To think MIL should replace DD's hair products?

[comeandhaveteawithme]

MIL recently took DD away on Holiday, for which I am of course very grateful.

I packed her a hand luggage backpack and a small suitcase. I obviously put any liquids over 150ml in her suitcase, which I was told would be checked into the hold.

Once at the airport, they decided DD's suitcase was small enough to go on as hand luggage so they didn't bother checking it in.

Subsequently, all of DD's hair products were confiscated and thrown away. She has long, thick hair that can be difficult to manage so I buy her certain products that we've tried and tested that work on her hair, the products total about £20. Also confiscated was a bottle of sun cream that costs £7.

We don't have a lot of spare money, and still have four weeks of the Summer Holidays left to go and need any spare cash we have. I can't really spend an extra £27 replacing these products that were almost full when I packed them and have now just been chucked in the bin. My Summer Holiday plans and budget are very carefully calculated. £27 is lunches for the week.

It is reasonable to think MIL should have bought her new stuff? I'm not going to ask her, but should she have replaced them? or AIBU and should just suck it up because she took her away and treated her?
DH just thinks it's all my fault and seems to think it somewhat amusing that I "still don't know liquid rules at airports" 🙄

Are you saying that your daughter is now on holiday and has no toiletries or suncream and your MIL won't buy her any??

These things happen, my case got “upgraded” to cabin luggage and despite my protests I lost two full bottles of REN products. I expect they were liberated from the plastic box of shame at the end of the shift.

If someone is paying for your kid to go on holiday then yes its rude to argue over a small amount of money.

Did you pay MIL for the holiday? Otherwise £27 is pretty cheap for a holiday that involved a flight, I absolutely wouldn’t ask for the toiletries to be replaced!

I'm assuming that you have saved much more than £27 by not having to feed and entertain your daughter for the duration of her holiday?

Would your MIL know how expensive the products are? If she thought they were cheap, it might not have occurred to her to cover the cost. As annoying as it is, you really can't ask for the money after she took your DD on holiday (edited to add: I know you have no intention of asking btw! And I'm annoyed for you that you were working on the information they gave, and now you're going to lose the better part of £30).

To be honest, I'd be more irritated at your DH's "amusement". I can put up with a lot but if I'm in the right and someone tries to make me look like a dick, it's like a red rag to a bull.

I can see why that’s frustrating and I know you have no intention of asking her for the money but if she funded your daughter’s holiday or even just her food/drink while away then I think her contribution more than outweighs this and explains why your MiL hasn’t felt obliged to replace them. She was probably just trying to save time at the arrival airport and just didn’t think about it. If your DD didn’t arrive home with sunburn then they clearly made sure she was wearing lotion.

Presumably you don’t discuss your budgeting details with MiL either so she won’t actually be aware how carefully calibrated it is?

Think on it as £27 you didn't have to spend on your DD that week as she was away being spoiled by her Grandma instead. Think you are probably overall quids in.

Don't be ridiculous. I get that this is a lot of money for you but honestly there's no way you can ask after they took your DD on holiday.
What if it was just left behind? Would you be as annoyed then? Or is it because MIL made a bad judgement call?

I can highly recommend Lidls hair products. They do really well in those blind testings, and I've switched to them from £28 shampoo and conditioner.

Please don’t ask. Your MIL took your DD away during school holidays possibly saving you paying for childcare/holiday club, saving your annual leave, saving you food money and she either paid for a full holiday place for your DD or at the very least paid for a flight, extra for a bedroom, food all week, potentially meals out and any activities etc and your quibbling about £27?!?

How old is your daughter? It also seems odd that you can spend £20 odd on your DD’s toiletries but you can’t afford lunches. Maybe reduce toiletry costs for DD and or spend less on lunches.

You can change it you know!

Then a lot of people have big problems at the moment! What planet are you on?

@comeandhaveteawithme how old is your DD?

Did you specifically say to your MIL that you've put the liquids in her case to go in the hold? If you did then YANBU to ask her to replace them.

If your DD is secondary school age then I'd have expected her to say something to MIL about the liquids.

Wtf, she has kindly taken and paid for your DD to go on holiday and you're quibbling over £27?! Would you react in the same way if your mother/parents took your daughter on holiday? If you are that hard up for cash, perhaps cut back on the hair products.

£27 on hair products is a lot of money when money is so tight. But to answer your question, it wouldn't even occur to me that MIL should replace the products. I'd be so fucking grateful that my child was being taken on a free holiday (obviously abroad too). To say nothing of the money you've saved not feeding your child or taking on trips or whatever. Beyond cheeky and pretty entitled OP.

This is a situation where no one is at fault. MIL likely had no idea you had packed these liquids in the suitcase when she decided not to check the bag. (To prevent this in future always pack a suitcase TOO big to go as a cabin bag.)

So I would not say that MIL should replace these items and normally £27 is too small to ask for help replacing them.

However, I think given your financial situation you can ask MIL to contribute or help towards replacing the products. You would need to be honest that you are asking because you can’t afford to £27 at this time to replace them all.

It would be rude and unreasonable imho, to go to MIL with an attitude of this is your fault, you are responsible so therefore you should fully replace them and you owe me £27

I get it is disappointing when times are tough. Another unexpected cost.

Someone stole my DS trainers a week before pay day, it was frustrating.

MIL would be aware if your financial situation, I'd suck it up and replace with cheaper products.

OP, you haven't said how old DD is which is pertinent to the point.

If the luggage was to be hold luggage, who was going to answer ' did you pack this ?'.

Someone has to take responsibility for hold luggage. If DD is old enough then she has to understand the contents in relation to the change to cabin luggage and the liquid restrictions.

In my opinion, your partner/ husband is a tit.

Tell your DH to replace them since he thinks it's funny and clearly doesn't understand that 'liquid rules' don't apply to checked bags which this should have been. Arsehole.

Tell me you’ve never been short of money without telling me you’ve never been short of money!

You spend 20 quid on hair products for a child?

You cant afford that. Its massively indulgent

Did you pay anything towards the holiday? Food? Spending money? Anything?
If not then no, of course you can’t ask for £27.
And if you do then expect a bill in return for holiday expenses!

It is annoying, but I think you’ll have to let it slide unfortunately.

I suppose you know for next time to put them in the little bottles for her instead.

My MIL would instantly replace them, but I know it wouldn’t even enter my Mums head to do that.

But yes, definitely annoying that you’re going to need to fork out another £27 for everything. Could you get some cheap stuff until payday instead?

OP said her DD has long thick hair that is hard to manage- I’m thinking type b or c hair and unfortunately you can’t use regular hair products because most people have type a hair. So the products for 95% of population are always going to be cheaper than the products for 5% of the population.

Nothing to do with indulgence, and everything to do with lack of equality and inclusion.

I wonder if she’s just assumed they’re normal priced
ones 😩