Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

[Breezeopal]

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

He will probably not be below the UK drink-drive limit until late evening, and alcohol-free until late tomorrow. There are morning-after calculators online. You would need to guess how much would get him to that state, and add a bit for tolerance if he drinks regularly.

I also beg you to go in your car. If he gets to the point he can safely drive he can bring the rest of the stuff.

it will be goo for your confidence to go.

Just take the basics of what you need and you go in your car. He can bring everything else later

If it's a one off I'd be concerned, furious too that he messed up plans but he is very unwell and I don't think this is the moment to be confronting him. Give it a few hours. If it were me and I had a few too many I'd like to think there would be a little bit of empathy in my house, at least while recovering. Vomiting and soiling himself is pretty serious he must have been in a very bad way, possibly having an unusual physical reaction. I'd also be concerned what's going on mentally to get into that state.

Why should that irresponsible arsehole spoil the fun for the children? Go without him and leave him to wallow in his own vomit and shit.

I used to drive a Peugeot 106. I went to and from uni with all my belongings for a whole term in that car. You can surely fit what you need for 3 nights!

Saying 'poor guy' when someone behaves that badly is an excuse. Poor guys, he must be unhappy, he must be ashamed, he must need cheering up, he must need taking care of...

Poor guy just needs a woman to forgive/forget/do the caring shit..

Nah. He behaved horribly, on purpose.

Realistically he isn’t going to be safe to drive today. Reduce how much you’re taking and go. What is it you’re taking which is so big? Perfect prep - just buy ready made formula, travel cot - swap to cosleeping as DH won’t be in the bed.

If your camping then book a premiere inn instead.

If you share your packing list the MN’s can help you pare it down.

His friends were all getting taxi’s too. I don’t think a hotel would have taken him either. I’ve known him nearly a decade and that’s the worst I’ve seen him.

It was gone midnight by the time I got to sleep myself, I threw everything straight in the wash which isn’t an experience I’d repeat in a hurry.

I wouldn't want to go on my own for the entire holiday with 2 under 4, so would either take both cars (essentials only in yours) or sacrifice the first day.

How far away is it, and is it practical to take 2 cars with available parking, etc?

I’d wait until he’s fit to drive personally. Otherwise it’s not much of a break for you doing solo parenting all weekend while he recovers from a hangover at home. Then make sure you take a nice morning off when you’re away and leave him in charge.

If you say so. Roll on the divorce lawyers then ✍

You’re making excuses, why come here and ask advice if you won’t take it.

OP your response to this will tell him whether this sort of tactic works. The choice you make about what to do today will tell him whether he's onto a winner and has the power to sabotage or otherwise control your activities as a family...or whether you have boundaries and standards that hold firm in the face of his immaturity.

It staggers me that women put up with this from grown men.
Doing this when youre 17/18?
Fair enough - you dont know any better.
Also, the lying would really bother me.
It was never a meal, was it, op?

Leave in your car with minimal stuff and he packs up his car and meets you when he can? But tbh there is a bigger issue here and he is suck a dick for doing that

Take the kids out for the day somewhere else, let him stew when he realises you are not there when he wakes up.

Always one !!

’worst I’ve seen him’ sounds like you may have seen him too drunk before.

Go. Leave the drunken idiot in his own mess. I couldn’t even look at someone who got so pissed they shat themselves. Christ.

I agree with previous posters - definitely go anyway, just bring essentials, you can do it. There is no way you should let him ruin this weekend for you and your children. His behaviour has been pathetic, he won’t be in a fit state to drive this afternoon safely. Don’t hang about waiting for him.

Do anything you can to find another way around it. Take your car with essentials and leave the rest in his car to bring when he joins you.
Or hire a car.
Or take public transport.

Which car did he shit in? I would have left by now, but I was married to an alcoholic for ten long sad years. I would have dithered at the beginning but with hindsight I should have gone the first time. It rarely gets better in my limited experience ( 8 years al Al Anon ) do you and the kids a favour get tooth brushes and pants and go. He can follow later when he's finished cleaning everything up and is sober.

I thought the same. Seems like it’s not a one off by any means.

Load his car up with everything you need. Pack lunch, changing bag etc and the Kids into your car. Go now and he can join you later in his.

have a lovely day. Tackle him later the idiot.