Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

You sound like you’ve never been outside the castle walls or something 😂

I agree OP, we are on a low income, have autistic 3 year old who gets frustrated. I get out 98% of time with him. The 12 year old stays in or he goes out with friends 80% of the time..
Here's a list of free/easy things to do with children

Read
Library visit, borrow books, free groups ours does Lego club/baby groups
Children's centre's
Church groups
Baking/cooling, DS loves paw patrol cup cake kits are under £2.50
Messy play
Play parks
Walk to beach, nature reserves
Days out museum, Canals
Bike ride
Foot ball
Frisbee
Kite flying
Salt dough
Colouring, arts and crafts painting
Gardening
Playing in the garden
Watch a film
Make our own film
Lego
Puzzles
Musical instruments
Cleaning/chores make it fun
Bus/train
Xbox gaming
Origami
Writing stories
Dog walking
Computing
Homework/studying
Bird watching
Nature walks
Charity shops

Where on earth did you keep them?

Take them up stairs. No kid shouldn’t not have a bike!

My child doesn't have a bike.
Where we live is far to hilly to bike around or far too much traffic.
She could cycle around in circles in our carpark I suppose.
To get anywhere to cycle safely we would have to travel.
We don't have a car.
My child seems to have survived not having a bike. I don't think it even occurs to her to want a bike.

They’re missing out, very odd no car or bike.

My son doesn't have a bike either.

It would need to be an adapted one because he's disabled and they are way out of our price range.

It isn't that odd. My son didn't have one until his 11th birthday. I bought it just so he would have got through childhood knowing how to ride a bike, we lived in flats with no space in a busy part of the city.

Loads of people don't have cars in London (where I live).
Also they're really expensive.
I'd love one but I can't afford one nor afford driving lessons.
Oh well.
She's perfectly happy in her bike-less and car-less world that's full of Pokémon, books, DVDs and jewellery making.

Most of that stuff is thing you do at home?

That is the problem with modern day and age, some people can afford to be home staying parents ( ok, nice privilege and luck in life ) and the father subsidises nice lifestyle for the mum who has all that free time to go out and take the kids to paid events or clubs - these women assume this is now everyone's reality, in each and every part of the UK and all over Europe perhaps. Yes but this is not each and every woman's reality.

I did not have a stay-at-home parent, nor will I be one myself. My grandparents were also working during that time, but they made an effort to take time off when needed. My parents also prioritised spending time with us, and I intend to do the same. My grandparents always took us to the parks, galleries and museum, which was easier since they lived near central London.

I understand that having a garden is a privilege, and I am grateful to have grown up with one, as well as to currently live in a garden. I don't believe it's necessary to be a stay-at-home parent for a child to be creative. In fact, I think it helps if children are allowed to play independently; they often find their own entertainment. My siblings were both very artistic—one loved to draw, while another was passionate about music and dance and would write songs. I enjoyed reading and writing stories. This creativity blossomed organically.

I'm not entirely in agreement with your comment about only children. I spent a lot of time with my siblings, but I also spent a lot of time in solitude. I believe it’s an important life skill to know how to interact with others while also being self-sufficient and capable of entertaining oneself. I once had a partner who had many siblings and found it challenging to be alone, which I found to be quite exhausting.

I used London as an example because I live there. I am not suggesting that one needs to move to London. I have lived in different cities - every place had their own special magic.

Not everyone lives in a city though and if you don't, it's going to cost money to get there either in petrol or public transport so not actually free at all even if the activity is free.

You understand not overscheduling? Yet Your daughter’s doing 5 or 6 things a week - to me , and my DCs, that’s far too much.

My autistic child’s favourite ‘trip’ as a child was to visit the local
pet shop!

I’m not sure why some people think everyone else wants a heavily scheduled life either. My dc go to 2 extra curriculars per week each and that includes swimming lessons. They don’t want to do any more, that’s more than enough for them as it is! They enjoy just being at home after school, going to the park, playing with Lego and yes a bit of tv time. Maybe having a play date with a friend. And, particularly for my eldest, we need to make time for homework to be done too.

A lot of stay at home mums are going through a different kind of difficulty. Not saying this is always the case, but a lot of the time the husband in that situation has complete control of the money and refuses to allow his wife enough money to even take the children out and do things with them. So they have to improvise and find things to do with their children in the home. Sometimes husbands who are on decent enough salaries are the most financially abusive, and so incompetent with looking after the kids that the wife cant get a job of her own because she knows he cant be trusted to look after them. No matter how things look on the surface, things aren't always as rosy as they seem.

Hopefully you don’t have young children then?

Whereas my possibly autistic three year old would spend all day pouring water into cups and making the house wet. Kind of envious yours plays with a variety of things.

I think you make do with the environment - my family originate from the countryside. The children have lots to keep them occupied.

I have a SIL like this, has money but it won’t be spend on the kids, it gets spent on material things, house renovations, the kids have a tv in their rooms at age 3 and 6, there’s also two tvs in one room(very large open plan kitchen/ living room) they have an iPad each as well as game consoles. She won’t take them on holiday as it’s too much hassle and when they do occasionally leave the house to meet us they are told to sit quietly and play on their iPads. One time, they came to out with us (a rarity) and the kids forgot their iPads so they were told to take turns playing on her phone even though they both said they didn’t want to, they were forced to. I can only assume because she CBA engaging with them for even a minute. She also doesn’t book holiday clubs for them and they are left to watch tv all summer while she WFH. Some people have kids because they think that’s what they should do, not because it’s what they want to do.

Yes, my DD is a single parent of adopted children and, though she earns a decent salary, can't really afford summer clubs all the time - especially the longer-day private ones. So many women on this thread think that everyone has all day every day to entertain their children, and money to take them out. Or maybe they are actually WFH? My apologies to those working in education who do have holidays free, you are obviously in a different position.

I don’t have a car, am 37 and am out every day on trains/ busses with my 7 month old, I live in suburbs so have to take a lot of public transport to get anywhere. There’s no excuse.

Except not everyone has the money for trains and busses every day. So there is often a reason, not an excuse.