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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think MIL should replace DD's hair products?

379 replies

comeandhaveteawithme · 09/08/2025 12:40

MIL recently took DD away on Holiday, for which I am of course very grateful.

I packed her a hand luggage backpack and a small suitcase. I obviously put any liquids over 150ml in her suitcase, which I was told would be checked into the hold.

Once at the airport, they decided DD's suitcase was small enough to go on as hand luggage so they didn't bother checking it in.

Subsequently, all of DD's hair products were confiscated and thrown away. She has long, thick hair that can be difficult to manage so I buy her certain products that we've tried and tested that work on her hair, the products total about £20. Also confiscated was a bottle of sun cream that costs £7.

We don't have a lot of spare money, and still have four weeks of the Summer Holidays left to go and need any spare cash we have. I can't really spend an extra £27 replacing these products that were almost full when I packed them and have now just been chucked in the bin. My Summer Holiday plans and budget are very carefully calculated. £27 is lunches for the week.

It is reasonable to think MIL should have bought her new stuff? I'm not going to ask her, but should she have replaced them? or AIBU and should just suck it up because she took her away and treated her?
DH just thinks it's all my fault and seems to think it somewhat amusing that I "still don't know liquid rules at airports" 🙄

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 11/08/2025 15:06

LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2025 15:24

Ok, but your question was
“what is a,b,c hair when it is at home?”

Does your hair change when it’s at home vs. not at home?

"When it's at home" is an idiom, primarily used in British English, to ask what something means in its simplest, most direct form. It's a humorous way to inquire about the basic meaning of a word, concept, or situation.

I think it’s possibly quite an old fashioned expression, much used by my aged mother.

Cherrysoup · 11/08/2025 15:11

Just to add, a friend from school and I were looking at our 1st year pictures at the weekend and she said ‘Your mother should have bought you products’ because my hair was a wild Afro style frizz (I am not African heritage). We then compared the sixth form picture where I had defined curls, having discovered products. We are in our 50s, hair product was not something we knew about.

Can’t imagine a current year 7 not knowing!

Pinkfluff76 · 11/08/2025 17:05

OMG is this actually for real? You must’ve saved money on your daughter’s food while she was gone! Get a grip,

workingitout1234 · 11/08/2025 17:46

I’m glad she replaced them life is tough and expensive at the moment

BadTitan · 11/08/2025 19:19

comeandhaveteawithme · 11/08/2025 00:20

UPDATE: MIL HAS REPLACED THE HAIR PRODUCTS!!

MIL popped round for coffee today (shitty, own brand instant coffee, don't worry), and we were chatting about the Holiday etc, when the subject of the binned hair products came up.
MIL and DH both found the subject amusing and at one point MIL said "I would have expected YOU to have been a bit more organised, don't you know the rules about liquids at airports" the "you" referring to the fact that I am generally joked about within the family as being very anal and precise about a lot of things, meticulously planning my budgets and my schedule, planning trips down to the minute, saving coupons etc. When they helped us move house they saw my extremely well organised socks drawers and found them hilarious etc etc, and I usually take the ribbing about my "analness" with good humour.
However they seemed to be quite smug and enjoying the fact that I had somehow been caught out and the titters and smug little glances to each other were severely getting on my tits.
So, (and I know I will get flamed as a nasty and ungrateful MIL hater for this next bit) I did pipe up and say "well, you know, you DID say that the suitcase was going in the hold, and it also said so on the itinerary you gave me, so actually that's why I packed full size in her suitcase and not in her backpack" and she just smiled and said "oh yes, well, yes, I suppose we did say that".

Mumsnet, you know I didn't intend to say anything, and I totally wasn't going to but none of you were there, her and my DH sitting there smugly laughing at me was so good damn annoying. The kids had been driving me mad and I was really wound up. I was hot and bothered and had been running around the house like a madwoman getting it in a respectable state for her visit and I just wanted a nice coffee with my MIL (who I do actually like, very much) without being patronised and made to feel stupid and that smile when she admitted that she DID say the back would be checked in, was just a tad too smug and self satisfied for my liking.

And I'll tell you something else, that whole family is chaotic and disorganised as fuck and I really don't mind, I even love them for it, but they know full well that I am the organiser and that they can rely on me to be the one to cook Christmas dinner for a massive crowd of relatives, or be the one that has the wet wipes or the extra water bottle someone needs on a day out. She's not like that, and I think a part of her feels a bit inadequate (she's not, she's perfectly nice and normal) and was enjoying having one up on me a little bit too much.

