Page 39 | Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

Breezeopal · 2025-08-09T08:06:57+00:00

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4). DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home. At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up. Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!! We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving. We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening. I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

westartfires · 10/08/2025 20:30

Khanga27 · 10/08/2025 20:26

You are sending a horrendous message to your kids and you risk them being scarred by memories like this - “my holiday as a child was ruined and cancelled because my father abused alcohol and put alcohol before us, and my mother put her insecurities before us and didn’t want to take us”. This may sound harsh, but is how your thread reads. You are teaching your kids that you as a mother are powerless and it is a horrendous thing to do!

Except they are under 4 so won’t have any memory of the experience as adults. If OP’s DH doesn’t learn a lesson that he can’t just do what he wants without repercussions (ie no holiday and having to care for toddlers) then surely he’ll do the same thing again and again.

Campingisnexttogodliness · 10/08/2025 20:33

File for divorce
I promise you won't regret it.. My exh used to piss in the wardrobe most Sundays evenings...
Book some advance driving lessons.
Plan a trip for you and the dc next summer.. .
Don't look back.

verityveritas · 10/08/2025 20:35

right, well, what’s done is done now. So moving forward you need to practise driving his car, and he needs to add you to the insurance. It does take practice driving a bigger car and manoeuvring it, just go out when it’s early morning every Saturday, when it’s quieter. The more you get used to it, the easier it will be. Kids can go with you and you can all stop at a costa or similar for breakfast. Make it a weekly event, until you feel confident driving his car, and then if he ever pulls a stunt like that again, you will have the confidence to go with the kids. Also practise driving your car further. I had a fiat panda, I could get two kids and their car seats in, and two overnight bags! Packing light is every bit as much as a skill as driving😁. Honestly OP, the more you drive the more confident you’ll get. And there is nothing more fun than going on a car trip, playing Tetris with camping gear, long legged teens and a hairy hound (not in the fiat, that long since departed this life, but my car is a hatchback so not big!).

Khanga27 · 10/08/2025 20:35

westartfires · 10/08/2025 20:30

Except they are under 4 so won’t have any memory of the experience as adults. If OP’s DH doesn’t learn a lesson that he can’t just do what he wants without repercussions (ie no holiday and having to care for toddlers) then surely he’ll do the same thing again and again.

Edited

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It’s a tricky one to balance as I do agree with you about the husband element. But there’s two aspects:

while we don’t remember a lot from that age, we do remember fragments. I still have memories from that age for example of thinking I was less likely to be told off if I wore a dress (which I realise sounds a bit weird but was a random pattern I noticed around that age for some reason)
this could risk repeating as a pattern of behaviour by both OP and DH which would then scar more

Ultimately the DH is to blame here for this situation, but it seems horrible for the family to suffer like this for what should have been a lovely weekend making memories.

LIZS · 10/08/2025 20:36

Breezeopal · 10/08/2025 16:31

So the trip is definitely cancelled, we eventually left at about 1pm but 40 minutes into the journey with one of the kids shrieking, my husband snapped and said he isn’t feeling up to it so turned around and took us all home. It was a horrible journey back, our children were crying, I was trying to hold it together but broke down in tears and he just kept saying I should have gone away by myself. I feel pretty useless right now reading the comments here about driving and he has compounded that with what he said.

So he has deliberately sabotaged the trip and now cancelled it. He never wanted to go on the first place and is controlling enough to lay it all on you and the dc, gaslighting. Find yourselves somewhere within reach to go away for a few days without him. Take dm if she is now free of guests. Then reconsider your future. Is this the behaviour you want modelled for your dc, let alone your own security and happiness.

Heronwatcher · 10/08/2025 20:36

westartfires · 10/08/2025 20:17

Completely agree. Why should he get a weekend to himself to recover? Why should we women do all the hard graft parenting? He should be left in charge of them with his hangover while you go off and have some me time.

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Come on, the kids have already been promised a holiday, left late, and then turned back after 40 mins in tears. How would being left with this lazy pissed arsehole be fair on them?

bozzabollix · 10/08/2025 20:38

Just saw the phrase ‘man car’. I have what you’d call a ‘man car’ and it’s so much easier and smoother to drive than a traditional ‘woman car’. These attitudes should not persist. Get in his car and drive it somewhere quiet, you’ll be very pleased you did. Then drive it enough to be confident - tbh he doesn’t deserve the better car from what you’ve written, I’d lay claim.

