Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

[Breezeopal]

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

If you want to process this further with more of the support and less heckling, you could start a thread in Relationships. It could help you build up your confidence with the aim of being a stronger mum for your DC.

I think this thread is going to close soon as it’s on page 40. Thanks for those who have been genuinely supportive, it’s appreciated. Also, sorry many of you have been so angered, I didn’t realise driving was such a touchy subject on here!

Your h is completely repulsive, what a waste of time.

You should make things up to your dc

Thanks but I think that ship has sailed. I guess this has made me understand why in some quarters Mumsnet has such a reputation for being full of bitter divorcees who hate men and that seems to have bubbled over towards their partners. Oh well, it’s a new week tomorrow at least!

@Breezeopal Driving isn't a touchy subject, but enabling a selfish binge drinker who upsets you and your children is. Does that register at all?

Sounds to me like he wanted you to go on your own and had absolute no intention of joining you all when he was feeling better. I'm not sure I could come back from this relationship -wise.

Get your ducks in a row and consider starting driving some unfamiliar routes so you get more used to driving on different types of roads. Not much you can do about the size of your car but at least going forward if you ever needed to go it alone with the kids, nervousness on the roads wouldn't hold you back.

Hope you're okay OP x

I am going to browse DTui and DJet2 for some ideas to cheer me up!

Hi OP,

This is bang on the sort of thing my (now ex) used to do every couple of months. It took ruining Christmas Day last year for me to leave after putting up with that kind of crap for 11 years - 3 of which we had a child together. Now I feel so much happier, lighter (emotionally and physically!), healthier, people say I look 10 years younger.

If your husband has form for this, I would consider how much it's weighing you and the children down. His "whoopsie" mistake regarding "accidentally" getting completely shitfaced, and shit-trousered, has ruined a holiday for the whole family. It sounds like he's grumpy and not remorseful either.

It took seeing my 3yo daughter giving up on showing her hungover dad presents Santa had brought (because he was SO hungover that he couldn't even talk - he just went "urrrgh" when she spoke to him 💔) for me to realise it was no longer impacting just me and I couldn't stay.

I hope this is just a one off and he never does it again, but I see you've mentioned it's not his first rodeo pulling this kind of stunt.

I think your H's behaviour has been awful and you're trying to brush it under the carpet.

A lot of the heat on this thread is likely to be people worried about your DC, not hating your DH for being a man.

Oh dear Op, it's just so sad to hear a woman and children being treated so badly and just meekly accepting awful disrespectful behaviour. Maybe it's you not us . . .

No! You mustn't feel bad Op! He should be feeling like an absolute piece of shit for this, not you at all. He blindsided you with his selfish behaviour and this time you weren't ready to put yourself and your children first. He's got his boys night out, his taxi (you) home. He felt a bit rough starting out on the journey, so he's had a stroppy little fit and pinned the blame on you and the children.

Do some reflecting on this weekend, start noticing his behaviour and how he makes you feel. None of this is good and that is down to him not you. I hope this was a one off of completely twattish behaviour and he will hang his head in shame, but if not, be aware, be ready and keep coming back here for support.

Also get building up your confidence in the car. I absolutely love driving now but I really had to force myself at first. I took little random trips to push myself further and further usually with a treat at the end like a takeaway coffee. Still hate a motorway sliproad, but love being behind the wheel.

Good luck op! x

He’s a cunt.

Did he even clean your car or your washing machine considering his shit was on both? Please add some bleach to your machine :/

How VILE to ruin your trip and then treat you and your small children like this. I’d be asking him to leave and it takes a lot to push me over the edge but this is horrendous.

My husband had me driving my big car day 1 of moving abroad and I’m glad he pushed me as I’m independent now. Do try and increase your driving confidence! I would have gone without him. Sorry you didn’t get to go.

Deleted because what's the point

You would think, but I've deleted more than one profile and abandoned this forum for years at a time over people piling on when I was down/ stuck/ not ready.