And I'm sorry, but I'm not a saint and I couldn't let that slide. If I was at fault, I'd have admitted it, and laughed along but you know what mumsnetters? It bloody well wasn't so I went further. I did. I said this next bit and now I feel bad but I said it and that's that.

I said "and actually they weren't cheap products".

I said it as I was going back into the kitchen with the cups so I thought I'd just sort of let that land with her and that the subject would be changed when I got back.

But no, she starts spluttering and saying "oh.. sorry... I didn't realise.... what were they? What products were they? I'll get her some more..." wind taken totally out of her sails

And I immediately felt guilty and the wind was also taken out of my sales and I spluttered back "oh no, please don't worry, it doesn't matter, I was just saying..."

And we just sort of spluttered back and forth awkwardly, me brining up rhe fact that she'd done so much for DD, and her brining up that no, no, it was her fault really, both clearly feeling awkward and guilty while DH, the dick, just sort of sat between us and looked awkwardly back and forth.

But I went to the kitchen, and when I came back, the subject had indeed been changed by DH, who can apparently do something useful, and the rest of the visit passed pleasantly enough, we looked at more photos and chatted about this and that.

And then when leaving she said, "do please let me know what that hairstuff was, I'm off to Tesco now so I can pick them up" and I said "no, no don't worry"

Anyway, she bloody video calls DH while down the hair stuff aisle without my knowledge as I was in the garden, and he tells her he doesn't see them on the shelf (she shops at a different supermarket to us) so she bloody drives over to our usual supermarket and she video calls him again and she gets him to point out the products on the shelf to her and she buys them and brings them over.

Mortified. Absolutely mortified. But it would also be a massive lie to say I am not relieved and pleased to have them replaced. And so are my kids who were bloody starving having not had lunch, which I totally couldn't give them until the products were replaced, apparently.

So there you are people. I hope this has been a satisfying conclusion to this rather mundane tale that I honestly didn't expect to get more than 10 or so replies.

I shall leave you all to debate whether or not I am a MIL-hating entitled brat, speculate about whatever tiny detail I no doubt missed out, and await children's services knocking at my door to collect my lunch-deprived children.

Thank you all for your participation xx

I LOVE the way you related this update - truly epic! The only way to improve it would have been to include a Greek chorus chanting 'Frizzy hair, frizzy hair!' at particularly tense moments. Love it!

SezFrankly · 11/08/2025 19:23

The generosity of the holiday outweighs replacement but it is annoying and husband isn’t helping!!

HevenlyMeS · 11/08/2025 20:51

Yes & we need to remember, £20 or 20 dollars is alot of money for numerous sincere souls 💚✨💚

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 11/08/2025 23:45

Glad everything got sorted out @comeandhaveteawithme but your update did make me giggle, as it's so quintessentially British except you'd all be drinking tea not coffee.

Also but slightly off topic you have a great writing style as your update I could imagine being a scene/act in a British sit com.

jbm16 · 12/08/2025 00:09

Cherrysoup · 11/08/2025 15:02

Oh my giddy aunt, the amount of people blaming the OP for not decanting into 100 or 150ml bottles, goodness me! 100ml would no way last me a week.

As for expensive hair products, if I use bog standard leave in supermarket or even branded conditioner, then my hair doesn’t ‘last’ all day. It will drop, become frizzy etc. Tresemme, someone mentioned, all very well, but if I touch my hair with this on, it showers my shoulders as it dries so I appear to have serious dandruff!

I use Lee Stafford curly conditioner, doesn’t flake off, can’t get it in a supermarket (I have Asda, Sainsbury, Aldi, Lidl, Tesco nearby) so if I lose it, I’m a bit stuffed. It’s about £9 for 250ml, not horrendous, lasts about a month, the associated shampoo lasts a lot longer, although I’m not fussy re brand as long as there are no sulphites.

Not sure anyone is really that bothered what hair brands you use, or the cost...

Surely if you are really that worried about the cost you would decant?

I just find this whole post rather petty, if I had taken grandchild away, paid for everything, I wouldn't expect my DIL to moan about a minor oversight, that cost £20, if she was so worried about should have been more organised..

The smugness of getting one over on the MI, to make her run around replacing it is evern more embarressing.

