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Original poster

Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

1000 replies

Breezeopal · 09/08/2025 09:06

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

OP posts:
IsItSnowing · 09/08/2025 09:53

Take less stuff and go in your car. I'd want a better explanation of why he was in such a state because that is not normal. I'd have chucked his soiled clothes in the bin and he'd likely be following them if he didn't sort himself out.

MCF86 · 09/08/2025 09:54

OP if you don't feel like you can go alone with the kids, I agree with a pp that you should get out with them for the day. He isn't going to be fit for anything today and you definitely shouldn't be putting your kids in a car with him.
As well as him wallowing in a come down hangover, you will (rightly) be furious. It would be impossible to have a pleasant atmosphere for the children at home today.

EsmeWeatherwaxHatpin · 09/08/2025 09:54

Breezeopal · 09/08/2025 09:06

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

Go on your own and leave him home.

edited after reading your posts better: take a night of stuff in your car (be brave) and he can come tomorrow. Tell him to sort himself out and prioritise his family.

Tablesandchairs23 · 09/08/2025 09:56

Because the disgusting pig soiled himself.

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/08/2025 09:56

He’s an inconsiderate arsehole. Go without him and FFS don’t help him clean himself up.

Rosscameasdoody · 09/08/2025 09:57

Pippa12 · 09/08/2025 09:53

How do you know she’s being a wet blanket. All she replied before was that she wasn’t insured nor comfortable driving the bigger car. For all we know from the lack of replies she currently packing her 106 to the brim and getting the hell out of there.

There’s really no need to make her feel any worse than she already does I’m sure!!!

Show quote history

Never ceases to amaze me how women will blame other women for the shitty choices their men make.

Whattodo1610 · 09/08/2025 09:58

Madformaltesers · 09/08/2025 09:33

Take the kids out for the day somewhere else, let him stew when he realises you are not there when he wakes up.

Exactly this. Or go on holiday with your stuff packed on the spare seats (if your car really is that small 🤔). You can’t need that much stuff for a few days away. Don’t tell dh where you all are, let him do all the wondering and chasing around.

FumingTRex · 09/08/2025 09:58

Not wanting to make excuses but are you sure he wasn’t spiked? Shitting himself is extreme.

ErrolTheDragon · 09/08/2025 10:00

Can your car fit you and your kids if you pack minimally - don’t take him, obviously, he can finish cleaning his clothes and then the washing machine (sound like one wash won’t cut it) then probably need to change his bedding and wash towels and the bath or shower, and maybe join you later? Though tbh I’m not sure I’d ever want to see someone who did that again let alone spend a holiday with them.

MermaidMummy06 · 09/08/2025 10:00

Take the kids yourself, text him that the clothes he vomited and shat on are in the machine, which now needs a cleaning cycle. Since he was in no stTre to go anywhere you've gone without him. He can come when he's sobered up.

I think you also need to point out that he's a grown man who soiled himself to the point no one would help him. If he pushes back, remind him he shat himself &. vomited on his clothes & no taxi would take him, and it affected his entire family, and MIL, who deserves an apology. He should use the weekend to think about if he should be drinking any alcohol at all. If he can't see that, you need to rethink your own choices.

Tablesandchairs23 · 09/08/2025 10:00

Ive never done it at any age.

YouSayTomatoISayTomato · 09/08/2025 10:00

I hope he's woken up with a huge hangover and lots of apologies. In your situation I'd take the kids out for the day and leave him a note telling him to get cleaned up and packed ready to leave later. Then let him spend the whole weekend groveling.

ThisChirpyFox · 09/08/2025 10:01

ThisChirpyFox · 09/08/2025 09:51

Call around and ask siblings or friends and go. Even if you leave off later. What he did was a piss take and getting to the state that he spiked himself is vile!

Was meant to say 'soiled'

Personperson · 09/08/2025 10:01

Who cares if yours is the smaller car? Just take a few bits take your children and go leave your unreliable husband to it.

