To feel inconvenienced by a tragic accident?

[OnemargarIta]

I'm currently in Italy (staying in Rome) for three nights. It's my first foreign break in a warm country and I've been so excited and saved up especially.

We booked an excursion for today consisting of a trip to Sorrento where we'd spend time exploring, visiting shops and enjoying local food - and then on to Pompeii on the route back.

We've spent the whole morning/day so far stuck in traffic on the motor way. We are so behind schedule we can now no longer go to Sorrento first because Pompeii closes at 5.30 and there won't be time. A sit down restaurant meal will now be replaced by a takeaway which will be eaten on the coach.

We've just been told the cause of the traffic jam and it's because somebody has died in a collision on the motorway.

Instead of feeling saddened about the loss of life I just feel inconvenienced and pissed off that the highlight of my trip has been ruined.

Does this make me a shitty person? It just occurred that it might 😳

Yes you are

but we are all selfish and unreasonable at times

and this is your time to feel that way 😬

Well yes you are a bit unreasonable. Of courae its disappointing to miss an exciting trip but life happens, I expect your emotions are a bit out of whack from travelling. Put it into perspecitve. When you are eating your takeaway on the coach reflect on how lucky you are to be doing so and not to either be dead on the motorway or one of their mouring relatives having to go and ID the body or just come to terms with their loss. I bet they don't feel hungry today.

Yes, because most people are capable of feeling sorry for a tragic death as well as feeling upset that their plans have been ruined. It's worrying that you feel no sorrow at all.

It is, but the OP says she only feels sad for herself, not for what has happened to someone else - it's in the first post.

Yes it makes you shitty person, specifically because you said you didn't feel sad, only annoyed at how someone's death has affected you.

As a pp says the traffic would have been horrendous in August even without the accident so this was always going to be a very squeezed trip.

Enjoy Pompeii, hopefully you will get to spend more time there as you’re not rushing to Sorrento.

I agree you can feel both things at once.

I would feel both. Did you at least feel a bit of sadness for the victim?

At least you recognise it, that's the first step.

OP I would feel the same
I would have compassion for the person who died and their family and also not complain out loud or anything but inside I would be a bit pissed off.

I think it makes you a person who struggles with perspective and the ability to be flexible with your plans. There will be a way to reshuffle so ensure your highlights are not missed. It will simply involve prioritising and changing plans and an acceptance you can't always have everything you want exactly as you want it, but can still make the best of what you do have. Unlike a person who had tragically died and their family.

I don't think you are a shitty person.

I am forever being held up in traffic because idiots who cannot drive to the conditons have crashed.

I know you are abroad but English roads are constantly blocked or shut altogether. The standard of driving here is abysmal. Honest truth, I never feel sorry for people anymore, just irritated every time I hear of yet another hold up.

We need more stringent punishments for careless and dangerous driving as well.

It does yes

You have every right to feel sad/disappointed that your day hasn't gone as planned but then you get over it because just remember someone died so they won't ever go on a trip again, explore a new place, have a meal out again, have a shopping trip again and they probably had loved ones that enjoyed those activities with them that will never get to enjoy those things properly going forward as they will be a reminder of the person they have lost

Yes, going on a holiday in itself is a privilage most of the worlds population can never attain. Not being able to eat in a restaurant and explore an area for an afternoon becuase someone has died and a road is shut is mildly inconveniencing you, a person of extreme privilage from the west who gets to go on a holiday (relatively speaking we are all extemeley privilaged if we get to go on holiday) , but for the families involved, a lifelong tragedy.
I think it is natural to feel your own invconvenience and upset but if you counter it with understanding your lucky position, and grateful that you werent on the road earlier that day, it wasnt you in the accident, that you are very lucky to be on a trip at all, enjoying a holiday, you can easily turn your mind to gratitude rathet than annoyance.
Not meaning to sound preachy but this is the thought process i go through when things like this happen and I find myself at odds with my conscience.

It reminds me of Dodie Smith (101 Dalmatians) describing a bad day: “Breakfast didn’t arrive and when I went to investigate Alex was dead”

But that's OK not to feel sad. She didn't know the person.

If you felt sad for every single person that died in an accident you'd spend your entire life grieving.

It IS sad that someone died but you don't have to feel sad and that does not make you a shitty person.

Personally I'd likely be more annoyed with the person that caused the crash that both killed someone and messed up my holiday.

Yes it does, it sounds so heartless.

I hope you are never faced with something like this.

The person who passed was someone’s loved one and all you can think about are your plans.

If anything, accidents like this should make you count your lucky stars and put things in perspective for you.

I'd go as far as saying you're probably like this in other aspects of your life & I wouldn't be surprised if peo0le who knew you irl privately thought the same.

Well there’s a good chance that the person who died was driving dangerously, and could have injured others. So my sympathy is tempered by that.

Not necessarily of course - sometimes the dangerous driver walks away injury free while others are killed 😡

The thing is, the tragedy part has got nothing to do with you. The delay part has.

There will have been more than one tragic accident on the roads today. Are you expected to spend time grieving about them all? Obviously they are sad events and you would rather they hadn't happened to anyone. But this is a rather theoretical thing, rather than an emotional thing, because you didn't know any of the people involved. Many sad things happen every day, and the vast majority of the people who hear about them just think, "Oh, how sad, those poor people," and move on, because they didn't know them and can't do anything about it anyway. You can't mourn for everybody.

Your main emotional reaction here is much more likely to be annoyance at the delay, because that's what's affected your life. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Your feelings don't actually make any difference to the people who died, or to the people who loved them. Nobody is worse off because of your reaction.

If it’s any consolation you hadn’t allowed enough time for Pompeii anyway. Next time book in a minimum of one whole day, with a guide for at least part of it, and maybe another day at Herculaneum as well. It is the most extraordinary place.

Honestly I don't feel sadness no, but I understand why other people would - especially the family.

This. You might be a bit disappointed, I'm sure it can be re-arranged. But someone's life has been tragically lost.

Exactly.

We are with a guide already, the whole excursion / day is as part of a group.

This