NeedUCAdviceplease · 12/08/2025 08:09

jbm16 · 12/08/2025 00:09

Not sure anyone is really that bothered what hair brands you use, or the cost...

Surely if you are really that worried about the cost you would decant?

I just find this whole post rather petty, if I had taken grandchild away, paid for everything, I wouldn't expect my DIL to moan about a minor oversight, that cost £20, if she was so worried about should have been more organised..

The smugness of getting one over on the MI, to make her run around replacing it is evern more embarressing.

Can you explain exactly how the OP was not the organised one, and how exactly you beleive she could have been more organised?

OP was told verbally that her DD's suitcase was going in the hold.
OP was given a copy of the itinerary which stated hold luggage had been booked and paid for.

OP then packed according to the information given to her, which was doubly confirmed. She packed a backpack suitable for hand luggage, and a suitcase suitable for hold luggage.
There was absolutely no need to decant, and OP would not have been able to decant anyway because as she had already stated, at least one of the products was a mousse.
The ONLY reason those products were thrown away was because the MIL changed the plan and
Didn't inform the OP plans would be changed,
Didn't ask OP if there was anything in the case that couldn't go in the cabin,
Didn't check herself if there was anything that couldn't go in the cabin.

The fault lies entirely with MIL and even MIL clearly agrees.

jbm16 · 12/08/2025 08:28

NeedUCAdviceplease · 12/08/2025 08:09

Can you explain exactly how the OP was not the organised one, and how exactly you beleive she could have been more organised?

OP was told verbally that her DD's suitcase was going in the hold.
OP was given a copy of the itinerary which stated hold luggage had been booked and paid for.

OP then packed according to the information given to her, which was doubly confirmed. She packed a backpack suitable for hand luggage, and a suitcase suitable for hold luggage.
There was absolutely no need to decant, and OP would not have been able to decant anyway because as she had already stated, at least one of the products was a mousse.
The ONLY reason those products were thrown away was because the MIL changed the plan and
Didn't inform the OP plans would be changed,
Didn't ask OP if there was anything in the case that couldn't go in the cabin,
Didn't check herself if there was anything that couldn't go in the cabin.

The fault lies entirely with MIL and even MIL clearly agrees.

Good god... long list of excuses for something not that important., why would you take a months supply of hair products for short break??

It's the smugness of the update that doesn't sit well with me, like she has got one over on the kind grandmother who took and paid for her daughter to go on holiday, made a slight oversight and then has this whole thread from the ungrateful DIL.

Tourmalines · 12/08/2025 08:35

jbm16 · 12/08/2025 08:28

Good god... long list of excuses for something not that important., why would you take a months supply of hair products for short break??

It's the smugness of the update that doesn't sit well with me, like she has got one over on the kind grandmother who took and paid for her daughter to go on holiday, made a slight oversight and then has this whole thread from the ungrateful DIL.

Yep .

NeedUCAdviceplease · 12/08/2025 08:45

jbm16 · 12/08/2025 08:28

Good god... long list of excuses for something not that important., why would you take a months supply of hair products for short break??

It's the smugness of the update that doesn't sit well with me, like she has got one over on the kind grandmother who took and paid for her daughter to go on holiday, made a slight oversight and then has this whole thread from the ungrateful DIL.

The update doesn't seem smug to me. Quite the reverse. The OP has been quite clear she wasn't going to say anything and only did so after her MIL and DH sat their being smug towards HER and mocking her for something that was 100% not her fault, while she was serving them coffee in her own house.

NeedUCAdviceplease · 12/08/2025 08:53

why would you take a months supply of hair products for short break

Because if plans were stuck to there's no reason to decant and because you can't decant mousse.

jbm16 · 12/08/2025 09:16

NeedUCAdviceplease · 12/08/2025 08:53

why would you take a months supply of hair products for short break

Because if plans were stuck to there's no reason to decant and because you can't decant mousse.

why the obsession with plans... I wouldn't take massive shampoo bottles regardless off the plan as not necessary and reduces the weight to carry.

Either way the grandmother did a nice thing, and OP made massive issue out of nothing.. personally would haven't given it a seconds thought.

WYTrio · 12/08/2025 09:25

NeedUCAdviceplease · 12/08/2025 08:45

The update doesn't seem smug to me. Quite the reverse. The OP has been quite clear she wasn't going to say anything and only did so after her MIL and DH sat their being smug towards HER and mocking her for something that was 100% not her fault, while she was serving them coffee in her own house.

