To think indecision is bloody rude

[AirborneElephant]

Have family staying. Love them, but my god they drive me mad. What would you like for breakfast? Whatever you’re having. Would you like to do x today? If you’d like. Would you like tea or coffee? I don’t mind. Do you want chips or salad? Whatever you want. AAAARGH. It’s not polite, it’s rude and passive-aggressive .

Just a rant really, but anyone else find this incredibly annoying?

It can be annoying but I just decide for them and be damned.

I don’t find indecision rude or passive aggressive but I do occasionally find it bloody annoying.
I do actually have a bit of previous form for indecision myself, it’s something I’m working on because the root of it for me personally is that I have a tendency towards being a people pleaser which doesn’t really serve me well so I’m getting way better at being decisive.
Also though I think at times people really might not have a preference so think it best to defer to someone that might have a preference so everyone is happy.

That said, I was seeing someone who was incredibly indecisive and it really annoyed me after a while, to the point that it really turned me off them.

They are probably afraid of being rude or putting you out, so don't want to ask for something specific for breakfast, for example. I would try and lay out more things and tell them to help themselves - might make them feel more comfortable.

I find constant indecision at bit rude. It's often under the guise of being easy going and low maintenance. In actual fact, it puts the responsibility of decision making on others which can get a bit grating as you can then end up trying to second guess what they actually want.
My inlaws will never make a decision or express a preference to where/what to have for dinner when they visit (same when we go to them). It used to really bug me but after a few years I decided to use it to my advantage and plan exactly what suits me whenever they come to us!

I agree with this. Just lay out the options and crockery and tell them to help themselves.

and for other things - don’t ask, tell. ‘We’re going for a walk to the park now’ rather than ‘do you want a walk? Where to? When?’

Wouldn't bother me. It's making life simple. I don't choose to socialise with people like this because it's like they have no personality so they bore me. But as it's family I'd suck it up. Take them at face value and stop trying to entertain them. Give them whatever you're eating for breakfast, take them out wherever you think is nice to go, make them tea or coffee whenever you make one for yourself. The only time I'd get cross is if they complained about the food/drink/activities.

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It depends.

Not minding what’s for breakfast is probably just politeness. I might really fancy bacon and eggs for breakfast, but I’m not going to tell my hosts that unless they specifically offer it as an option. I’d be more likely to just go with the flow and say ‘I’ll have whatever you have in / usually eat’,

Indecision over bigger plans, like what to do each day, is a bit tiresome, though.

This drives me mental. I've got a friend who absolutely under pain of death will not make a suggestion or express a preference. His party piece on nights out is refusing to say what drink he wants when you're going to the bar. He literally just says 'I don't know what I want. Steve, what do I want?' (partner). I'm too old for it now so last time I said to the bar tender 'he'll have a pint of Cruzcampo' and he had the nerve to look affronted. It's beyond infuriating.

I think indecision is difficult but those who are indecisive are probably trying to be easy guests. They are probably genuinely happy with whatever you decide and happy to go along with whatever you choose for them

Bloody hell.

I often have family visit from overseas, and they are the same.
It's inconvenient but not rude or passive aggressive ( wtf!).
They are just trying to not be a bother, without realising it is.

I get you its like when buying a bottled drink think fanta or coke whatever, they won't tell you what they want, it's like .......... not that hard - pick!

But maybe they genuinely don’t mind. If they complained afterwards that they breakfast wasn’t right or they didn’t enjoy the outing you had planned you’d have a point, but some people are just pretty relaxed and grateful that you’re hosting. Just make all the decisions yourself and crack on with it.

Use toddler taming techniques - either/or questions and when/then statements. Choose the option that is the least work for you. "Coffee or tea?" "I don't mind." "I'm having tea" Make tea for yourself and the other person.

Not choosing an option means it's a negative. Don't put yourself out for people who don't care.

My DP is like this through and through and it drives me up the walls.

I don’t think it’s rude though, if anything it comes from trying to be the opposite.

This isn’t rude behaviour, it’s polite.

You are being equally as indecisive by not just accepting their reply! When they answer, accept their answer. Or don’t offer a choice (they’re family so you are aware of their likes and dislikes).
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It's annoying when someone either cannot or will not make a decision.

How I act depends on how well I know them and if I understand why they behave the way they do.

Im much more sympathetic if its a confidence issue than if its someone like my mum who knows exactly what she wants but refuses to say then sulks if you guess wrong.

Re your situation, take them at their word. Do what you want / what's easiest for you.

You are being equally as indecisive by not just accepting their reply!

This is a strange argument, I have to say.

They are trying to make your life easier by not putting you to any trouble, but it’s having the opposite effect. I don’t think that’s rude, just irritating for you when people won’t make a decision.

I agree with other posters - don’t offer a choice and they won’t have to make a decision. Eg - I’m making toast and tea for breakfast , hope that’s okay with everyone?
We are going to the park around 2 ish if anyone would like to join us?

Edit for typing error

It not hard to understand. People are asked a question, they give an answer, you accept it.

‘Whatever you’re having’

’Fine!’

This. I have the exact same problem with my family and my in laws, we are Irish and I put it down to culture as I used to be like this before I travelled and moved to other places. It’s so annoying. I had my brother over to visit us recently, we’re in the UK. Our texts before his arrival went like this.
What do you want to do?
Whatever, I don’t mind.
Ok maybe we can go on a boat and explore Greenwich
I’ll do anything.
What time should I meet you?
Anytime, just come whenever.
Ok, do you want to go on the boat?
No direct answer but I’m pretty sure he said yeah that sounds good.
When we met up finally he tells me that he doesn’t like boats. He was also not ready when I arrived to the area he was staying so had to wait 40 minutes for him because he told me to ‘come whenever.’ It is rude and then when you make a decision they don’t like, they’ll go along with it and make up a lame excuse to get out of it last minute. ‘Oh I feel suddenly sick, I can’t do xyz after all.’

Frustration with someone else's non-committal answer isn't being indecisive.

Yes. my mum is exactly like this and its always drove me mad. Just say fkin yes or no when I ask if you would like something. is it a generational thing? my mum is in her early 70s.

It depends whether they complain when you make the decision.

It’s exhausting. My mother is a chronic offender. In her case, it’s a combination of not wanting to take responsibility for a choice (‘Italian or Chinese?’ ‘Film X or Film Y?’ and thinking it’s ‘rude’ for women to answer a question directly. So ask if she’d prefer tea or coffee, and she’ll dither and then say ‘Ooh, whatever having!’ Even though she hates coffee.