To be so annoyed about the dangers of being a woman?

[Givemeanamethen]

I like to run or go for long walks. I ususally listen to music or books or whatever.

There are some lovely long circular routes near me through woods and along streams. I do do them, but am always slightly on edge because it’s so big that you can go a while without seeing anyone, and if I pass a man I can’t help but think ‘if I was attacked here no one would hear’. I try and do these at busy times, be finished before it starts getting dark and I’d never do it in the rain because of how quiet it would be. It irritates me that men, of course, won’t have to consider any of this.

Tonight, I didn’t have time to go there so did a four mile route from my house. It’s pretty and got a ruralise atmosphere but the roads are relatively busy, for a Sunday night, and there are plenty of houses. I don’t ususally worry at all on this route.

But this evening, some fucking dickhead cycled up behind me, on the path instead of the road, and shouted right in my ear, clearly to try and frighten me and embarrass me, then he and his friend cycled away.

I’m so angry that I can’t even go on a walk without men getting a buzz out of harassing me.

Not even really sure what my AIBU is but I’m so angry that I could cry.

This

Plenty of people 'give a fuck' about the man's experience. Just because he's a man, his experience should not be thought of any less.

Men still suffer flashbacks, men still suffer with anxiety, men still suffer with depression after being attacked. The posters on here who are saying they're not interested in men's experiences are part of the reason there is such a high mental crisis/suicide rate amongst men... because some men don't talk for fear of their experiences being belittled, ridiculed or not listened too.

Some of you on here should be ashamed of yourselves!

I’ve honestly never felt vulnerable as a woman - I work alone and walk rurally for miles everyday - I’ve never once met a man who has been intimidating or has caused me any worry.

So now you're minimising this posters experience? Wow...

He didn't hijack the thread. He just offered his thoughts.

You'll be fine. You're exaggerating the dangers in your head (not your fault at all) when the risks are minimally low. It's a shame so many women limit themselves unnecessarily.

Yes - the idea that women shouldn't walk alone in rural areas always amuses me. The chances of some random attacker lurking in the bushes hoping somebody will come their way are approaching zero. You're probably more likely to injure yourself at home making dinner.

Gosh I just can’t relate to this at all! Over the years between ages 12 to now - The comments, catcalls (like shouting slaggg out of a car window when I’m walking), trying to frighten or intimidate me like the man who screamed and ran down the road at me when I was walking to meet friends, the ‘minor’ sexual abuse like a man pulling my top down exposing me or lifting my skirt to grab my bum.. and I feel I’ve got off quite lightly as so far I haven’t been raped or seriously hurt by a man.
How does another woman have NOTHING when I’ve had so much from random strangers?

Absolutely this.

Statistically, men are actually more likely to be attacked by a stranger outside their home.

I've had nothing either in over 60 years. Or maybe I just don't notice?

Same.

As women I honestly think we’re talking ourselves into this level of fear.

Not quite sure what you mean by ‘perhaps I didn’t notice’ - I think you’d notice being screamed at or having your bum groped

I've had a number of incidents over the course of my almost 70 years on the planet. One mercifully a narrow escape from the Notting Hill rapist. I've lived in both cities and countryside. It's not pleasant and no-one should have to live with the fear of being attacked or harassed. And that goes for men as well as women.

yes but that's because don't change their behaviour 'just incase' they put themselves in a vulnerable position like women do. We have boy/girl twins - my son has been walking to and from things in the village in the dark since he was a young teen - thankfully my daughter has never asked to do that but if she did I would have to say no.

I don’t know, but I’ve honestly never experienced any of those things, nor have I seen them happen to other women.

Like I say I work outdoors alone and am often in the middle of nowhere with very little/no phone signal - the only thing that’s ever worried me is when I walked through a field and shut the gate behind me only to see a sign saying “Beware of the Bull” 🫣

I agree. The minimising of this man’s experience is shameful.

I know more men who’ve been beaten up, attacked on a night out or generally started on by other (unknown) men than I care to think about, whereas I don’t know a SINGLE woman who’s been physically or sexually assaulted by a stranger whilst out.

The statistics bear this up: as a woman, by FAR your main danger is men you know, namely a partner or former partner.

