To be so annoyed about the dangers of being a woman?

[Givemeanamethen]

I like to run or go for long walks. I ususally listen to music or books or whatever.

There are some lovely long circular routes near me through woods and along streams. I do do them, but am always slightly on edge because it’s so big that you can go a while without seeing anyone, and if I pass a man I can’t help but think ‘if I was attacked here no one would hear’. I try and do these at busy times, be finished before it starts getting dark and I’d never do it in the rain because of how quiet it would be. It irritates me that men, of course, won’t have to consider any of this.

Tonight, I didn’t have time to go there so did a four mile route from my house. It’s pretty and got a ruralise atmosphere but the roads are relatively busy, for a Sunday night, and there are plenty of houses. I don’t ususally worry at all on this route.

But this evening, some fucking dickhead cycled up behind me, on the path instead of the road, and shouted right in my ear, clearly to try and frighten me and embarrass me, then he and his friend cycled away.

I’m so angry that I can’t even go on a walk without men getting a buzz out of harassing me.

Not even really sure what my AIBU is but I’m so angry that I could cry.

I am more afraid of loose dogs and drivers looking at the phones when cycling than of male cyclists or pedestrians.

What an absolutely mental thread. OP of course you’re right, it’s appalling. There’s something weird about the derailing posts. I see it so much on MN now that it’s impossible to use. This thread is a cracker though.

The reason for being fearful and practicing avoidance / staying home/ never going out alone could be PTSD. I highly recommend EMDR and flash.

worked for me :)

That is broad daylight, not sunrise or sunset.

It’s the absolute mania of wanting to defend men and insist there is no danger. Is it denial maybe? I don’t know.

With an added dash of inventing things that the OP has said. A lot of poetic licence going on. It’s very strange.

Those of us who have or are planning to add a protecting dog to our lives-any experience of boxers, giant schauzers, airedales or dobermans, please? Love mastiffs, but need a rangy active dog with innate protecting instinct, which will be a loved member of the family.

Boxers are bloody nuts

It was sunrise when I started my walk at 7am, and 8:30am when I got to the top of the hill. It’s not flat where I live.

I feel the fear but do it anyway. Im sure I read somewhere that me are more at risk of assault in a public place than women. I worry more for my teenage DS

No, it's the fact you shot down a man who was trying to agree with you but because he's a man, his experience is not the same as yours.

The only ones creating mania are you and the others who feel that man shouldn't be telling his story on 'your thread' (that happens to be on a discussion based website!)

Yes exactly.

because he's a man, his experience is not the same as yours

Pleased you’ve finally grasped it.

^This 100%
A website that is for women and men. and she posted in AIBU which is going to show up on everyone’s feed, if she only wanted women she should have put it in the feminist board as men rarely go there,

He did say up front that his experience is not like yours…but you just pretended he hadn’t and got all offended and angry over nothing.

When I had my staffy I felt safe. They are such lovely, loyal dogs.

That was me quoting you. Perhaps if you weren't so high up on your own pedestal, bleating on about an innocent man, you'd have noticed that.

Boxers are fantastic but don't get one unless you already know the breed.

I also woulnd't be too sure about all of these dogs having particularly active protection instincts. A friends Doberman would probably lick you to death but that's pretty much it... He would however deter quite a lot of intruders or attackers simply because of his appearance and size.

It feels like an orchestrated attempt to not allow these sorts of discussions. I’m genuinely not a tin foil hat fan, but it’s so widespread on any thread about women’s experiences that it can’t be a coincidence. I would like to show solidarity with women posting their experiences but it’s impossible with so many posts from one or two people making it impossible to spot people genuinely engaging with their experiences.

Anyway, for anyone who feels the same as the OP, you aren’t imagining it or making it up for attention. It’s real. As you were.

At 50, a very young delivery driver took my phone number from a parcel delivery note, WhatsApp’d me asking for photos.
When I refused and said I was offended he replied…
I just thought it might cheer you up!
I complained, they took him off the round and then a few months later back he came.
He still works for them!
I am now closer to 60 and opened the door to him this morning with a greasy bun, a beard, a viscose nightie and black ankle socks.
Let’s just say…. I think he’s gone right off me.
But that’s me trying to find humour in it.
Men like this aren’t just scoping out women they find attractive, they are seeking out vulnerability as well. That’s how I felt at the time.

