To think MIL should replace DD's hair products?

[comeandhaveteawithme]

MIL recently took DD away on Holiday, for which I am of course very grateful.

I packed her a hand luggage backpack and a small suitcase. I obviously put any liquids over 150ml in her suitcase, which I was told would be checked into the hold.

Once at the airport, they decided DD's suitcase was small enough to go on as hand luggage so they didn't bother checking it in.

Subsequently, all of DD's hair products were confiscated and thrown away. She has long, thick hair that can be difficult to manage so I buy her certain products that we've tried and tested that work on her hair, the products total about £20. Also confiscated was a bottle of sun cream that costs £7.

We don't have a lot of spare money, and still have four weeks of the Summer Holidays left to go and need any spare cash we have. I can't really spend an extra £27 replacing these products that were almost full when I packed them and have now just been chucked in the bin. My Summer Holiday plans and budget are very carefully calculated. £27 is lunches for the week.

It is reasonable to think MIL should have bought her new stuff? I'm not going to ask her, but should she have replaced them? or AIBU and should just suck it up because she took her away and treated her?
DH just thinks it's all my fault and seems to think it somewhat amusing that I "still don't know liquid rules at airports" 🙄

Your DH is blaming you?😠Why is it your fault? Does the fact that he has a penis make him incapable of engaging with a situation where his mum is taking his daughter on holiday?

And, yes YABU, but in so far as expecting her to replace the toiletries when I assume she paid for the holiday. I would let it ride, especially if you want her to offer to take her away again in the future.

Did the grandparents have checked bags or just hand luggage? Was this discussed in advance?

The onboard allowance is 100ml not 150ml as you state in your OP..... If you had 150ml in hand luggage these would be taken also.

Unfortunately I think you need to let this one go.

I think yabu.
Your dd got a holiday out of it which would have been a lot more than £20. Yes, it's a bit annoying and I sympathise with the wasted money/ loss of hair products but I think I'd be too grateful for the free holiday to resent it this much- yes I know you're not going to as mil for the money.
How old is dd ?
Also - apologies if I've missed it but did you specifically say to put the suitcase in the hold due to liquids ? Did mil know they were there ?

How much spending money did you send with your child? Was any of it returned? I’m not clear whether your daughter is still on holidays or not?

I definitely wouldn’t ask for MIL to pay for the products. Was FIL there too? Or just daughter and MIL?

Assume you didn’t send your child away without giving something to her or her grandparent for her to pay for expenses on holiday? Maybe hope it’s not all used and that can go towards the shampoo?

Well it does tend to be the mils who do this shit 😂😂

It would have been nice if MIL had offered to replace the products, but you can't possibly ask her after she presumably paid for DD's foreign holiday and maybe saved you paid childcare for that period too. Surely DD can manage with ordinary hair products for a few washes until you can afford to replace them. If not, a little coconut oil or some other kitchen item might make her hair more manageable.

OP didn't say she "can't afford" lunches. She said that £27 is the price of lunches for the week. She was highlighting that it's a significant cost.

who decidedo carry it on as hand luggage-im not syaing you should ask but if it was mil then it is her fault

dont know how your dh is blaming you

But surely the suncream and a lot of the hair care products would have been used on holiday anyway?

If there was a checked bag paid for and they chose not to check it in then it's on them, but did they not provide her with toiletries when they were on holiday? How old is your daughter - a lesson to speak up for herself in future. I'd leave it as they paid for her holiday.

This isn't how budgeting works.
The OP presumably knew her daughter was going on Holiday when she worked out the Summer Holiday budget.
Therefore she would have taken into account the savings she was making on the Holiday and allocated it for other things, an extra treat for any other children in the house perhaps, or a meal out with her DH she wouldn't otherwise have had.
Therefore this extra unexpected cost is still an issue for her, no matter how many savings she made, because it's unexpected and not planned into the overall budget.
Therefore that money isn't available to her now.
People who have never had to plan budgets carefully don't realise this.

What did your DD use to wash her hair whilst on holiday?

Did you pay for the holiday and all the expenses for your daughter whilst she was taken away? I'd imagine not so there is your answer

Yep. Taking their grandchild on holiday and not being psychic. Utter cow.

If your daughter is too young or disabled to understand and you had told MIL specifically about the products, then yes MIL should pay.
If your daughter is too young or disabled to understand and you had NOT told MIL specifically about the products, then you should pay.
If your daughter knew there were products in her suitcase she couldn't take through and didn't say anything to MIL then daughter needs to replace anything she is bothered about using!

I understand you decided to pack the whole bottle, but I wonder if bringing just a smaller amount would have been safer (and an option for next time). Things can easily get lost when traveling (irrespective that in this case it was down to the decision to not check in luggage). My kids have lost clothes and even shoes on trips (DofE, school, scouts), it’s just part of life....
I dont think your MIL realises how tight finances are - its of course important to be mindful of expenses like toiletries etc, but maybe it’s worth having a chat with her? Not about the £27 per see, but as to how stretched things are? Sometimes family can help out, and perhaps they could assist with groceries or everyday needs?
Finally, if your lunch budget for the week is £27, I think you need to reconsider how much you spend on hairproducts/ suncream. There are much cheaper options - I know you said it works well for your daugher, but try to look at the ingredients and google an alternative. A lot of it is marekting - not actual performance.
All the best -

U dont need to be psychic to work out you shouldn't just throw away bottles of hair products and suncream that you knew your dil spent money on. Like seriously you would replace it in some shape or form. But yes I agree utter cow! 😂

Don’t mention it. It’ll make you look so like you’re money grabbing. Shit happens. Her intention was good. She was very generous taking her on hols. It’s annoying when things get wasted like that though so I see what you feel upset about.

@comeandhaveteawithme for frizzy, curly and difficult to manage hair - the solution in hot countries is coconut oil. It's widely used in India and Africa and best of all, doesn't cost £££ a bottle.

I agree that you just have to suck up this one, especially as the bottle of suncream would have been used up during the holiday. (I decant shampoo/conditioner etc into travel bottles, even when they go into the hold).

I'm like many

It isn't. If DMs do this kind of thing they are instantly forgiven or their DD communicates their feelings with them and the problem is solved.

MILs, on the other hand, are treated like the enemy, with suspicion, and the DIL marches straight to MN to get it off her chest. They can't win, even if they have done something as generous as taken their GC on holiday

I'm like many wondering what she used on the actual holiday ?

Probably with everything going on MIL may have forgotten incident /have no idea how £ these items were and I wouldn't think anymore about it with a view to kindly MIL taking your daughter away.

However your non understanding DH - whilst you get sandwiches or whatever on holidays he can have dry bread and scrape to make up the £27

It's hardly surprising that money is tight if the OP is spending £27 on a child's toiletries.

This is not an example of good budgeting.

What’s ’type a, b or c’ hair when it’s at home?

No you are not hard up if you can spend £27 on products. It doesn't make sense. This feels like a confected grievance which is really about something else that has been simmering for a while.