To feel a bit offended though he can't help it?

[KaitlynnFairchild]

My DP of 5 years brings his own cutlery and glass to my house because he doesn't like to share things. He had a glass on the bedside table in my room and it had been there for several days so I took it downstairs to wash it.

Unfortunately it is exactly the same as my glasses.

He is now refusing to use the glass because he doesn't know for sure that it is HIS glass. It is perfectly clean, I personally washed it and dried it with kitchen paper. There are no marks or smears on it.

I know he doesn't like sharing and I bite my tongue when he uses his own special cutlery from his own special pouch, but I find it offensive that he can't bring himself to use a clean glass because me or my children (teens & young adults) might have used it.

He manages to use glasses and and cutlery in restaurants/on holiday but takes a bottle of water every where we go so he doesn't have to accept drinks in other peoples houses.

He hasn't been diagnosed with any neurodiversity or mental health issues however I suspect there is something there which is why I bite my tongue usually.

What kind of help is there for OCD, what meds help if you don't mind me asking?

I do think he needs to address this issue.

This isn't going to change, OP. There's no point researching OCD treatment if he won't engage with it. The only question is whether you can live with this. I couldn't.

Im afraid I wiuld be running a mile from this man. I dont want to disrespect OCD sufferers as I am aware how serious it can be, but tbh he seems to be a bit selective about it,
or to be more blunt, I think hes taking the piss

My friend is like this and it's just part of who she is. We all have our quirks. She can't help it and she knows it's un-rational. So she can eat in restaurants because their stuff is clean, but not in holiday homes or other peoples houses.

I have odd things that I am weird about, so we just laugh and we both say we are both weird.

DD is ADHD, awaiting ASD assessment, and she has a lot of quirks about stuff.

This is who he is, and he can't help it. I do think it is odd for you to take offence about your stuff being "dirty". I am sure that he would love to be "normal".

@KaitlynnFairchild we took them to a clinical psychologist specialised in the area to work with them on it. Intensive as a child/teen and then sporadic as an older teen, young adult, adult if different things ‘flared up’.

A quick Google will show you quite a range of meds that are good indicated for OCD, that is, have been assessed and deemed to be effective and safe by worldwide health authorities (such as MHRA, EMA and FDA). As with any medicine, not every medicine will suit every individual, but there is quite a range to try! It would be extremely unusual if nothing at all suited.

Well I suggested he gets help with it and his response -

It's not impacting on my life don't be silly it's a glass. The only person making an issue about it is you.

So now I have swung from offended, to understanding, right back to pissed off.

No he didn't kick off about it, however he did refuse to use the glass and will need a replacement (he was happy to source it) but that IS having an impact on his life. It is having an impact on MY life because it offends me that my glasses are not clean enough, or my kids are so gross they must contaminate glasses beyond being salvageable with a good wash.

I’m a bit like that because in restaurants cutlery is usually washed in a dishwasher. I’ve been thinking lately don’t think I’d be able to go to a certain family member’s house (who I haven’t seen for ages) because the plates just get washed with their sponge 🤢 my sister accuses me of having OCD

Yeah I don't know that I would keep being understanding of someone who absolutely refuses to see that they are causing issues for everyone around them. He's a dick IMO and I'd have no patience at all for such a lack of self-awareness and/or stubborn refusal to accept they are difficult!

There are a lot of things going on here that I would struggle with but him not washing up his own shit and expecting you to facilitate yet not take personal responsibility for the management of his issues, hell no.

Throw this one back. My sympathy for him stopped at his entitlement.

Come on op, why are parenting an adult?

How exhausting. Is he a very good lover so you put up with this nonsense?

@KaitlynnFairchild so hes making you out to be the villain. Typical twattish behaviour . Best thing to do imho is show him the door and tell him to close it behind him

I'm not sure, I'd say I wouldn't use till it had gone through the dishwasher.
I'd probably use a cup instead as BF's kids usually don't have drinks in cups.

Yes I'd say it's your teenagers in your case as well, since he's kissed you, etc.

He may not deliberately “attempt to control” you through his behaviour - it is far more likely that his behaviour is his way of controlling elements of his life that he finds distressing - but the fact is his expectations and demands are imposing control on you, your family and your home life as unintentional collateral damage through his behaviours.

Maybe a dishwasher is the answer - he can buy me one, probably cheaper than therapy too, win win!

This so interesting to me OP, the shoe thing applies to my son as well. One pair of Timberlands on the go, another in the box. Also the weighing out of food. Same thing everyday, all weighed out, a 'uniform' set way of cooking it, i.e, the chicken is cut into chunks with scissors, Never a knife, then coated in breadcrumbs with a spoon, Never use your fingers, the ketchup is weighed out into a little pot, Never put on the plate. Lots and lots of other things and he knows he has got OCD.

it's sometimes amusing to watch to tell the truth, but I leave him to it.

He isn’t refusing because your DC have used them. He’s refusing because anyone has used them.

A few bad experiences and I could end up like this. I wash up when I arrive at DM’s because her sight isn’t great so her washing up is abysmal.

Do you have a dishwasher? I might be uncomfortable if not.

Sorry OP, based on your last update that would be the decision made for me (although you’re a better woman than me for making it through five years). Good luck with your decision.

This guy is clearly autistic. Whether or not he wants to address that is up to him, but if he won't acknowledge it at all, that would be an issue for me being in a relationship.

he needs to do something about this himself before he gets worse

Not sure why everyone is struggling to understand - phobias ARE NOT rational.

Im scared of flying, but driving EVEN THOUGH statistically it is safer.

Someone saying well you'll go in the car just fine even though that's more dangerous does not stop me having a phobia of flying.

Pointing out that this man is fine to have sex is not the gotcha moment you think it is.

I’m surprised he doesn’t have a back up glass, to be honest.

DH is verging on gross with his disregard for such things, at least within the family. The things he does care about though- many back ups. Boxed shoes, pants, socks, trousers ready for when the current set falls apart. Extra jars of peanut butter in case the current one runs out. Enough cheese to host a cheese and wine, in case the cheddar becomes scarce…

Brilliant!..This made me lol @3luckystars I’m getting Roy cropper vibes with the bag.

I once knew someone who couldn't eat from things a child had used.. why i don't know, it just gave them the ick 🤣 maybe that?

To be fair I have ocd too so can understand to some extent, even though it's annoying. I feel like my ocd doesn't affect people around me though.. he must be hard to deal with.

It's not impacting on my life don't be silly it's a glass. The only person making an issue about it is you

Absolutely get rid. If he can’t see it’s something that does impact him, all hope is lost. Of course it impacts on others as well, if he can’t see that then ???

Bin him, he's not worth you constantly stressing yourself out over him.