up traffic but for a bad incident where someone dies you need to be grown up about it. Poor them.

Why wouldn't someone be able to afford to do it again?

In the end, OP is alive and has the opportunity to do it again at some point in the future. It might not be the near future-but it's still a possibility.

Guess who doesn't have the opportunity for a do-over? The person who died.

Wow! Interesting those talking about empathy don’t seem to be very expansive in their application of it. 🙄

Grow up.

Yes, it's absolutely alright as she has the opportunity to potentially go shopping again.

The person who died doesn't have that chance-but sure, the person who does-should absolutely feel gutted to have missed this opportunity.

Some people need to give their heads a wobble. Imagine it was your loved one who died and someone was moaning about missing an opportunity to go shopping.

It's a shame you missed part of your trip, but you can always rebook and go another time. The poor sod lying dead in the road can't rebook their life, can they?

Absolutely.

The fact that you had to ask the question...

ME ME ME

Yes it’s okay to be annoyed at the inconvenience - however, I think the overwhelming feeling should be gratefulness that the worst news you got today is that you won’t get to stop off in Sorrento and not that someone you love has died in a tragic accident.

I think it's normal to feel inconvenienced but yes a decent person would also feel something for the person who has lost their life I think - apart from anything else, there but for the grace of god. I remember years ago a train being terminated at an earlier stop due to someone getting hit by a train, and we had to get a replacement bus. Someone behind me on their phone telling someone else they'd be a bit late and saying 'why does this always happen to me'. That was really shit.

How dare she feels pissed because some person died.

Isn't the point that yes, it's normal to feel disappointed and frustrated by your own plans being inconvenienced, but the fact that someone DIED means that you put that into perspective? Because what you're going through is nothing compared to what the dead person's loved ones are going through, and at least you're alive to see Pompeii another day?

No one's saying you can't feel frustrated but it's shitty to make that your overriding emotion to the extent that you feel it necessary to go online and try to be edgy about it.

Since you ask - yes it does make you a shitty person.

I think your reaction is just a sign of the times, people only really care about themselves now and have an inability to adapt if things aren’t perfect and instagram-ready.

Of course you are.

Your also being unreasonable thinking that you can drive from Rome to Sorrento, explore Sorrento, drive to Pompeii and explore that all in one day!!!

It could have been a stolen car, or someone high on drugs and/or alcohol or just an innocent person in unfortunate circumstances - it's pointless speculating when you don't know the circumstances.
I think you can be frustrated, fed up and sympathetic and grateful all at the same time. We're not black and white creatures. I wouldn't get hung up on it, just enjoy the rest of your time.

Why on earth would you outwardly say this.

Some things are best kept to yourself.

What you’re experiencing, including the self-doubt which comes from a degree of self-awareness, is the same thing as people going on holiday and laughing and drinking and partying when their daily newsfeed if full of people dying of starvation/ children being bombed/ women being used as weapons of war etc. All animals including humans have a capacity for closing their minds to people they don’t know. It’s what makes “friends and family” a thing, at times to significant that the consequences are enshrined in law. I think it’s to do with our relationship with death.

To me, it’s enough that you’re asking yourself if you’re a shitty person and accepting that you might be. It makes you human. We all do it. The more you think about tragedy, the closer you get to death yourself, the less you’ll ask yourself this question.

Of course they would. They just like to sound sanctimonious on MN.
it’s perfectly normal to feel a huge amount of empathy and pissed if that your trio has been negatively affected.

i’m imagining all these saintly people on MN on a trip of a lifetime they’ve saved up for years feeling nothing but sympathy when their trip is completely derailed by a series of traffic events. 😂