Women should remember that feeling frightened while walking and actually being at risk are two different things.

The people who’ve been dismissive, insulting and downright hateful about the very real male experience of violence should hang their heads in shame and read some actual data.

YANBU. Men make our worlds smaller - because we’re forced to constrain ourselves due to the risk of violence.

As an example, there’s a beautiful walk near me. It’s about a mile along a river on the edge of town, all gently wooded, then across a bridge and back along the other side of the river, where you join a short road back into the town. Lovely!

Well, it was. I haven’t walked that walk for almost 6 months - because two fucking twats of men sexually assaulted a female dog walker there 😡 That walk used to have lots of regular women walking their dogs there, sometimes with their young children, but now there are none - literally none. This beautiful walk has been taken from us.

Every time I think of a nice place to go that’s more rural, the first thing in my head is men. Men fucking everywhere, ruining life for everyone else. Just the threat of them constrains us. And no, I’m not going to ‘be brave’ and not let them. The woman who was attacked was just like me, walking in the middle of the day with two dogs. She took no risks. It’s not her fault.

it makes me SO angry. I dream of this all being changed (by curfews? geotags?) so we can have bigger world, free to walk in woods, in the evening, to jog in the countryside, to walk home from an evening out - without the ever-present threat of men.

Curfews? How would that work?

This attitude in males starts very early in life……….I was walking home recently and being disabled, using a walking stick and being quite slow I always keep to one side of the pavement thus giving other people loads of room to pass. I was merely inches away from fencing and hedges across the front of a row of houses along the road with plenty of space the other side of me for other pedestrians to use. A young boy walking towards me, around 11 or 12 years old thought it was a good idea to force his way between me and the fence, he physically pushed me with his body, shouldering me out of his way whilst laughing ……… 🤬. If I hadn’t have needed the walking stick to keep my balance I would have cheerfully wrapped it around his fucking neck! Of course, had I done so, I would’ve been in the wrong for assaulting a child but where is the respect for people? Would he have done the same had I been a male?
He was in school uniform and was being followed by three other pupils from the same school……they stopped and checked that I was ok so had obviously seen what he had done, so they’re not all ignorant little shits!
It hasn’t stopped me walking along that stretch of road but it has made me very alert, I now use a personal alarm which I haven’t had to use yet but only time will tell.

I was in the park walking my dog and clocked a bloke quite far away from me acting strangely, he was ‘cantering’ like a kid pretending to run like a horse. I did think to myself it would be just my luck if that weirdo comes my way.
Anyway my dog stopped for a poo, and as I was standing up from picking up the poo and tying the bag up this guy is trying to grab my arm! My dog jumped at him and bit his hand and he stood holding his hand to his chest for a second before legging it!
it sounds mad but it happened so quickly I didn’t really react!
Like fuck would that weirdo have done that to a big 6ft odd bloke!

YANBU. Men make our worlds smaller - because we’re forced to constrain ourselves due to the risk of violence.

Speak for yourself. Men have precisely no impact on my day to day life.

This! 👏👏👏

YANBU. Everyday things are more dangerous for one reason and one reason only and it's perfectly normal to be fucked off about it.

Statistically, women are far less likely to become victims of crimes of violence than men. I think generally women represent around 20-25% of victims of violence.

Sex offences, of course, are a very different matter. I wouldn't be at all surprised if women were 90% or more of victims. i don't think I know a single woman who hasn't been subject to some sort of sexual assault.

A keen runner of my acquaintance got a dog so that she felt safer when out running in in the countryside.

I do feel that the fabric of society is being torn apart at the moment in all sorts of ways, creating a lower trust environment and that the underlying tension this creates emboldens people to behave in ways they wouldn’t have previously, whether that’s threatening a woman on a run or shop lifting. In some ways I think it’s remarkable that there isn’t more crime, because we all know that the police are unlikely to solve anything but the most serious cases (they are good on murder investigations) because they are so busy handling the ludicrous burden of non-crime hate incidents in which some middle aged women has complained about a 6ft bloke playing against her daughter’s hockey team or some such other incident. If police were told to focus on crime and drop non-crimes they might have time to create an environment in which you feel safe on your run.