To be so annoyed about the dangers of being a woman?

[Givemeanamethen]

I like to run or go for long walks. I ususally listen to music or books or whatever.

There are some lovely long circular routes near me through woods and along streams. I do do them, but am always slightly on edge because it’s so big that you can go a while without seeing anyone, and if I pass a man I can’t help but think ‘if I was attacked here no one would hear’. I try and do these at busy times, be finished before it starts getting dark and I’d never do it in the rain because of how quiet it would be. It irritates me that men, of course, won’t have to consider any of this.

Tonight, I didn’t have time to go there so did a four mile route from my house. It’s pretty and got a ruralise atmosphere but the roads are relatively busy, for a Sunday night, and there are plenty of houses. I don’t ususally worry at all on this route.

But this evening, some fucking dickhead cycled up behind me, on the path instead of the road, and shouted right in my ear, clearly to try and frighten me and embarrass me, then he and his friend cycled away.

I’m so angry that I can’t even go on a walk without men getting a buzz out of harassing me.

Not even really sure what my AIBU is but I’m so angry that I could cry.

To be fair to him men are far more likely to be attacked by other men, especially strangers, than women are. Why are you so offended? He’s only offering an opinion.

i was on a train a couple of weeks ago and passengers had to intervene to help a middle aged woman who was being spat on and verbally abused by a gang of teenage girls. The world can be a horrible place

Can we not have a conversation about the lack of freedom women have compared to men without having to centre men? Fucking Hell.

Apparently the answer is no.

I agree @BreatheAndFocus in how I look at a rural walk and think how lovely but then the second thing I think about is what if there’s a predatory male nearby? Perhaps the statistics are with me and it’d be okay and perhaps NAMALT but enough of them are. All we have to do is read the news and every single day there’s a story of a woman being raped or murdered. Including women walking their dogs or going for a run.

My DH doesn’t give a second thought about going for a long walk in a rural area or walking the dogs in a park at night. Even with dogs, I just wouldn’t risk it. Agree with the other posters that if all women reported the abuse they receive at the hands of random men (and the police bothered to record them), the statistics would skyrocket to reflect our day to day reality. I too have been screamed at by a young prick in a white van while riding a bike. Just wtaf?

There are many studies confirming that a significant percentage of men would force a woman to do a ‘sexual act’ (including rape) if there were no consequences. So we are justified in our concerns despite the patronising gaslighting evident by some posters.

YANBU OP.
I think the posters who talk about men being subject to stranger violence more than women are talking about actual physical violence as in assault or battery, but do not take into account the constant harassment women and girls experience throughout their lives that don't fit the defnition of "violence". The comments, the looks, intimidating behaviour, the flashing, the groping..., and then the actual violence and domestic abuse in all its many forms. If any woman has made it well into adulthood and not experienced any of this, they would be very lucky. It would be fair to say that harassing behaviour, not just actual violence, often make us feel anxious, and even violated.

I'm exactly the same. I do think some things may have gone completely over my head, but I've never experienced anything truly frightening.
I walk in woods and countryside, ive walked through numerous European cities in the evening solo, I am alone in my campervan in remote area.
I'm retired now, but worked in a 90% male environment for 30 years and apart from some probably inappropriate 'banter', which is easily handled, I've never had any moments of being afraid.

I think this was fine..

I certainly don't live my life in fear of being attacked by a random man. The chances are so slim. I don’t get harassed by men either. You’re more likely to be attacked by someone you know anyway.

Good post and highlights why it's not always about living in fear as if that's the bar.

OP I am so sorry that this thread has descended into delusion. You’ve started a thread to rant about the female experience and that’s totally ok, although apparently it’s not and all of the “pick me” women are jumping to defend the men.
there really is no space to just discuss these kinds of things without the extra noise of NAMALT. Very irritating.

i agree with you though OP, I’ve always said to DH that I want to go for a jog around where we live when it’s quiet at midnight etc. but I darent because I’m too scared. He asked why was I scared, he’d do it no problems. He couldn’t fathom why anyone would have any qualms about going out after dark

It's also a shame that so many women are minimising the reality for many other women because it hasn't happened to them personally, instead of realising how fucking lucky you are if it hasn't.

I'm honestly surprised at women who have never ever encountered any male violence or untoward behaviour during their lifetimes. Unless they live as a hermit! Was thinking back over the past few years, just in my usually peaceful neighbourhood. One neighbour shouted at aggressively and threatened by a workman at her house so that two of us nearby had to come and try to distract him/calm him whilst the police were on their way. Another neighbour nearly rammed into by an abusive partner in their car whilst she was with her baby on the street. A neighbour's husband who tried to strangle his son and ended up in prison. My partner and I threatened by a guy walking his big dog off leash just behind our house because his dog chased our cat!

