To think of they want to bath together then it’s not a problem?

[LondonLady1980]

I have two boys; the eldest is 11.5 years old and the youngest has just turned 8.

They adore each other and are pretty much inseparable which also includes bath time.

I have never had a problem with them bathing together as that’s what they choose to do, but some of my friends who have children of a similar age have started making comments that it isn’t appropriate.

They have expressed concern for my eldest son and say that at “his age” (puberty implications I imagine) he shouldn’t have to share a bath.

But I’m not making them share….they want to share. I give them to option to bathe alone if that’s what they’d prefer, but they don’t want to.

When I explain this to my friends I just get eye rolls in my direction.

What do other parents do in this situation?

Should I be enforcing separate baths?

It’s fine. They’re happy and enjoying themselves, I don’t understand what the issue is. It’s lovely that they’re such good friends.

I find it odd. But maybe thats because my own DD who is 11.5 is quite grown up & would keel over if I suggested she share a bath with anyone. If your kids are happy then it's up to you what they do, but I personally, think they're getting a bit too old to be playing in the bath. I get it when they're smaller & need entertained but at this age they should be able to just get washed and back out.

Edited to add: sorry, I thought I'd clicked on the post about boys needing to wear swimming shorts in the bath but I must have got the wrong one.

This, absolutely. And as for the people suggesting wearing swimming shorts in the bath at home — I mean, how warped and overly sexualised must your be in your head to think that naked bodies need to be hidden?

my privacy was very important to me and it was the only time I could get any peace so this wouldn’t have happened in my house.

DD once got really upset when I went into bathroom by accident when she was showering

I'd find it odd too and I bet very few people replying can say that their sons do the same thing. It should perhaps have been discouraged when they were much smaller to give them both some privacy. I'd also be thinking about the ridicule that is going to happen when they discuss something they now think is normal with their peers and end up being torn to shreds and bullied over it. I suppose the pertinent question here is at what age do you think this is still not going to be a problem? 12? 13? 14? 15?

I actually have no opinion about the bathing together. Let them crack on, but they should also be aware that some people will start taking the mick out of them for it.

But can we PLEASE retire that tiresome phrase 'pearl clutchng'?There is nothing wrong with talking about boundaries- it does not make you a prude. And it's particularly distasteful when used against posters disclosing abuse. I used to work in child protection and sibling abuse is surprisingly common - even in 'normal looking families'.
I think that the OP pottering about is exercising due diligence here.
But just undercrackers in from of grandparents is just not appropriate

From a practical pov the 11.5 year old needs to get in the habit of a morning shower.

Never underestimate the strength of BO in a teenager!

A bath on a night isn't going to cut it! Due to sweat forming overnight.

My friend's son, now in mid twenties also had as little clothes on as possible from babyhood. He just preferred it that way and has no body shame I don't think.It is healthier to be comfy in your own skin. Also easier to see if there is anything physically wrong, like rashes etc.
11.5 is still a boy. Dunno why everyone on this thread is eager to age their kids up. Don't make your kids have body shame, people.

At uni me and a couple of friends would sit together in the bathroom and chat while one was having a bath
it started when one of us broke our ankle and they said we couldn’t lock the bathroom door unless someone else was with us
being an agricultural place there was a lot of injuries, it was a huge bathroom and I remember being in the bath with 3 friends in there!

My 12 and 10 year old girls still bathe together and quite often their 6 year old brother hops in…

Surely it’s a problem if one of them is being expected to do it when they no longer want to? It’ll likely just naturally happen.

i’ve just come to check on my two of the same age and they’re playing Lego naked (supposed to be getting changed but Lego more interesting).

My 11 yo is aware he’s quirky and moderates what he shares with kids at school - he still wants the freedom to be himself but he isn’t entirely stupid.

Well this has taken a bit of a sordid turn since I last posted ☹️

I can assure everyone that I do not think there is any kind of sexual abuse happening between my children and to the poster who said I was “encouraging” my older son to have erections in front of his younger brother, well I found that really upsetting.

I feel like this thread has gone from me having children who are close and enjoy playing silly water games in the bath together, to me now being accused of enabling sibling sexual abuse, allowing my oldest child opportunities to touch his brother and also purposefully making my children targets for being bullied because I want to be “hip”.