Exactly this, the OP didn't make an issue of this, in the family at least, I'm not counting this thread. It was only when being teased about it as if it were her fault she explained the situation, it was the MIL who made it an issue.

I think the person who pointed out the mil was probably clueless as to the cost of the items being disposed of and thought it would just be a minor inconvenience hit the nail on the head. She had forgotten it was hold luggage so thought it was her Dil being scatty for once, and thought it was something worth pennies being disposed of

RedTiger21 · 12/08/2025 10:36

comeandhaveteawithme · 11/08/2025 00:26

Oh, and PS: I can't decant mousse.

I even googled it to see if you can, in fact, decant mousse, in case I said that and then someone smugly popped up to say yes, you can and it turns out that no, you can't decant aerosol mousse, it just turns to liquidy gel stuff.

One person on google did say that you can actually use the liquidy gel stuff just the same way as you do the mousse but I absolutely 100% do not believe that anyone on here knows that or that any of you would actually attempt to decant mousse, especially when you have been given solid information that suggests you can just take a full bottle.

If anyone says that they would then just know I absolutely 100% know you are lying, you do not do that, don't be so silly.

@comeandhaveteawithme This is one of the most entertaining posts I've read on MN. Glad things worked out for you, and your kids are no longer starving!

Daftypants · 12/08/2025 15:16

I am having a laugh there at some of the comments ..🤣
And what I would like I know is ( as I’m sat here with mad hair ) what products are they ?
because my own hair is driving me crazy right now .
a mix of frizz , ringlets , wavy bits

MistressRoydon · 12/08/2025 17:59

And as a mousse user OP you are absolutely right. I’ve tried to decant and it is utterly pointless. Glad it ended well- but think your DH is behaving badly to enjoy the fruits of your organisation and take a swipe. I have had this too and it’s not funny and is hurtful and ungrateful

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 12/08/2025 20:57

jbm16 · 12/08/2025 09:16

why the obsession with plans... I wouldn't take massive shampoo bottles regardless off the plan as not necessary and reduces the weight to carry.

Either way the grandmother did a nice thing, and OP made massive issue out of nothing.. personally would haven't given it a seconds thought.

Not everyone is the same as you
People do things differently & no way am I seeing that the OP is smug!

Sabrinaspellman01 · 13/08/2025 22:59

comeandhaveteawithme · 11/08/2025 00:20

UPDATE: MIL HAS REPLACED THE HAIR PRODUCTS!!

MIL popped round for coffee today (shitty, own brand instant coffee, don't worry), and we were chatting about the Holiday etc, when the subject of the binned hair products came up.
MIL and DH both found the subject amusing and at one point MIL said "I would have expected YOU to have been a bit more organised, don't you know the rules about liquids at airports" the "you" referring to the fact that I am generally joked about within the family as being very anal and precise about a lot of things, meticulously planning my budgets and my schedule, planning trips down to the minute, saving coupons etc. When they helped us move house they saw my extremely well organised socks drawers and found them hilarious etc etc, and I usually take the ribbing about my "analness" with good humour.
However they seemed to be quite smug and enjoying the fact that I had somehow been caught out and the titters and smug little glances to each other were severely getting on my tits.
So, (and I know I will get flamed as a nasty and ungrateful MIL hater for this next bit) I did pipe up and say "well, you know, you DID say that the suitcase was going in the hold, and it also said so on the itinerary you gave me, so actually that's why I packed full size in her suitcase and not in her backpack" and she just smiled and said "oh yes, well, yes, I suppose we did say that".

Mumsnet, you know I didn't intend to say anything, and I totally wasn't going to but none of you were there, her and my DH sitting there smugly laughing at me was so good damn annoying. The kids had been driving me mad and I was really wound up. I was hot and bothered and had been running around the house like a madwoman getting it in a respectable state for her visit and I just wanted a nice coffee with my MIL (who I do actually like, very much) without being patronised and made to feel stupid and that smile when she admitted that she DID say the back would be checked in, was just a tad too smug and self satisfied for my liking.

And I'll tell you something else, that whole family is chaotic and disorganised as fuck and I really don't mind, I even love them for it, but they know full well that I am the organiser and that they can rely on me to be the one to cook Christmas dinner for a massive crowd of relatives, or be the one that has the wet wipes or the extra water bottle someone needs on a day out. She's not like that, and I think a part of her feels a bit inadequate (she's not, she's perfectly nice and normal) and was enjoying having one up on me a little bit too much.

