To think MIL should replace DD's hair products?

[comeandhaveteawithme]

MIL recently took DD away on Holiday, for which I am of course very grateful.

I packed her a hand luggage backpack and a small suitcase. I obviously put any liquids over 150ml in her suitcase, which I was told would be checked into the hold.

Once at the airport, they decided DD's suitcase was small enough to go on as hand luggage so they didn't bother checking it in.

Subsequently, all of DD's hair products were confiscated and thrown away. She has long, thick hair that can be difficult to manage so I buy her certain products that we've tried and tested that work on her hair, the products total about £20. Also confiscated was a bottle of sun cream that costs £7.

We don't have a lot of spare money, and still have four weeks of the Summer Holidays left to go and need any spare cash we have. I can't really spend an extra £27 replacing these products that were almost full when I packed them and have now just been chucked in the bin. My Summer Holiday plans and budget are very carefully calculated. £27 is lunches for the week.

It is reasonable to think MIL should have bought her new stuff? I'm not going to ask her, but should she have replaced them? or AIBU and should just suck it up because she took her away and treated her?
DH just thinks it's all my fault and seems to think it somewhat amusing that I "still don't know liquid rules at airports" 🙄

My in-laws constantly lost stuff when dd was little, id be like “dds sundress isn’t in the changing bag” and they would be like “oh it might have got left at the beach” do mancy clothes, dummies, even a coat once! I only sent the cheapest stuff but it still added up. The time they lost the controls for the switch were the worst tho.
im like you id want to say something but wouldn’t feel able to. Next time only send cheap products , a couple of hair washes won’t make a difference.

Liquid rules are variable now. When I flew from Edinburgh a couple of weeks ago I was allowed up to 2 litres in my hand luggage but it was still only 100ml when flying home from Corfu.

As the adult present, your MIL had responsibility for that suitcase and should have known (or checked) what was in it and what was allowed on the flight before deciding not to check it in. I would be annoyed about this. Does she know how tight your finances are? If I was her I would have already replaced the items - surely your daughter needed them on holiday.

Incidentally, Tescos own brand sun cream is fab and much cheaper than the branded stuff.

I don't think people 'on the breadline' spend £27 on children's toiletries, no matter how unmanageable their hair is.

I think that packing should have been totally discussed before they went. They could have put the prohibited stuff in one of their cases, which is what we do. I'm a Nan, so are a lot of my friends, we'd replace the stuff without thinking about it. In fact we'd probably be buying it for her.

@Jackiepumpkinhead my eldest GC has curly hair which becomes impossible to manage without the products that suit it. It isn't a waste of money, just like dry skin cream isn't.

It's just one of those unfortunate things, nobody is at fault, but it's still going to cost you almost £30 (which is a lot of money, despite PP being so bloody rude about it).

I would be grumpy about it too op, but I don't think it's down to MIL to replace them.

I agree it is annoying, but in your shoes I'd also be looking at it another way - I'm assuming it was cheaper to take the bag on as hand luggage vs in the hold? If so, MIL would have been perfectly reasonable if she had asked you to pay for checking in the bag. Suspect that would have cost more than the lost toiletries. Regardless, mil has taken your daughter away as a treat, you're going to have to let this roll over you.

The key is who decided to not put the case into the hold, who's 'they'? If it was the grandmother then she should have checked the bag for liquids first and either transferred the items into a hold bag or replaced the items lost, if it was the ground staff who decided than as a GM I would be replacing them but she wouldn't be under an obligation.

That is annoying OP. How did your DD manage on holiday without the hair products? If I was the MIL I would have replaced them at the airport so DD had them on holiday.

Obviously that didn’t happen so I don’t think you can now ask for the money but I would be upset about this too. Especially if money is really tight, not sure why some people can’t understand that others simply don’t have £20 to spare. I’d be pissed off too.

That is annoying OP. How did your DD manage on holiday without the hair products? If I was the MIL I would have replaced them at the airport so DD had them on holiday.

Obviously that didn’t happen so I don’t think you can now ask for the money but I would be upset about this too. Especially if money is really tight, not sure why some people can’t understand that others simply don’t have £20 to spare. I’d be pissed off too.

That is annoying (and your DH comments are the most annoying) but it's likely one of those situations where MIL didn't give any thought to liquids in the "hold bag" and then it was too late. How old is your daughter? I'm wondering if she knows the rules and contents of her bag well enough to have said "grandma my shampoo is too big for cabin baggage" but it didn't occur to her either.

As to whether MIL should offer to pay for the cost of her mistake ... it would be nice but (a) she might consider it a drop in the ocean compared to the cost of the holiday (b) its only some shampoo worth a couple of quid etc and she has no idea its more expensive and (c) she probably has forgotten all about it already.

@B1anche it's £20, £5 a week. That's reasonable amount to have hair that is manageable and can be kept tidy, while still fitting in with a teenage peer group.

What products did she use while away?

It’s frustrating, but you will look so ungrateful and petty if you ask her for the ££.

Had you told her that DD’s products were in the case?

You don't always pay extra for checked luggage. Package holidays usually include a luggage allowance - it was 20kg per person on our holiday last month. Regardless, the OP states she had been told the luggage would be put into the hold so she packed accordingly.

OP didn't say she was on the breadline. She says she has a carefully managed budget during the summer Holidays. They are an expensive time.

I didn't say she did. The person I was quoting said that OP was on the breadline. I was disagreeing.

Assuming you were told she’d have checked luggage, and then didn’t, YANBU. I don’t think I’d actually say anything, as MIL has done a nice thing taking her on holiday. But they should have just checked it in, assuming checked luggage had been paid for already.

Ah yes, I see, sorry

You don't have to assume - it's the third sentence of the OP 😬

You've never had to budget that tightly? Lucky you.

No need to read the OP-it’s a MIL. Of course she’s in the wrong.

YABVU. Your DD got hundreds of £ worth of holiday this summer. You can “pay” £27, even if it means lunches had at home, fewer outings, cutting elsewhere.

Was the suitcase taken as hand luggage because MIL would have had to pay to check the bag into the hold? If so, you’re being doubly cheeky.

I was going to ask that too.

It’s annoying but I’d just try and think about the fact you would’ve saved considerably more than £27 as you didn’t have to pay for food, entertainment or potentially childcare for dd for the duration of the holiday.

I can see why it’s rubbed you up the wrong way- I get irrationally angry at money being wasted because of thoughtlessness or carelessness, and we’re not on a strict budget. But try and look at the bigger picture.

OP I do think it’s pretty embarrassing that you’d want to ask your MIL to pay for £27 worth of hair products. Did she pay to take her away or did you pay for DD to go wit her? Either way, she was looking after your DD in your absence and I cannot understand quibbling over such a small amount. Surely there are cheaper products that your DD can use? If you truly cannot afford £27 then your daughter needs to get used to using cheaper products.

MIL recently took DD away on Holiday, for which I am of course very grateful

Assuming from this that the MiL paid for the trip, in which case demanding £27 on top for the privilege is pretty cheeky.

Did MiL know there were expensive hair products in the case?

How old is DD that she didn’t speak up and tell the MiL?