Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

I have a memory from when I was about 8. I was visiting a friend and went to holiday club with her. I didn't like it at all and felt sorry for her that she couldn't be at home during the holidays. It just felt very artificial and boring.

I agree. No way would I ever have put my kids in 5 after school activities. They did 3 max. DD was usually swimming and gymnastics or football, DS was swimming and football. From year 4 they also had one tutor session a week. More than enough to keep them busy. They did a couple of after school clubs too if they wanted to but I didn’t want to be dragging them out each night, they needed to chill

Maybe they have great entertainment like crafts and play equipment set up at home

I think all families are different. We are also a 5-days-a-week-in-clubs house, with some days multiple clubs and we normally have other sports during the weekend, plus the usual social events (children birthday parties, seeing friends/family, running errands, travelling etc). This might seems like a nightmare to some, but it's our normality as a family. We are also very busy working parents and have something going on most nights individually or together (gym, hobbies, night outs, work things, school events, you name it).
We thrive in being busy and experience things and so is our child. I would never impose anything he doesn't want to do or that would make him too tired.

But people need to understand everyone is different, has different energy levels, interests, means and life style, and that's ok!

It’s really good idea I think. Especially for teens who go out with their mates - as well as a parent trying to find ways to entertain the kids. They could just ride about all day for free (well I suppose the parents need a ticket). But it does make free activities actually free (unless you cave in and get treats in).

I’d say I’m the complete opposite and wonder why people cart their children around to so many places? When do children have time to play or read books or make things if they are constantly dragged out to another activity. The best bit of the summer holidays is the seemingly endless days to do as you please.

Absolutely this - just reading this triggered a lovely memory of summers recreating the Horse of the Year Show with two, only partially co-operative, dogs. Eldest, now late teens, fondest memories are really simple things - day outs enjoyed (and there were few enough to be memorable) but don't really feature in their childhood nostalgia.

I have a friend like this, just because I’ve seen a lot of stereotypes here... They are better off financially than I am, she doesn’t work but partner does. Because we do have a very uncouth friendship, I do know their ‘take home’ is just over 4k a month.

No holidays as they can’t afford it, though with her income we’d be on a foreign holiday each year, I believe she just finds them too hard work. This is just as she has more than we bring in and same number of kids. They spend most of their time on screens, which she’ll always say is what they want to do anyway. So she thinks summer holidays is for more of that, and treats like takeaway.

Sometimes people just have different views on what’s best for their children, some feel lots of unstructured time is way to go. Even if it’s screen time. She thinks it’s better for their mental health, makes them happier etc. Her kids go to shops with her once a week, and they go to her mum every fortnight for a sleepover. That’s it.

Is that what I do? No. Do I secretly judge her? Honestly, yes. Do I think she judges me for my kids ‘lack’ of down time? Yes.
(I don’t feel my kids lack it - but this isn’t what this thread is about!)

I feel someone is going to say screens are bad for mental health, addictive etc and personally I agree. Mine have little screen time, no games consoles. But not what thread is about, it’s about the reasoning of why people make different choices. They genuinely believe it’s best for their kids.

Because they are lazy chavs who CBA

I think the summer holidays should be a break from getting up early and being on your feet and occupied all day. There seems to be this idea that children (and adults) should always be busy for some reason

We go out 6 times a week during the school holidays. I have a budget of £10 a week for this so definitely not megabucks. I like to give my children lots of adventures.

The meaning of “sitting around all day”, is open to interpretation. My response is largely dependent on the context. Childhood only occurs once. I believe children should have ample to play and explore the world. This can include activities such as playing in the garden, engaging in games, writing stories, or spending quality time with family. I have many fond memories of playing in the garden with siblings.I loved playing with my dolls when I was very young and enjoyed writing stories. My parenting style reflects these values.

I think it is a cause for concern and could even border on neglect if a child is simply remaining inactive, vegetating at home with little stimulation, Furthermore, if a child’s under-stimulation is due to a parent’s anxiety or depression, this presents a significant issue. Parents who never take their children outside even for simple activities such as walks, visits to the shops, or trips to the park, may be acting in a manner detrimental to the child’s development. Such outings are essential for fostering social skills, cognitive growth, and physical health.

From a health perspective, prolonged inactivity is harmful. While I acknowledge that financial constraints may pose challenges, it is generally feasible to engage in outings on a limited budget especially in a city in like London. Public transportation is often free for children, and many public amenities, such as parks, libraries, and museums, do not require an entrance fee. Preparing packed lunches can further minimise expenses. Although I can afford to eat out, I often opt not to do so. I recall as a child we would have picnics in central London parks and then visit museums after 4 pm, when admission was free. Additionally, establishments like Pizza Hut used to offer, eat as much as you want deals, making outings affordable and enjoyable.