I've also been to many many beer festivals and some of those ABVs are sneaky indeed.

I would say to the OP that no marriage to me would recover from this man's recent behaviour and the fact that OP seems so inured to it suggests that it's not his first offence. That being the case, it's deteriorated to this now and it's him keeping the conflict going by sounds it, so where is your line, OP? How much more?

He’s cancelling his annual leave? So he has no intention of making it up to you then???

I find it frustrating and exhausting that the OP would just lay down accepting this treatment from her husband.

The throw away comment from OP about Mumsnet being full of bitter divorcees is disgusting. I am convinced it's just a wind up thread.

The divorcees are happy free women. The bitter women are those trapped in loveless and abusive relationships.

God love you OP, and your poor children.
You so don't deserve this awful loser.

@ThatBlackCat Unfortunately that could be just what he wants. He probably hoped that OP and the kids went yesterday and he had the rest of the time to either recover from his drinking properly - in bed and sleeping it off or back out on the lash "hair of the dog" or he has another agenda all together. It is the children that I feel so sorry for as they are too young to understand the situation and may therefore just think that they are the problem and feel unwanted. Without knowing the background and how they normally are as a couple/family, it is hard to make any judgement. Whether this is completely out of character or his usual behaviour, just worse this time, makes all the differencde as to how she moves forward. What I will keep saying though is that there is no need for people to speak to the OP like she is something they have trodden in or some kind of imbecile. Nobody knows the back story so to keep having a go at her and making her feel less of a person for not throwing him out or screaming at him in the car either when it happened or now is just cruel and adding fat to the flames. OP should NOT if either one of them is driving with the childten in the car, start arguing or fighting, especially screaming as that could and would probably cause an accident or set the children off screaming or crying in fright. Any fight can take place later when on terra firma and the children safely out of earshot. The OP clearly does not have a lot of confidence and maybe self worth - whatever you or I would do is not the issue. She will have to come to the painful realisation herself, and she will - probably sooner rather than later, as he has practically spelt it out to her that it is more of a one sided relationship and he really does not want to be in it any longer for whatever reason. OP may be aware of this but might be still in love with him and does not want to let go, hoping things will improve or go back to how they were if indeed things used to be better than this, but why people on here are getting angry at OP about this is something I can't understand.

Tbh people who were talking about driving alone were saying so to give you independence and build your confidence driving. Others even gave tips on taking breaks and asked you to get someone to go with you, who could drive, share driving or give you confidence in the car. But that fact you choose to focus on that and not your lying husband who you act like a doormat for and are willing to allow your children to have negative experiences for shows everyone where your priorities lie.

Trying to paint people on here as the bad guys when you posted and then literally did everything to appease your shite husband and disappoint your children further obviously got people annoyed. It seems like we are more worried about your children then you. If you are happy to be with an alcoholic and possible druggie, someone who lies, takes no responsibility and will happily let down his children then great but that's not fair on those poor kids. You really should be ashamed.

I was all for feeling bad for you and offering you support but some people just want to feel sorry for themselves. For you to talk about bitter divorcees when some of those women had ex partners like your husband and had the guts to leave isn't great. At least they were willing to put themselves and their children first.

That's out of order! Sounds like you will certainly be a divorcee one day so you shouldn't really be so derogatory towards them.

Nothing wrong with divorcee’s - I was just referring to the bitter ones!

I’m quite glad for the OP that this thread will shortly lock. A lot of the criticism is valid but it’s a lot to take in in an emerging situation where the rug has been pulled from under you without warning and you are juggling an arsehole husband and toddlers. Tomorrow is a new week and hopefully a new dawn for the OP.

Jesus, I'm neither bitter nor a divorcee, but I'd rather be both than a downtrodden wife of a selfish twat who shits himself for lols. I feel sorry for your children.

@Breezeopal

i would much rather be a divorcee than married to someone who can’t hold their drink and shits themselves! Ick!!

Oh. I hadn’t seen this rather unpleasant remark!