Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

No bikes if you live in a flat/small terrace.

Also in these areas you are often trapped in a small wedge of territory trapped between dual carriageways and main roads into the city/town centre. It is pot luck whether your wedge has got a park. Some cities are better than others.(Eg Nottingham Meadows has a good park and easily accessible space) (I've lived in several towns and cities in the Midlands) if you have to walk by busy polluted roads to go anywhere it's probably not as beneficial as you might think. The only accessible park in Derby was in the red light district and was actively warned not to go there. It was tiny and no play area. There was not a lot to do in the city centre.

It all depends on where you live. If you don't live in the area your families live in you don't know the difficulties. You might see a nice looking park but you don't know the practicalities of getting there.

My mum was utterly boring. School holidays would consist of staying in. She would tell us to do housework and watch TV. Irritatingly she now says that its good to take kids out. I take the kids out probably every other day in the school hols

Some areas can't access the city centre without going under the underpass which is scary with all its turn offs and hidden corners.

Just googled free things to do in my city. There's not a lot.

I’m sorry but this is full of excuses. I lived in a flat for 8 years and my kids still had bikes. Stop making excuses for lazy.

A lot of it is attitude. I would think nearly everyone lives within walking distance of a park/green space/playground and it really isn’t about money. It is an inertia and probably made worse since Covid when we were encouraged not to go anywhere. I’m not talking about extreme cases of depression etc

Did she though? Because my ten year old is always moaning about the fact that “all you ever want to do is housework” and “you’re always moaning at us to tidy up that’s all we EVERRRRR do”. And it’s complete nonsense. Occasionally I ask her to clean up her shit/bedroom, yes. Take her plate to the kitchen. And the attitude I get from her for asking this is eye rolling and moaning. “It’s the holidays, stop moaning about housework”.

We’re out and about all the time. Swimming. Library. Parks. Town. Beach. She’s been out with her pals loads. She’s had movie nights with her pals, we’ve been on holiday.

Yet, when my sister asked her at the weekend if she’d had a good holiday, “all she wants us to do is tidy” is what she said 🙃

I think you are judging people without full information. You can't rely on what kids tell you!

If you asked my DC what they had done these holidays, they might say "played fortnite" if that is what they had done that morning. Never mind the holiday abroad, weekends camping, trip to the zoo, cycling trips, go ape, art exhibition, play dates, nature camp, etc. As well as those activities, they have had to amuse themselves and be a bit bored while I work, and that might be what they mention if you ask them at the wrong moment.

And if I filled our time with walks to the park and beach, then they would definitely say "nothing", as these are normal things we do year round, so they wouldn't register as a "holiday activity".

Finally, if an adult they are a bit shy to talk to asks them a question, "nothing" is a quick answer.

The difference is there was no all-day TV, no videos, mobiles, internet, video games, computers. Kids played out, went to each other’s houses, read books, did crafts and generally had to be more creative to find something to do.

Not everyone appreciates the concept of culture capital, and for some people, that’s how they understand living.

It’s not for me, personally, but, we are all different.

Well, it doesn't necessarily have to cost money. Even if you live in an apartment, most people have a park closeby.

Or just include them in your daily life, like going shopping. My 5 and 3 year old love going to Lidl with me, scanning things and paying at the checkout.

Because you don't need to be doing something all the time!!

Children need to learn to be bored and comfortable with not always doing something. With they way society is and the pressures people are under to constantly keep going and going is very unhealthy!! Children can go out in their garden, children can do things inside the house. Children need to learn to improvise without being dragged along to do stuff on parents terms.

Initiative is an important skill to develop! Something I feel young people are seriously lacking nowadays!

All the kids are in childcare "camps" because their parents are at work.

Did you live in a tower block where the lifts were always breaking down, where there was no outdoor storage to keep them, and anything left outside would either get nicked or removed by the council/landlord? I'm assuming the answer to that is no. Step outside of your ivory tower for one second.

I doubt OP and posters like her consider going to do the weekly shop a worthy pursuit.

Exactly. How many times have we asked our school aged children what they did at school that day, and got the answer "nothing" or "I don't know"? Children do this, it doesn't mean they literally did nothing!

Because some people don’t give a shit and have no interests other than sitting at home, going to the pub, taking drugs and drinking.

People like that have plenty of kids. They are shit parents.

Also there are parents who are good parents, provide for their kids and love their kids dearly but are not into walking or national trust properties or other such enriching activities. They like visiting their families. They watch a lot of telly and are on their phones. Kids are the same. Kids may play out a lot.

You are equating middle class activities with being a good parent which is not always the case.

Yes actually. Ivory tower you have absolutely no idea. Sorry you don’t like being called out for being a lazy parent

Cottages are really expensive in school holidays. The cheap ones are miles from a beach.
Camping needs equipment and ability to get there. Cars are expensive to run. Trains and coaches cost money.

You can't take your kids out for a cheap holiday in term time any longer.

Holidays are out of reach of the bottom decile of income.

You can't go on holiday for £120 that a previous poster managed to save up.

Sorry you don't line being called out for telling porky pies

Oh I know. Funny how despite all this intelligence and cultural capital and experience some posters really, really can’t imagine why something might not be possible. Yes, even a holiday in the UK.

Agree. Adding:
Luck you were born into a family that could afford to raise you
Luck you had engaged supportive parents or at least one adult that was a protective factor for you.
Luck you don't have a disability or health condition that although you can drive makes achieving it difficult/impossible/too expensive
Luck that you were sufficiently educated
Luck you have intelligence enough to get to earn enough to run a car.
Luck you can live in a decent area.

Yes some things take hard work but being able to work hard is luck too . (Mental/physical health, resilience born from a good upbringing)

There's a big difference between just leaving your kid in their bedroom staring at their phone for six weeks, and being mostly at home but doing fun stuff.

We weren't very well off when I was a kid - we weren't poor but we didn't have access to a car in the holidays (we had one but my dad needed it to get to work). We lived in a small town that was actually very near London, but going into London wasn't really affordable on any regular basis and there certainly wasn't much opportunity for 'new experiences' in/near our home town. Once we'd been for a walk, gone to the library and been to the park (which was only really suitable for very young kids) that was it really. So we were mostly at home.

However, I have so many happy memories of doing really fun things at home. Loads of really creative art and craft things involving glue, scissors and random crap from the house. Playing in the garden and making tents with old sheets. Cooking/baking. Helping my mum with the gardening. Setting up massively elaborate games with Sindy and Action Man, which entailed me and my brother rigging up a zip wire for them in the garden with a bit of string tied to the branch of a tree. Playing board games. Teaching the dog to do tricks for bits of cheese. Making a book all about monsters I'd invented. Devising an entire football tournament structure with named players for every team and playing the whole thing out with Subbuteo. Playing with the garden hose. And yes, I'm sure we did plenty of lying around watching weird summer holiday telly as well. But we weren't bored and we certainly weren't lacking in stimulation or experiences.

Oh yes Ms Foul-Mouthed Psychic, I'm sure you know all the ins and outs of my life don't you? I bet you win the lottery every week with your great insight and inside knowledge, Ms All Knowing 😆

I was thinking the same ….

but gives people a good excuse to gloat on their better parenting skills