Stop being a sap and stand up for ypu and your children. Show him there are consequences to his actions. Don't let your children miss out.

MadeForThis · 09/08/2025 10:01

Did he even shower last night! He will be a total mess today and not fit to go anywhere.

MJ1980 · 09/08/2025 10:01

Rosscameasdoody · 09/08/2025 09:53

I really don’t think it’s fair, and it’s quite misogynistic, to accuse OP of ‘enabling’ his behaviour. Men are grown ups capable of making their own decisions and women are not responsible for the shit ones just by association.

OP wouldn’t have had much choice other than to do what she did. The alternative was to leave someone who’s clearly incoherent because of alcohol to find their way home - he’s not just her DH, he’s the father of her children, and if she had refused and something had happened she would inevitably have blamed herself. And when he got home, what was she supposed to do - let him stink out the whole house all night ?

The consequences come today. He’s hanging from the effects of his drinking - cue noise and mayhem from the kids, washing machine spinning away and vacuuming for good measure. Then when he’s sobered up enough, a boundary setting talk about the consequences of this ever happening again, to include a full description of the state he was in. OP had to clean up sick and shit - she has two children already, she doesn’t need a third.

From what OP says it sounds like he has form for getting drunk, so l think that’s what needs to be addressed, as well as being clear about the consequences if it doesn’t stop and he doesn’t get the appropriate help he needs if there’s a problem around alcohol. He’s a father, he’s setting a terrible example to his kids by his behaviour and he’s let them down this weekend. His choice. His consequences.

Edited
Show quote history

Youve clearly never been in a relationship with someone with a drinking problem!

you become their enabler to continue drinking as you flit around sorting them out (giving them lifts home, cleaning up puke/shit/piss) and getting them safely into bed. This all enables them to carry on with their drinking as theres never any consequences. Everything is done except the angry conversation the following day of their spouse telling them what happened, which they brush off and ignore as it couldnt have been that bad as its all been dealt with! Boys will be boys hey. The spouse will probably say “if you do that again im leaving…” 6 months will pass and low and behold the same situation occurs. Round and round they go

whistlesandbells · 09/08/2025 10:02

There would be no way I would not already be on the road in my smaller car, with essentials, with my children by now. By hanging about you are showing him what he did is acceptable. Who cares if you have less stuff with you. This is about respect for you and your kids. Fuck him.

Answeringaquestiontonight · 09/08/2025 10:02

Take your car and prioritise what will fit. You can strap a bag into the front seat with the seatbelt. He can bring the bigger car with him once he is sober enough.

Ikeameatballs · 09/08/2025 10:02

Along with everyone else (apart from the “poor guy” poster …):

Pack your car with essentials and go yourself. Let’s face it, after that behaviour you should seriously be looking at a more independent future without this guy, so get some confidence and energy, get out there and do this yourself without him.

Slobberchops1 · 09/08/2025 10:03

Stop being so wet - pack up the basics and go . Message drunk husband and say he is to bring the rest tomorrow and has a lot of making up to do

Tablesandchairs23 · 09/08/2025 10:03

Its not just about ruining the weekend. I'd be reconsidering my future with an adult who shits himself. I'd never have sex with him again

TeachesOfPeaches · 09/08/2025 10:03

Just go on your own OP, you’ll be amazed how capable you are if you’ve not done it before

EsmeSusanOgg · 09/08/2025 10:04

Is he awake yet? He may be hungover and in a mess - but the very least he can do is help pack, sort the house - and clean up properly after you had to deal with his spiked clothes etc.

Do not let him just sleep it off.

DJSteves · 09/08/2025 10:04

I’d be cramming the kids and the essentials into the car and I’d be off.

RentalWoesNotFun · 09/08/2025 10:04

How far away is it? Why do you think you wouldn’t manage to drive? I’d not want to be in a car with him until tomorrow as I’d be scared he was still drunk. So the kids would miss out and I’d not want that.

tbh i don’t think I could forgive him.

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