My belief is that the man concerned was trying to express empathy by saying "it's not all roses for men either, take consolation in that". His position is based in his experience, as well as statistics.

I think that in rational term the levels of fear of "stranger danger" should probably be more similar between men and women, but that is not the point. The point is that men commit rape, and most men are straight, and women rationally make decisions constantly about when and where they will walk, and however safe they believe the area they live will choose when and wear to run or walk. In contrast a more typical male experience is probably that they'll only consider their walking route if they happen to be visiting a friend in a really dodgy bit of a big city and will take the main road back to the station late at night, and not cut through the council estate with an appalling reputation.

I have sympathy with both sides of this - for the men who have experienced violence and threats and understand the risk they are at, and for the women who are at a similar lever of risk. But let's be honest it is women that constantly suffer from the indirect affects of violence that outweigh the direct affects, not men. Men, to stereotype, get on with their lives. Women, in contrast, are constantly risk assessing, and constantly finding their lives limited compared to men. Perhaps it would be rational for men to worry more, and women less... but on the other hand there is little benefit to worrying more, and anyone who criticizes women for constantly risk assessing and not running in the woods at night is insane.

your poor teenage sons will absolutely not be subjected to what women go through. It's not comparable and anyone including @Yabberwokand yourself bringing in men into this discussion is part of the problem.

there is an epidemic of violence against women and girls. I'm pretty sure your male self, or your precious teenage sons, won't be part of the women and girls suffering.

Well statistically he is absolutely correct. Men, particularly ones of above average height, are the most likely group to be victims of violence. Guess I read his comment as agreeing that some men are a problem for everyone, not just women.

I go the football walk the game and when it’s a night match and I walking down on my own I call my husband , tell him we’re I am quite loudly and have my location turned on.

he knows roughly how long it takes me to walk back.

husband supports a different team, ground is also within walking distance to our house, no such issues for him. Absolute awful world women in live in.

Whilst addressing mental health is always important. It’s actually normal to be anxious about a reality.

OP, ignore posters like @SquishedMallow

ive seen threads they've commented on and multiple other posters (including me) have recognised the username for bullying so it's a bit pot kettle black for them to say you're 'bullying'. They also like to call OPs 'threatening' to.

ignore them, they'll go away.

@Yabberwok.As a man you will be vilulified on here for daring to speak out.. Most women on these threads hate men just because they are men. As it happens, I agree with you as my teenage son, dh and other boys /men are are at risk of being physically assaulted too by some men. In fact in a tragic local case, a teenage boy was raped recently in this area.

I've never said that. Load of rubbish.

Good post (although be prepared to be jumped on by the thread bullies)

I've encountered shit, majority of us have. I refuse to live my life in fear though. I just (blindly) get on with my life. I'm not going to avoid walking through the fields or the woods in case someone is hiding in the bushes, because the likelihood is, they aren't.

As other PPs have also said, I am concerned for my DS as much as I am my DD.

It’s comments like this that irritate me. I should be allowed to speak about my own experiences without being told I’m minimising other women or that I’m just lucky. My positive experience is just as valid as someone else’s negative one.

Men are much more likely to be mugged or be victims of violent crime from strangers than women.

I don't think advising anyone to walk down dark isolated places at night in the spirit of 'not letting them win' is good advice. Reality is that society has never been a safe place, the human race is inherently aggressive and that is not about to change any time soon. Putting yourself at risk is not going to further the cause.

Tgabjd@Squished Mallow. I was actually expecting an attack from your post! I await.

I was first sexually assaulted by a boy at the age of 12. A man at the age of 14. I have been groomed, had countless sexual assaults and had to fend off unwanted attention/ aggression. It angers me that women have to teach their daughters to look out for predators, about consent. About staying safe. That women have to think about their routes, where they go and how to stay safe.
We are so conditioned to do so that it is normal.

Of course men have issues too but that doesn’t invalidate our issues and the two are not comparable. For men it is potential occasions where they experience a violent situation. For women it shapes how we live.

Oh but you're meant to vehemently agree that as women we're supposed to be truly terrified and outraged at this god awful world we live in, at the hands of all these men.

Not risk assess based on facts that won't change (females are vulnerable based on reduced strength ) and crack on with your life.

I'd hate to live in some of these posters heads.

I honestly think as white middle class women they enjoy the only victimhood that they can muster up (being female) so enjoy reaping the power of shouting down men when they dare to speak (in support) on here. I think they read blackmumsnetters or LGBTQ threads and think "I want a piece of that mentality".

The chimp paradox is a great book for their mentality. Really makes you live in peace. Accepting things you can't change (like inherit need to risk assess because of your vulnerability-that can apply to any group by the way ) and also teaching you to think logically and react logically instead of emotionally. You can tell by the amount of aggression and profanities and knee jerk insults being flung around by the same posters that there is most definitely an emotional reaction. Fine by me. But it won't get them anywhere.