This is lovely. But I wouldn’t be able to do anything with mine for £10 a week except walk round the village. £10 would do one trip out and back in the car, to maybe walk round a different village 😂

Would you mind sharing the kinds of places you go on that budget?

Just because our budget is particularly tight this summer and I find even places like the beach have hidden costs once I factor in fuel and parking, which seems to be astronomical in my county (Kent). We do a lot of parks and woods. I try to be imaginative with things like scavenger hunts, bug hunts, taking kites/balls etc but if you have other low cost ideas I’d love to hear them 🙂

I suspect parents' of today will have to make more an effort than my generation or previous generations. We were allowed to play outside whereas there are less opportunities for children of today to do this. I have also noticed there are lot more adult in parks compared to when I was young - I have would felt too intimidated to play in park with large groups of adults. In some respects, I think some places are less accessible to children than previous generations.

My DC used to enjoy helping with shopping, it meant they had some input into what they ate, they had the odd treat, and it was something they didn't do when they were at school.
As regards bikes, toddlers and small children are fine in parks or round estates, but there are few places for older children to ride safely. And playgrounds are really for quite young children, it's those approaching the teens or teenagers who are hardest to entertain during the holidays.
I don't know how people with no outside space of their own manage in the summer. Both DD and I live in flats but we have storage space and decent sized balconies. Children can't play ball games or (older children) ride bikes on our estate, but at least there are plenty of playgrounds in this area. Imaginative children are happy to play at home, but not all children are like that, particularly if they are used to being very active at school.
Summer clubs round here are either short days (in local primary schools) or longer more expensive days run privately. Not many parents can afford the latter for the whole holiday, and the former are not much use for parents who work outside the home or full days WFH. I'm a GM who helps out in the summer with taking GC to summer camps whilst my daughter works
I find it hard to comprehend the many posters on here who say that children should be taken out during the week - aren't the DP both working in most cases?

Do you have any rock hunting fb groups near you? Three activities in one go at no/minimal costs. You can go and look for the painted rocks, maybe keep a couple and collect new rocks to paint at home. If you don’t have paints , felt tips or nail polish works as well. Then off you go again to look for more AND hide yours.

What does she get up to when DH is at work & kids are in school? It all sounds fairly mundane tbh.

The meaning of “sitting around all day”, is open to interpretation. My response is largely dependent on the context. Childhood only occurs once. I believe children should have ample to play and explore the world. This can include activities such as playing in the garden, engaging in games, writing stories, or spending quality time with family. I have many fond memories of playing in the garden with siblings.I loved playing with my dolls when I was very young and enjoyed writing stories.

That's lovely, but very hard to achieve for working parents, particularly of only children.

What I find frustrating about the "children need to be bored" argument is that it presupposes that there's a) a stay at home parent there to facilitate all this "creative play" b) a house with a garden, c) a sibling to play a part in the entertainment and d) sufficient money to pay for stuff that needs to be bought.

The reality of a long summer holiday for a working parent is usually you have a choice between

a) taking more leave than you can afford (and pissing off your employer)
b) using holiday clubs/childcare
c) mixing it up a bit and doing some clubs and winging it for the rest

Playing in the garden is a lovely aspiration but most older primary school children will get quite bored of this quite quickly. By definition, if there's any significant downtime, you end up having to work quite hard to keep your kids from going onto devices as a default. It can be done, but it involves a lot of juggling and constantly having to step away from work to make sure its being adhered to.

Given a situation where you have little to no annual leave, it's surely better for the child to be in a club which is designed to enable the kind of creative play you crave than for a child to be at home, being nagged and chivvied by their parent to stay off devices and do something "creative" while the parent is trying to work?

I do take my kids out to things but have the issue that the eldest often doesn’t want to go but is too young to be left home alone on their own. Juggling different age kids and an autistic child who likes to run off isn’t easy. If you’ve never had the panic of a child deliberately disappearing and not being able to find them you wouldn’t understand!

I’ve asked them if they would like to do after school clubs and the answer has been ‘no’. We go out in the holidays when I have time off but not everyday, most trips are to the park or swimming

Honestly I think it’s worse to trail children around shopping centres like the Trafford centre for hours. At least at home they can relax or play.

It's also a privilege to be off all summer with the children. I'm surprised at how many people seem to not work in the summer holidays based on these replies.

Which is great if you live somewhere near London. But if you don’t, the train there will be out of some people’s reach financially.

I’m from Yorkshire and it was £300 return give or take the last time we were there. My son only went for the first time a few years ago because it is so expensive to travel there.

I did my town. Tells me the park, the meadows and the woodlands. Hmm

Yes whenever ive looked at train prices they are always ridiculously expensive. even to just travel over 1 hour away. works out almost an extra £150 on top of what you'd spend on a day out.
A woman i know found it cheaper to actually get an uber for a 50 mile day out trip than to buy train tickets for the family. Uber was £60 train was £90!