Then of course you can leave him to shit his pants whilst you have a pleasant time without him.

westartfires · 10/08/2025 20:38

Heronwatcher · 10/08/2025 20:36

Come on, the kids have already been promised a holiday, left late, and then turned back after 40 mins in tears. How would being left with this lazy pissed arsehole be fair on them?

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Because he is their father and he needs to step up?

OnceIn · 10/08/2025 20:39

Khanga27 · 10/08/2025 20:26

You are sending a horrendous message to your kids and you risk them being scarred by memories like this - “my holiday as a child was ruined and cancelled because my father abused alcohol and put alcohol before us, and my mother put her insecurities before us and didn’t want to take us”. This may sound harsh, but is how your thread reads. You are teaching your kids that you as a mother are powerless and it is a horrendous thing to do!

Oh what utter tosh!! Scarred because their mother won’t drive a car she’s unsure of, after just passing her test!

My dd has just passed her test and I’d not expect her to drive somewhere she’s not comfortable with in a car she’s not used to, it’s safer for her to take her time and build up her experience and confidence.

As teaching them a lesson, what would that be? Being pushed into doing something you don’t want to because you have to make up for someone’s poor behaviour

Your blaming her for not driving when it’s her DH actions that has caused all of this!

ladyinwaiting99 · 10/08/2025 20:41

verityveritas · 10/08/2025 20:35

right, well, what’s done is done now. So moving forward you need to practise driving his car, and he needs to add you to the insurance. It does take practice driving a bigger car and manoeuvring it, just go out when it’s early morning every Saturday, when it’s quieter. The more you get used to it, the easier it will be. Kids can go with you and you can all stop at a costa or similar for breakfast. Make it a weekly event, until you feel confident driving his car, and then if he ever pulls a stunt like that again, you will have the confidence to go with the kids. Also practise driving your car further. I had a fiat panda, I could get two kids and their car seats in, and two overnight bags! Packing light is every bit as much as a skill as driving😁. Honestly OP, the more you drive the more confident you’ll get. And there is nothing more fun than going on a car trip, playing Tetris with camping gear, long legged teens and a hairy hound (not in the fiat, that long since departed this life, but my car is a hatchback so not big!).

Yes @verityveritasit’s so important that Op takes steps to facilitate her husband having a lazy weekend when he decides he’s too much of a drunk to participate in family life!! We should all learn from this and make sure that we, as good wives, are able to take on all the required work so that our husbands can loll around uselessly.
Aagh honestly this thread is doing my head in!! 🫣😡🤣

Arraminta · 10/08/2025 20:41

DorothyStorm · 10/08/2025 20:17

I dont think he had any intention of going.

At best I think he was ambivalent about going on this break. I bet it was the OP who planned it and booked it. I suspect he certainly wasn't excited about it like she was.

Then he went and got shit faced and felt like death yesterday. I bet he was desperately hoping that the OP would take the kids and leave him in peace to recover. But no, she meekly waited around all day to be told what she should do next.

Then today, he begrudgingly gets in the car but the very first chance he gets he calls off the holiday and goes home. What a surprise!

And, cleverly, very cleverly he's now blaming the OP for everything. And I bloody bet the OP is now feeling guilty and is creeping around, treading on egg shells.

Babyboomtastic · 10/08/2025 20:41

Heronwatcher · 10/08/2025 20:36

Come on, the kids have already been promised a holiday, left late, and then turned back after 40 mins in tears. How would being left with this lazy pissed arsehole be fair on them?

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How much of that do you think a 1 year old will understand? A two year old? A three year old even?

They will feel the tension and the upset, but a 'we are going to a petting farm ' instead would.be fine at that age.

If they were 8&10, I'd be saying the OP needs to try to keep the holiday for the kids, but with toddlers - not a chance, unless it's something she actually would prefer to do.

Bathingforest · 10/08/2025 20:44

Well, not ideal dear OP but I hope things improve and all that....

Whatshesaid96 · 10/08/2025 20:44

I do have to wonder if he has pulled similar tricks in the past to get out of things? I can't get my head around this being a one off. How was he last time you went on holiday with the kids? Wedding receptions, shopping trips and day trips out. I think that would give you your answer to whether it's worth staying with him.

Most people have grown up by this point and wouldn't get themselves hammered knowing they've got to drive in a few hours. Most ale festivals now do sell soft drinks or 0%. So I'd imagine a lot of people would have a couple and then switch to none alcoholic. Surely all his mates knew he was on holiday the next day why did none of them not question him being over the limit when he has to drive his kids. Something just doesn't add up OP.

