To think of they want to bath together then it’s not a problem?

[LondonLady1980]

I have two boys; the eldest is 11.5 years old and the youngest has just turned 8.

They adore each other and are pretty much inseparable which also includes bath time.

I have never had a problem with them bathing together as that’s what they choose to do, but some of my friends who have children of a similar age have started making comments that it isn’t appropriate.

They have expressed concern for my eldest son and say that at “his age” (puberty implications I imagine) he shouldn’t have to share a bath.

But I’m not making them share….they want to share. I give them to option to bathe alone if that’s what they’d prefer, but they don’t want to.

When I explain this to my friends I just get eye rolls in my direction.

What do other parents do in this situation?

Should I be enforcing separate baths?

'Repeatedly wanted to be alone and naked with a younger sibling...'

They are having a bath each day. Just like they've been doing for years.

Can you show me the evidence that sibling incest rates for children are high? I just checked out my local police force and there have been no incest charges in my county for the last six years. As I understand it, most incest is between a parent (almost always male) and a child.

It seems a huge overreach, and actually quite sick, to interpret a couple of boys who happen to get on really well together and continue to enjoy a bath together as being predator and victim. I'd hate to live in your head.

OP, the world needs more happy, affectionate, unselfconscious young men. I hope you can find ways of encouraging your boys to stay in touch with their playful, affectionate sides.

This.

No. Why would you ask that? What a bizarre experience it must be, living in your head.

Why though?

We walk to school together, we get to the school gates where they both give me a hug and a kiss, and then they give each other a hug and kiss, and then they go to their classrooms.

I genuinely don’t see what is so weird about that?

Because walking around naked and bathing together behind a closed door are not the same thing. Im also sure as an adult you wouldn't be curious about touching her private parts

I think you are blessed OP. Siblings stop showering together when they want,, for me it was when they were 7 and 6, DDs. Your children are still so young, yes even at 11. Let them be and enjoy.

Because its school most 11 year olds just want to get in be with their mates and get on with their day not hanging around an 8 year old kissing and cuddling him in front of everyone. In all the years of school runs I have never seen this

So you think that my sons are curious about “private parts” (the words penis and testicles are allowed), and that they’d rather touch each others then touch their own?!

I have honestly lost track of what your actual concern is?

I imagine they're not snogging! It's not weird for siblings to hug, or give each other a peck on the cheek. My brother and I used to walk arm in arm, hug, give each other shoulder rubs, hand massages etc, well into our teens and twenties! There was no abuse going on, or any weird incestuous attraction, or any other bizarre interpretation that a twisted person might project onto it - we just loved each other. Love, and affection, and hugs, and kisses aren't always sexual you know. There are entire cultures where it's normal to greet people with a kiss.

Surely the 11.5 year old will be having erections. If he isn't he will be very soon. It isn't appropriate to be bathing together anymore.

I was going to say, if it’s with shorts it’s ok and if it isn’t absolutely not!!! Why is it normal for brothers to see each others private parts! I find that absurd to be honest, especially at that age!!

It takes my son less than five seconds to give his little brother a hug and a kiss at the school gate.

How you manage to interpret that as him “hanging around kissing and cuddling in front of everyone” is beyond me.

Your posts and your reactions to perfectly normal behaviour are very, very strange.

Yeah sure im the strange one 🙄

There are ample opportunities for them to play together, why does it have to be in a bath tub and both naked?

I have one brother 3 years older, and one 3 years younger, I'm also male. As kids (1960s and 70s) we bathed together (once a week, Saturdays)... Elder brother went 'solo' aged 11, and I did too. The only sibling who got the luxury of a solo bath from about age 5 was our sister 😀 We're all still wholesome chappies 😀

They aren’t “showing” each other anything.

They are just naked and like every other single male on the planet, they happen to have a penis attached to their body.

They pay absolutely no attention to each other’s genitals as they are just another part of the human body, no more interesting to them than each other’s arm, leg or foot.

I already gave the statistics in a study it was 15% in girls and 10% in boys but obviously the number will be significantly higher. Of course their isnt charges that would mean the child actually telling someone their parent willing to take their child to police to grass up their other child and for their to be evidence these things happen behind closed doors

I think you sound a bit unimaginative. Can you not conceive of a sibling relationship that's really close, without assuming something 'dirty' or 'off' is going on? That's really bloody sad.

Their body. Their boundries.

And I find it doubly absurd that anyone in their right mind would suggest that two children who've grown up together sharing a bath should wear swimming shorts. They're children. I had no idea there were so many 19-th-century, body shaming prudes who see nakedness as disgusting or embarrassing on MN.

Don’t be so ridiculous.
They are brothers of a similar ish age and of the same gender, bathing together. It will probably stop all on its own when the older brother perhaps feels that he needs more privacy. There is clearly appropriate and inappropriate behavior, but the OP doesn’t suggest that this is anything more than brothers having fun, bathing together.
in some countries, some sports etc, same gender bathing together is normal and usual. The UK is particularly conservative about being naked and the human body but this is very different in other countries. My sibling and I used to bath together; it was simply fun playing perfectly innocently together and it stopped naturally as we got older.
Yes abuse happens, but how sad and sick to see it potentially everywhere like this.

and so fecking what if an 11 year old's knee DID touch the groin of his 8 year old brother, glancingly and by accident? Will the sky fall in? Will they both need counselling?

Honestly though - what on earth do YOU think would happen, why do YOU think this would be such a dreadful scenario? Your mind sounds like a really suspicious, squalid place to be.

I agree with this. I think it's reasonable to do it very gently and it could be done with the 11yo around puberty and associated privacy.. plus there will be natural changes they will experience that your 8yo may not be ready for depending on maturity etc.

I don't think it's sinister or necessarily weird especially if they've grown up doing that and it's unnecessary posters throwing these allegations out. (I work in safeguarding). It's a boundary that can be adjusted gently moving forwards but it is one I'd encourage you to set op. Mainly so you're having clear conversations about body privacy and autonomy and to avoid either boy naively mentioning something in school and other children not understanding.

OP to wrap this up, you are obviously not confident and feeling unsure about the whole thing which is why you have come on here for advice! It’s wrong, but you knew that anyway.

Absolute non issue as long as it stops when one or both of them no longer feel comfortable with it which I imagine will be soon with the older one.