To be so annoyed about the dangers of being a woman?

[Givemeanamethen]

I like to run or go for long walks. I ususally listen to music or books or whatever.

There are some lovely long circular routes near me through woods and along streams. I do do them, but am always slightly on edge because it’s so big that you can go a while without seeing anyone, and if I pass a man I can’t help but think ‘if I was attacked here no one would hear’. I try and do these at busy times, be finished before it starts getting dark and I’d never do it in the rain because of how quiet it would be. It irritates me that men, of course, won’t have to consider any of this.

Tonight, I didn’t have time to go there so did a four mile route from my house. It’s pretty and got a ruralise atmosphere but the roads are relatively busy, for a Sunday night, and there are plenty of houses. I don’t ususally worry at all on this route.

But this evening, some fucking dickhead cycled up behind me, on the path instead of the road, and shouted right in my ear, clearly to try and frighten me and embarrass me, then he and his friend cycled away.

I’m so angry that I can’t even go on a walk without men getting a buzz out of harassing me.

Not even really sure what my AIBU is but I’m so angry that I could cry.

Yes ive always been extremely wary and cautious about where I walk my little dog alone. I have had a couple of incidents where I have panicked when I have been somewhere quite isolated and random men have appeared from nowhere. obviously werr all innocent walkers but I couldn't help but panic, my heart pounding.
I was wondering if all women feel this fear, are we born with this fear for self preservation. im sure this fear has gotten worse for me with age tbh.

Well it bloody well should exclude men. I bet you want blokes in dresses in our changing rooms and toilets too don’t you?
The male apologists in here tonight is sickening.

I hear you, OP. It's maddening.

I'm in some Facebook photography groups, and some people post stunning rural photos taken in the very early mornings. Those people are ALL men! Because it's just not dangerous for them to wander wherever they want to, in rural areas early in the morning.

I honestly don't know what the answer is. I wouldn't enjoy being out in lonely areas alone because I'd be worried, so I go out where it's busier. But I know I miss out on the solitude of nature. It isn't fair, but you'll just have to decide how much risk you want to take. I'm not comfortable with much risk at all, but your mileage may vary.

The few times I've been in a rural area alone, there's been some fucking weirdo around that's leered at me and said something unintelligible. Fucking fuckwits.

"No one gives a f*ck about the man's experience. It's irrelevant. This thread is about WOMENS experience"

Clearly not true as other posters have posted about it, including women.

If you wanted this thread to be exclusively about women's experience you probably should have posted in feminism not aibu.

She's upset, and she has a right to be.

How fucking awful. Your poor daughter. 😢

Everyone, note that if a truck driver behaves like this, remember that he's at work and you can take his number plate and company name from the truck, and report him. A truck driver drove really close to me once on a ped crossing so I had to jump out the way, which made him laugh, and I so wish I had thought to do this. If I had, I'd have reported him to both the police and his company.

Some men are twats you say.🧐

Are you having a laugh? Yours is one of the most tone deaf posts I've read in ages.

Are you one of them "nice guys" @Yabberwok?

I can't stand people who put earphones in when walking, cycling or running. It's completely inconsiderate and just plain stupid. People have to be able to hear what's going on around them and choose not to.

I think fear of violence for women is of course very different. We typically experience more sexual based crimes.

That said since this thread is arguing about men, I have a ton of fears letting my black son go out alone. He faces things I haven’t faced.

I’m sorry for anyone who has experienced violence.

I started being assaulted as a young child and it’s awful to live in fear.

Big hugs to everyone who has been hurt. 💝

It’s not for arguing about men. It’s about women, however much posters have tried to derail it to centre men.

It's not just about being actually attacked, though. It's also about all the yelling and leering and being followed and insulted and having obscenities and obscene gestures thrown your way, all of which is very threatening and deeply unpleasant. OK, so you get home and you haven't been physically harmed. You've still been insulted, frightened and/or angered, and had your leisure time completely fucking ruined.

Men do NOT have to deal with this. It is NOT the same. Men might experience higher levels of actual violence, but they are not persecuted in public - and therefore frightened - in the way I just described with anything even approaching the same frequency.

Women are persecuted ALL the time, which carries with it the implicit threat of violence. Men do NOT experience this.

Yeah absolutely. Those gorgeous beach sunset/sunrise photos very early or very late. I’d love to go and sit on the beach and watch it but just couldn’t enjoy it.

My thoughts exactly, I guess I worry a little less about my son, but he’s still at risk. The biggest difference is sexual violence isn’t it? I doubt men need to fear that, but they do need to fear violence.

Absolutely 100% spot on.

Maybe a separate thread could be started about what men need to fear because this thread is about women.

I walk rurally without feeling threatened, I do think it’s having two fairly large dogs though. They love me obsessively and I can’t see anything happening to me because of that.

If I felt really threatened the dogs would be even bigger!

Yes, walking with medium/large or strong dogs makes an enormous difference.

How the hell can you say that you feel as threatened as a woman when, as you state, you are built like Goliath? You are confident in the knowledge that you can take on quite a few men. We can have no such confidence.

Loosely statistics suggest he is more likely to attack a man given men are also more likely to be the victim of violence (by less of a margin than they are more likely to be the perpetrator though).

The vast majority of victims of stranger violence are men. I worry much more for my male relatives overall.

That said it worries me that the old "don't hit a woman" mentality doesn't seem to have been passed down to the current young generation.

Really sorry this happened to you.

I am part of Krav Maga, which is a self defense/Isreali combat thing, and our instructor would never approve of us wearing any type of headphones, for any reason, when we're on our own in public. This would include walking, jogging, public transport etc

Not only do headphones mute awareness of regular environmental cues like sirens, barking dogs which might alert us to things, approaching cars etc, you also leave yourself open as a target to predators who see your inability to hear as a vulnerability to exploit.

The advice against headphones isn't just for women, btw.

Not saying this is your fault or should have happened.

Hope you're okay.

You’ve not understood the point of the original post. You may be subject to harassment on occasion but you literally have no idea what it’s like for women and your situation and the one of women is absolutely not comparable!

You are right that it is not a competition.
However, I do think that men can walk out freely in a way women can't and don't. It is always a consideration for a woman when they are going somewhere lonely that they are vulnerable, and always have to be alert (and I don't even mean that lonely, but just somewhere out of sight and earshot of others).

I think women are not so afraid of being mugged/physically assaulted/stabbed or killed so much as being sexually assaulted (I could be wrong here?), just for being a woman.

It was ever thus. We are better at reporting it than in the past, it is taken more seriously than it was in the past, but I am not sure it will change anytime soon. And conviction rates are shockingly low, so many do go unreported.

When a woman says she is worried about being attacked in the woods she is worried about being attacked and raped by a male in the woods.

When you are being attacked are you worried the male is going to rape you? This is why people are telling you it’s not the same thing.

You specifically mention in your first post you show the women in your life how to defend themselves - which means you understand women are specifically vulnerable otherwise you would have just said you show the people in your life.

I am sorry you are being attacked. The same happened to b’n’law who is 6ft 5inches … it stopped when he moved to a more affluent area in England.

Plenty of men become anxious after an attack like this. Some even develop full blown PTSD.
Categorising forgetting about it as the manly response, and ruminating on it as the womanly response is really unhelpful, IMO.