SteakBakesAndHotTakes · 10/08/2025 20:45

OnceIn · 10/08/2025 20:39

Oh what utter tosh!! Scarred because their mother won’t drive a car she’s unsure of, after just passing her test!

My dd has just passed her test and I’d not expect her to drive somewhere she’s not comfortable with in a car she’s not used to, it’s safer for her to take her time and build up her experience and confidence.

As teaching them a lesson, what would that be? Being pushed into doing something you don’t want to because you have to make up for someone’s poor behaviour

Your blaming her for not driving when it’s her DH actions that has caused all of this!

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Yeah but she's enabling it by looking after him, wanting to give him 'a bit of peace' in the morning, believing the bullshit about him being spiked, and then allowing the kids to be disappointed when H has another tantrum over not wanting to drive and turns the car around. Where there's a will there's a way - train, Uber, day out somewhere else without H.

This is clearly not a one-off or a simple case of driving practicality. This is an abuser and an enabler. She needs to stand up for herself and her kids. My mother was the exact same and it did scar us. To the point that none of her children has a close relationship with her.

PinkyFlamingo · 10/08/2025 20:50

lazyarse123 · 10/08/2025 16:58

Wtf how is it pathetic? she isn't insured and doesn't have the experience to do a long trip on her with two little ones. But yes crack on and blame op because her dh is shit.

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It is not OPs fault her DH is shit. It is her fault for pandering to him

netflixfan · 10/08/2025 20:51

Maybe go on your own with the children, he could join you when he’s fit to make his way there. If this sort of thing happens to him again, run for the hills with your children. Otherwise you could be in for a lifetime of alcoholic hell.

madaboutpurple · 10/08/2025 20:51

Tell your husband he needs to book somewhere for next weekend and is not to go out the night before. I think he is a disgusting man . Then in a fortnight warn him in advance he will be looking after the children while you can go somewhere on your own or with a friend .You could say to him if he does the same in the future then you will be tempted to consider kicking him out. He needs to take responsibility seriously.

Kitte321 · 10/08/2025 20:53

Breezeopal · 10/08/2025 16:43

I can’t go in my car. My husbands car is huge, a ‘man’ car and I am not insured or comfortable driving it.

I am going to take earlier advice and make sure we have two great days to start the week more locally. He is cancelling his annual leave so will working tomorrow.

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A ‘man’ car? What an odd thing to say.
You seem very submissive. I imagine you accept ‘traditional’ gender roles without thought and embrace your role as the ‘wife’ in what appears to be a supporting act to your husband who makes the decisions and rules the roost.
In this life you get no say. You can’t set boundaries or even criticise. You have no power. My wish for you is to aspire to more and to find a way to reclaim yourself. Freedom and independence really is wonderful. When you don’t ‘need’ him anymore you will stop being shat on. In this case literally and metaphorically.

Tapsthemic · 10/08/2025 20:54

OP I totally understand not wanting to drive the journey - I passed my test 25 years ago but I really struggle to drive with the kids in the car. I’m only just getting back into driving on big motorways now they are both primary school age. You’ve made the best decision and I hope you have a few lovely days with your little ones xx

ShelleyCarpenter · 10/08/2025 20:54

A “man car”?? FFS

charlie12101 · 10/08/2025 20:55

If have left without him

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 10/08/2025 20:55

A few thoughts (if @Breezeopal is actually reading comments?)

A) if you don’t think you could have fitted your two kids and three peoples stuff in the car you might be travelling with too much stuff. Are the kids in buggies, or older? Young enough for a sling? Is getting equipment that will definitely fit in your car with room to spare an option?

B) if you don’t feel confident get some more driving lessons.

You could have done this trip but I suspect your husband puts you down and minimises your abilities.

westartfires · 10/08/2025 20:57

madaboutpurple · 10/08/2025 20:51

Tell your husband he needs to book somewhere for next weekend and is not to go out the night before. I think he is a disgusting man . Then in a fortnight warn him in advance he will be looking after the children while you can go somewhere on your own or with a friend .You could say to him if he does the same in the future then you will be tempted to consider kicking him out. He needs to take responsibility seriously.

100% agree

Campingisnexttogodliness · 10/08/2025 20:57

Get a roof box for your car.
Easy to get more stuff in. You need to start gaining confidence by making plans of your own. Then maybe you will have the nerve to dump him.