Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

[Breezeopal]

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

I’d be absolutely fucking furious with him! And he’d know it too!
I think you have two options.

1. Take less stuff and go with the children in your car (don’t know how far away you’re going and whether you’re confident to do that)
2. Take the children out for the day somewhere local. Farm etc.

I absolutely would not hang around waiting for him to sober up because to be honest, if he’s drunk so much that he’s thrown up and shat himself, he’s not going to be in any fit state to drive at all today and would you want to chance putting your precious children in a car with him? I wouldn’t!

So youve enabled his drunken behaviour by coming to the rescue and collecting him vs letting him figure out how to get home last night. Then, getting him into the house, getting him undressed and into bed whilst putting his soiled clothes in the wash vs leaving them in a pile for him to deal with in the morning. Now hes ruined a holiday and youre not going? Oh op, wheres his consequences?!

If he had of been sick in the car/house, you would have cleaned that up too? Stop and never do that again.

i bet your mum is worried about you and you being with this prat

@Breezeopal how much stuff do you need? I take 3 kids away for a week in my tiny car!

Just pack smaller bags and go with you and the kids.

My DH did this once and I went away without him. I was furious and told him if he got himself in that state again our marriage was over.

Is this the new version of taking everything including the kitchen sink? 😁

You're putting all kinds of obstacles in the way to people's suggestions. 🙄
Can you seriously ever consider him a responsible and attractive partner going forward? I bet you don't leave!

You'll have much more room in your car without the shitty husband and his packing.

Go without him, you will feel free.

Shat himself on a night out? Sounds like recreational drugs were involved if you ask me....I've know that to happen to friends in the (distant) past

He shit himself? The dirty fucker would have been sleeping in the garden. I couldn't even look at him, never mind go away with him.

Put whatever things you can fit in your car and go. Tell him to bring the rest down in his bigger car.

Take what you can fit in, buy stuff when you get there if you need to. I couldn't bear to be around him right now.

He'll absolutely down play this and say it was a one off, everyone does on occasion, he wasn't that bad etc but if someone gets in that state, knowing that have family responsibilities the next day they are not only a selfish twat but also have an alcohol problem.

OP pack some things, get you and the kids in your car and just go. What else are you gonna do? Wait til he's sobers up and is fit enough to drive (tomorrow). Leave him to it.

Yep, I'd go without him. But to be honest I wouldn't have provided a taxi service for him either. I'd have told his friends he could walk or stay with one of them. Why is it only ever men who seem to soil themselves whilst totally inebriated?! Nothing would be more off-putting to me, personally. It's like waking up next to Spud from Trainspotting.

He would probably like it if you went without him with the kids so he can recover in piece. I'd make him get up and go.

How revolting. I'm sorry he's ruined your weekend, how are you feeling about the marriage in general?

Maybe – just maybe – OP wants her break away to be practical and enjoyable, and not even more difficult and disappointing than it has already been due to no fault of her own.

She’d obviously posting here because she is really upset and seeking support, not just practical advice, so get rid of your attitude.

And yes shat himself sounds like class A's.

I wouldn’t have washed the clothes - they would have been in a bag and then straight out to the bin 🤢

I agree with everyone else that you should go. Take what you need for the day and let him come when he’s sober and bring the rest.

Have a nice day with the kids, no reason you should be missing out a day of your holidays

Pack whatever you can fit in the car. It’s amazing what you can fit in when determined. As a family of 4 we once went camping and took tent, all accessories and stuff and I squeezed it into a small fiesta. If he was that drunk he won’t be in a fit state to talk properly today so don’t even try. Get up and be gone with the kids - and dont wash his sicky shitty clothes

He’s ruined it because you let him. Stop been a wet blanket pack the essentials and take the kids in your car. Leave the rest for your wanker of a dh to bring in his car later. Message him and advise you expect him to join you by early evening so he can put the kids to bed.

Agree with this and it would be interesting to know if they did. That definitely would be the end if drugs were a factor. No way could i have that around the children, even if it was done elsewhere outside of the house

This. People don't usually shit themselves because they are drunk. Piss themselves yes but not shit themselves. I can't believe you went to collect him and I can't believe you washed his stuff.

Call around and ask siblings or friends and go. Even if you leave off later. What he did was a piss take and getting to the state that he spiked himself is vile!

I dont think he's goin to be fit to drive at all today!

Is he still on the sofa with shitty pants??

I wouldnt really relish the idea of going away to 2 kids under 4 though, but only you know your kids so if you think they'll be ok to handle by yourself, then go and enjoy the weekend.

How do you know she’s being a wet blanket. All she replied before was that she wasn’t insured nor comfortable driving the bigger car. For all we know from the lack of replies she currently packing her 106 to the brim and getting the hell out of there.

There’s really no need to make her feel any worse than she already does I’m sure!!!

I really don’t think it’s fair, and it’s quite misogynistic, to accuse OP of ‘enabling’ his behaviour. Men are grown ups capable of making their own decisions and women are not responsible for the shit ones just by association.

OP wouldn’t have had much choice other than to do what she did. The alternative was to leave someone who’s clearly incoherent because of alcohol to find their way home - he’s not just her DH, he’s the father of her children, and if she had refused and something had happened she would inevitably have blamed herself. And when he got home, what was she supposed to do - let him stink out the whole house all night ?

The consequences come today. He’s hanging from the effects of his drinking - cue noise and mayhem from the kids, washing machine spinning away and vacuuming for good measure. Then when he’s sobered up enough, a boundary setting talk about the consequences of this ever happening again, to include a full description of the state he was in. OP had to clean up sick and shit - she has two children already, she doesn’t need a third.

From what OP says it sounds like he has form for getting drunk, so l think that’s what needs to be addressed, as well as being clear about the consequences if it doesn’t stop and he doesn’t get the appropriate help he needs if there’s a problem around alcohol. He’s a father, he’s setting a terrible example to his kids by his behaviour and he’s let them down this weekend. His choice. His consequences.