I know about those statistics. I do however wonder whether that's also an issue of the type of attack, severity and the likelihood of the victim even filing a report.

When I was groped I knew that reporting it would be useless. The catcalls I have received? Those made me uncomfortable and self-aware.

When a group of men decided to drive sloooowly next to me whilst I was walking home (early evening) when I was about 15 / 16 year old? That made me feel scared and unsafe. But was there even anything to report?

Do I still go out? Sure. Did those experiences have an impact on me? Absolutely. Despite never showing up in crime stats.

I will always regret not filing a report when I was assaulted. But I - like so many victims - was simply too ashamed and felt like nothing would come of it. (Being somebody who works with victims and offenders nowadays? Yes, I was probably right about that. But I still regret not reporting it.)

Agree much of assault goes unreported by victims, female and male.

The CSEW tries to balance that by surveying people in an anonymous way as to what assaults - physical and sexual- outside the home and domestic abuse inside the home they have experienced from childhood through to old age. This usually informs the statistics and is given as more weight as police reports. The crimes reported in the CSEW show it is much more prevalent than the police reports would indicate.

YANBU. We asked a group of male friends inc DH how often they were nervous cutting through the park just after dusk and whether they held their keys in a fist ready to fight back if necessary. The answer was a confused never. It never occurred to them. But it did to all of their wives and girlfriends.

I’m no tiny woman but it would take nothing for a man to overpower me.

This thread has made me so sad. I completely agree with everything OP has said. It's sad, but expected, that a man would feel the need to comment at all, unless it was to offer his sympathy.
It's more sad, and irresponsible, to see women telling other women that, because it hasn't happened to them that it is an exaggerated fear.

In my 42 years I have experienced;
aged 9, a similar aged boy trying to get me to touch his penis.
Aged 18, a man grabbing my breasts as he walked past me and his male friends then chasing/harassing me for the cheek I had in complaining about the 'joke'
Aged 21, followed by a man in a car, I had to hide to lose him
Aged 16-30, endless instances of having my bum, hips, legs fondled by strangers in pubs/clubs
Aged 30+, many instances of unwanted attention, unwanted touching

If women genuinely haven't ever felt threatened by a man they have been very, very fortunate.

I totally agree OP - we'll have true equality when we can go out for a run in the dark or a lonely area without worrying about being attacked.

There was a discussion on here a week or so ago about how men don't get attacked walking their dog or just walking home from work - they do get attacked in pubs or as part of gangs etc but they are not in fear of their safety just doing normal things.

My DH says he wouldn't go for a run in a dark place but that's in case he falls over. He's not going to be raped and/or murdered because some nutter felt like it.

Where does this mythical help come from?

That looks amazing. It reminds me of those hills in L.A

The fear depends on lots of things. I live in a very remote rural area. I walk alone in the middle of the night to remote woods a lot when I can't sleep. Yet, in a city that would not be the same and I would not be so fearless.

Weirdly, after this thread discussion; I was out driving today to a lovely nature spot. I don't drive under the speed limit. I'm usually a bit over. I do my fair share of speeding. There were 3 different occasions where cars were so aggressively tailgating me through country roads. I thought wtf is this. I am in a chilled, enjoy the drive mood, I'm checking i am definitely not under in a rural 30 where a few kids darted out of drives etc.

I now always just pull over so I don't trigger myself or make the mistake of brake slamming, which I could do in anger when I see it's always always a man. Each time they'd look at me as I pulled over today in disdain or that head shaking pathetic look. I did not need to look to know they were all bloody men.

What is this. Is it because I'm so zen today, I am not driving all revved up and angry like most people so I am standing out. I'm a confident experienced lone driver. I've driven most places and nothing phases me much.

So I actually today said to myself, you men are pathetic. And I wondered if I'm turning into one of those types as I age. ( I know it's not fair to generalise so I can laugh at myself and know it is a bit harsh. ) I'm open to women driver stereotypes and will laugh at any truths. I'm just trying not to run kids over though ffs, that's my crime. I never encounter women doing this shit driving. They wouldn't dare if I was a meat head bloke, I am sure of it.