To think MIL should replace DD's hair products?

[comeandhaveteawithme]

MIL recently took DD away on Holiday, for which I am of course very grateful.

I packed her a hand luggage backpack and a small suitcase. I obviously put any liquids over 150ml in her suitcase, which I was told would be checked into the hold.

Once at the airport, they decided DD's suitcase was small enough to go on as hand luggage so they didn't bother checking it in.

Subsequently, all of DD's hair products were confiscated and thrown away. She has long, thick hair that can be difficult to manage so I buy her certain products that we've tried and tested that work on her hair, the products total about £20. Also confiscated was a bottle of sun cream that costs £7.

We don't have a lot of spare money, and still have four weeks of the Summer Holidays left to go and need any spare cash we have. I can't really spend an extra £27 replacing these products that were almost full when I packed them and have now just been chucked in the bin. My Summer Holiday plans and budget are very carefully calculated. £27 is lunches for the week.

It is reasonable to think MIL should have bought her new stuff? I'm not going to ask her, but should she have replaced them? or AIBU and should just suck it up because she took her away and treated her?
DH just thinks it's all my fault and seems to think it somewhat amusing that I "still don't know liquid rules at airports" 🙄

It sounds like one of those things that doesn’t go to plan and then roll your eyes at yourself for not anticipating everything.

MIL is probably simply not aware of the cost of the products, and has plenty else on her mind with logistics, doing the post-holiday washing etc to think about shampoo abandoned on the way to the holiday. I doubt she is bring deliberately tight . And it was an accident that they changed the luggage arrangement without thinking.

A quarter would presumably have been used, and I wouldn’t expect sun cream back. If they were in the sun a bottle doesn’t last long if used in the correct quantities.

I never take full / whole bottles wherever it is packed. I always decant the amount I will need. Unnecessarily bulky / heavy otherwise .

Put it down to experience.

Wtf? The suitcase should have been checked in. It wasn't OP who made the decision to take it on as hand luggage. If a case was brought with the intent to check it in, obviously there would be liquids in there.

I would definitely have replaced the products like for like without prompting if I was MIL but I know people view these things differently. I am 99% sure my MIL wouldn't have (moot point as she wouldn't have taken her away in the first place).

Presumably MIL paid for the holiday including all the food and activities for your DD which would've saved you money that week. I would try and focus on that because having a MIL who will treat your DD like this (the holiday not the thoughtlessness over the products) and want to spend extended amounts of time with her is golden, and honestly something that money cannot buy. I agree with poster above who said to take this as a learning thing for you too about taking full size products and not decanting. I would do all you can now to mentally shift away from judging MIL for her two less than ideal decisions - for your sake.

A MILLION % this.

Of course it is.

If she's managed healthy, nutritious and tasty lunches for her family on a low budget then she's perfectly fine to spend it elsewhere where her daughter needs it, there's nothing irresponsible about this whatsoever.

Do you expect her to spend less on hair products and more on lunches when the lunches she has are fine? Just because it's somehow morally justified?

She's balanced her books in a way that works for her family. The only issue is that someone wasted her money.

And however unintentional that is, someone has done that to her, by not doing what they said they were going to do.

She doesn't need budgeting advice, or to decant things into travel bottles (which presumably she would have done, had she been informed differently) she needs people to stick to plans.

Oh dear lord give me a break. Mils are full well known for being thoughtless to their dils in omparison to your own girl mum. Not every single mum or mil in the whole bloody world but alot. Im generalising and it is a common thought hence why the original post mentioned it.

Does the op say how old her daughter is? She mentions packing her case and a backpack so I assume a much younger child. Surely a teenager would be doing her own packing.
Irrespective of that I think it’s silly to pay that much money on hair products if money is so tight.

Treat it as a lesson learned, next time make it absolutely clear to MIL what is in the case and that case MUST go in the hold. If it happens again after that I would probably let her know I am not happy and tell her what it has cost you. This time probably let it go, I do see your point though, I would be annoyed.

I don’t understand the question.
It’s like asking what are brown, blue or green eyes when they are at home?

So many people on this thread not understanding how budgeting works.

Say you have £100.

Your rent is £20, your food is £20, travel is £10, days out is £3, £5 for emergencies (ignore the amounts, it's an example)
You then have £42 left after everything else you need to pay for is paid. If you choose to spend this on hair products, there's nothing irresponsible or "silly" about that, because you have covered everything, it's all accounted for.
The problem comes when someone then wastes that money so that you have to go over your budget.
The fault does lie with MIL here. It's got nothing whatsoever to do with the OP spending what other people have decided is too much on hair products.

If money is so tight, you shouldn’t be spending it on children’s toiletries like that. It’s a luxury.

No it’s not! I have no idea what ‘type’ my hair is, but I know it’s fine, wavy and grey. Is that a, b, c or what?

If your child is old enough to use expensive hair products then they are old enough to say their bag needs to go in the hold.

This may help:

https://www.curlcentric.com/hair-typing-system/

Its particularly of relevance to very curly types, especially black/mixed hair but can also be used for curly hair from other races.

The type will influence how you look after curly hair.

I don't think you are being unreasonable and sympathise because when you are financially stretched sometimes you can't afford to be gracious.

If MIL is in a better financial position than yourselves, just ask her to help out.

Well seeing as the OP hasn’t come back to tell us who decided to not put the bag in the hold, or whether the MIL actually knew the bag contained ridiculously expensive shampoo, or even how old the DD is, we can only hazard a guess who’s at fault. Maybe the MIL hasn’t got any spare money as she used several hundred £s of her own money to take the OPs DD on holiday!!!

Can young children not have long, thick and difficult to manage hair then?

It’s fuck all if it’s
shampoo
condition
curl cream
gel

for example - average £5 each product. She says total amount not per product. Even if it was only 3 products it’s not extortionate

I don't think you can ask MIL. She would probably have assumed that you would only pack enough products for a week rather than nearly new bottles (odd thing to do when you know weight counts when flying) and presumably provided alternatives during the time they were away. And the bottle of suncream would all have gone anyway.

I think it’s an ‘if you know, you know’ thing. I had to Google it and I understand it to be a measure of curl

Wiki Link

It is reasonable to think MIL should have bought her new stuff? I'm not going to ask her, but should she have replaced them? or AIBU and should just suck it up because she took her away and treated her?

OP HAS NO INTENTIONS OF ASKING MIL TO REPLACE THESE ITEMS.

Yes she should have. I don't think it's relevant that she took her on holiday. At the point of opening the case and removing the products a normal person would say 'I'll replace these at the other end'. Or, I would have just checked the case in. I wouldn't remove full products and just say fuck ye.

I was using relatively expensive stuff from 4 when my mum was slathering frizz ease on my hair
not all hair types are easy to deal with
mine is fine, wavy, easily tangled and hates moisture

Thank you - nice to get an actual informative answer.

And when children are that young if you have a relative not used to that hair type you run through the hair product system before sending them on holiday. Well that is what I did as did everyone else I knew. I also used cheaper products at that age - they do exist even for very curly hair.

Since the OP has declined to mention the age of the child or most of the relevant details and hasn’t returned I’ll draw my own conclusions.