I have found some of the accusations quite hard to read to be honest, not just the accusations thrown at me but also the accusations/suggestions that my eldest son is behaving sexually inappropriate towards his brother, grooming him, and that my eldest son wants to bathe with his brother just so he can have the opportunity to look at (and touch) his brothers genital and also show off his own genitals.

To say things like that about two brothers who simply just enjoy being silly in the bath together is hurtful to me.

To all the other posters (on both sides of the argument) who have either been supportive or provided constructive opinions, thank you, they have all given me other points of view to consider.

No. It's a problem when their peers outside find out about it (and they will), and they end up being ridiculed because let's face it, it isn't a societal norm no matter what your kids like to do.

That can happen years before that. I remember myDS getting them before the age of 3

Please don’t worry, OP - you are not the strange one here.

I think its fine if they are both happy about it . Some strange comments here! I think the older one will probably tire of it soon though.

OP I assume your older son is about to start secondary school? Whatever you personally think of them bathing together, I would strongly advise your son to not tell anyone at school. It’s the kind of thing he’d be teased mercilessly for, and it would probably give rise to a nickname that would stick with him for years.

I remember DS telling me that in year 8 there was a lad who had a “girlfriend” who was in year 7. People called him Paedo, and the name stuck for the entirety of secondary school. Kids are mean!

Excellent, clear and compassionate post. Shame that thisistoofunny has decided she won't even read it.

This thread is bonkers.

Exactly this we is what you would call a "normal" family 2 parents still together dad who went to work stay at home mum. We where close as siblings got on played together all the time. People dont see it because they don't want to see it because they cant imagine their own child could do anything like that

not appropriate no, how about some boundaries?

And - traditionally at least - Japanese families bathe together in large household baths/tubs. Children with parents. It is viewed as absolutely normal. Naked bodies do not = sex or sexual contact. It's that simple.

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Wow, I just hope none of the naysayers on this thread ever have to find themselves in a position where - willy-nilly - they have to provide emergency personal care to a parent. I can tell you that's a sobering situation. It happened to me earlier this year when I had to fly out as an emergency to pick my dad up from the A&E where he'd been for 2 days and nights after a fall where he'd been lying in his own excrement. While he received good care at this A&E (in a European capital city) they hadn't washed him very well, just wiped and put him in an adult nappy, and he was really sweaty too. He absolutely stunk. The first thing we did when I got him back was get him in the bath for a soak in some Dettoll water and I had to support him in the bath so he didn't fall over and help him wash.

Now, I suspect many MNers who lack imagination, compassion or see sexual inappropriateness under every bush would be screaming about how inappropriate this was. It wasn't. Believe me, I didn't want to do that, but there was no other option and it was just his naked body, which I could care for.

That sort of situation potentially lurks in the future for all of us with elderly and ailing parents, and I do wonder how some of the pearl-clutchers on this thread would cope with it.

but WHY will their peers find out? Who on earth talks to their schoolfriends about bath time, for heavens sake?

As so many sensible posters have pointed out, this shared time will soon naturally come to an end because the older boy is moving towards a point where he will develop a natural shyness about being naked in front of others (probably). I was actually talking to my son (17) just now about this perplexing thread. He agreed it was 'relatively unusual but sweet' that these siblings are so close and demonstrative but that the 11 yo was fast moving towards a point where he would probably put a stop to it himself.

I then reminded DS that his own 'natural shyness' kicked in relatively late and I did occasionally walk in on him at 11 and he was utterly unconcerned and that it kicked in a year or two later.

I think he would have enjoyed fun silly bath times with his own younger brother for longer than they went on, were things different, but by the time his younger brother was 3 or 4, his autism and LDs were really making themselves apparent and shared baths were a bit of a trial for my older son, so we instituted separate baths to give him some peace and privacy.

As someone who remembers the 50s it doesn't sound like the 50s to me. Sharing a bath back then would have been about saving money as heating water was expensive. Sharing beds or bedrooms was also common.

FGS this thread! 🙄

FGS this thread! 🙄