And I'm sorry, but I'm not a saint and I couldn't let that slide. If I was at fault, I'd have admitted it, and laughed along but you know what mumsnetters? It bloody well wasn't so I went further. I did. I said this next bit and now I feel bad but I said it and that's that.

I said "and actually they weren't cheap products".

I said it as I was going back into the kitchen with the cups so I thought I'd just sort of let that land with her and that the subject would be changed when I got back.

But no, she starts spluttering and saying "oh.. sorry... I didn't realise.... what were they? What products were they? I'll get her some more..." wind taken totally out of her sails

And I immediately felt guilty and the wind was also taken out of my sales and I spluttered back "oh no, please don't worry, it doesn't matter, I was just saying..."

And we just sort of spluttered back and forth awkwardly, me brining up rhe fact that she'd done so much for DD, and her brining up that no, no, it was her fault really, both clearly feeling awkward and guilty while DH, the dick, just sort of sat between us and looked awkwardly back and forth.

But I went to the kitchen, and when I came back, the subject had indeed been changed by DH, who can apparently do something useful, and the rest of the visit passed pleasantly enough, we looked at more photos and chatted about this and that.

And then when leaving she said, "do please let me know what that hairstuff was, I'm off to Tesco now so I can pick them up" and I said "no, no don't worry"

Anyway, she bloody video calls DH while down the hair stuff aisle without my knowledge as I was in the garden, and he tells her he doesn't see them on the shelf (she shops at a different supermarket to us) so she bloody drives over to our usual supermarket and she video calls him again and she gets him to point out the products on the shelf to her and she buys them and brings them over.

Mortified. Absolutely mortified. But it would also be a massive lie to say I am not relieved and pleased to have them replaced. And so are my kids who were bloody starving having not had lunch, which I totally couldn't give them until the products were replaced, apparently.

So there you are people. I hope this has been a satisfying conclusion to this rather mundane tale that I honestly didn't expect to get more than 10 or so replies.

I shall leave you all to debate whether or not I am a MIL-hating entitled brat, speculate about whatever tiny detail I no doubt missed out, and await children's services knocking at my door to collect my lunch-deprived children.

Thank you all for your participation xx

Brilliant outcome OP 👏 now GO AND FEED YOUR KIDS, WOMAN 🤣🤣

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/08/2025 23:48

Sabrinaspellman01 · 13/08/2025 22:59

Brilliant outcome OP 👏 now GO AND FEED YOUR KIDS, WOMAN 🤣🤣

Wow. You are extremely ungrateful. I felt some sympathy at the beginning of the thread for your financial situation.
MIL rushing to replace the products screams that it was an oversight.
I'm sure she loved bringing DD away, it's a pity that you couldn't let it go.
I'd be pretty upset at your spluttering it out if I was MIL.

HevenlyMeS · 14/08/2025 21:02

Some folks are actually grateful for others enlightenments & I'm always tempted to try Treseme but following reading this post, I'm going to omit purchasing
Others Insightfulness helps individuals
I feel original commenter was immensely appreciative of her Mother In Law replacing items
Far from smug, mortified to me, doesn't give an impression of smugness 💚

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 15/08/2025 07:47

jbm16 · 12/08/2025 00:09

Not sure anyone is really that bothered what hair brands you use, or the cost...

Surely if you are really that worried about the cost you would decant?

I just find this whole post rather petty, if I had taken grandchild away, paid for everything, I wouldn't expect my DIL to moan about a minor oversight, that cost £20, if she was so worried about should have been more organised..

The smugness of getting one over on the MI, to make her run around replacing it is evern more embarressing.

Over Your Head Dodge GIF by Jeremy Speed Schwartz

Can MNers be smug because it's patently obvious that you have either NOT read any updates or understood what you did read?

Yeah, I'm petty and smug that you have missed the whole context.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 15/08/2025 07:55

@comeandhaveteawithme This thread had me laughing from the beginning. You got bashed for a totally normal response by the pearl-clutching OCD brigade.
I am glad it worked out and very happy you didn't let them "pick on" you for something that you didn't do. I would not let someone do that to me, either.

And no, one cannot decant mousse, at least the kind you use in hair. Not sure about dessert mousse. Maybe one could decant that, if they really wanted to do so. 😉