Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

[Breezeopal]

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

Hey OP. This isn't your fault. I've been driving a good few years now, it took me a while (ie a couple of years!) to be comfortable enough to take my husband's car, which is not that much bigger than mine. This stuff needs to be done within your comfort levels or it's unsafe. I've driven long distance a big fat 1 time, and in my smaller car. You will develop thes skills as and when you're able. Smalls in the back really impacts your ability to do it too.

The issue of him getting completely wasted the night before the holiday is separate. His alcohol use generally sounds over the top if he gets bladdered a lot. It's disconcerting to not be able to rely on someone, particularly with small children in tow. You ought to be a team. I bring a wealth of other stuff to the table, knowing that I'm not the primary driver, and it works. Funnily enough my husband and I were talking about when our son was born, and how we both felt like we were letting our half of the bargain down - he felt useless and I felt like I couldn't do anything "normal" post c section, but looking back, we both did exactly what we were able to and it worked. I remember asking him if he was ok all the time. I cried when he had no clean pants 😆 you get the idea. He let his side of the bargain down. The kids will recover from the disappointment - but you need to have a think about the balance of all this. Take a breather, though, give yourself a bit of grace. You were meant to be on hols, after all.

I am really sorry that all this has happened.
I'm going to echo all the posters saying you should still take them away though. We did a week in europe with hand luggage so I'm sure you can fit a few backpacks in your car and it would teach your kids that you have their back even if their dads behaviour ruined the start of a holiday.

Looking after kids on your own is tough, noones disputing that but I do always think it's really important to be able to be confident travelling and doing things alone with your kids and not always relying on the support of another adult.

Could you take them away overnight but closer to home so they still get a bit of a break. What a selfish man your husband is.

No idea why you’re allowing your DH to dictate the mood. Both you and your children deserve better than this totally selfish man child.

What an absolute cunt.

He’s completely pinned his colours to the mast and showed that you and your children don’t matter. You should be telling him to pack his bags and get out. Your children don’t need him around them. They need people who care about them and put them first. There’s a very good chance your eldest, if not both of them, will remember this.

BTW women can drive big cars, you don’t need a penis to do so. My car is massive, it has to be to fit my wheelchair in the boot.

Omg this! To me sound like she’s putting herself as a “wife” first rather than grow up one big ovary and be a mum. This also happened to me growing up, and the trauma and this memories are engrained in childhood memories. Pains me to think about those kids, they’re just going to remember “that summer dad shit his pants and cancelled the summer holiday” but OP is so worried about the poor sad man than make it up to her children. Gah!

Why has he cancelled his leave? He should be putting an effort into making sure you all have a lovely couple of days.

I’m furious for you but exasperated with you and feel you need to wise up. I’ve met so many women who have a little run around to take the kids to school and do the shopping. That’s the extent of their driving and they rely on their hubby/partner to do the difficult stuff and quite honestly are a menace on the road. I drove a transit can within 12 months of passing my test and hate driving small cars because other drivers are more likely to intimidate you. I’ve also gone in numerous camping trips completely alone apart from my dog. Don’t rely on a bloke because there might be a time when you don’t have one.
As for the drunken episode I think it was exactly that - having a drink spiked is a load of bollocks. I assume you’ve lost the money on the holiday as well and won’t be able to claim a refund.

what car do you have? I sympathise with struggling with big cars. When mine were little I had a Fiat 500 and packing it was like Tetris. But you can usually manage to wedge it in, you really don’t need much for 2 nights away - I used to stay at my mums regularly and take travel cot, pram, and all the paraphernalia that went with bottle feeding and two in nappies. It wasn’t pretty, and took a bit of effort, but it’s doable - and actually after the first time where I felt physically sick the whole time packing up and the journey I did feel better. In fact, I was quite proud of myself.

This is in no way a critisism for not playing Tetris after the last couple of days, it’s hard. But maybe worth a try to help boost your confidence? I tried to think of it similar to Dee going on the highway or whatever it was in Clueless 😂😂😂

Awww sorry OP what a nightmare he really is an absolute barstard isn't he? Good luck with the process of eliminiting this scumbag from your life 💪❤

How does he plan to make amends for his behaviour?

Just feel so sorry for the kids. Surely you could have packed a small rucksack each with essentials and gone somewhere in your car?

OP your husband is manipulative and unreliable. You’ve got to work out how to do this on your own. Otherwise your kids are going to have a monumentally crap
childhood which will follow them as adults.

You should have went yourself.

I get you're only newly driving but you passed your test and have a licence so that means you are a good driver. Driving unknown areas and longer distances will only boost your confidence.

Your car can't be that small unless you have a motorbike, not for you and 2 children, I fitted 4 kids and a wheelchair and suitcases and bags in a ford fiesta many years ago.

You and your kids were looking forward to this holiday, sitting in the car and the big man decides to turn back because he literally can't hold his shit !

Go without him.

What do you mean can’t drive it? Do you have your own car? If so squeeze in as much as you can and go.

I genuinely dont understand why you couldn't have gone in your own car! You can't possibly need that much stuff for a couple of nights away!!! And you'd have extra space because your husband won't be in the car!

oP you have passed your driving test.Grow up and drive your kids yourself! Harsh but you need a proverbial wake up call. Do not let your chn have their holiday ruined by their idiotic father. A tiny car is what I have and I can fit loads in. It’s only a few days fgs.

What message is this sending your kids!

Noe might not be the right time but start building up your skills by undertaking some longer journeys. If you can drive locally you can do a 2 hour drive. You have the skills you need, you just need to believe in yourself.

I would be taking the kids of a “holiday” to see your mum. While there, your husband needs to do some serious grovelling on how he will make it up to you all. And you need to think of you can get past this.

Has nobody honestly planned to meet up with friends (planned for weeks) when they had something the following day and gotten more drunk than usual/ expected? Saying that that the trip didn’t go ahead is awful. Hope you end up having g a good time when you go away next x

When he says by yourself. Does he mean you take the kids and deal with them in your own while he gets to sleep off his hangover in peace?

Go without him but with his allocated money for the vacation.

I’ve been driving for over 30 years and I still try to avoid driving in unfamiliar locations, in unfamiliar vehicles or in tricky situations (eg heavy city traffic or narrow country lanes). I am a hyper vigilant driver and I just find it stressful and exhausting. I have plenty of other talents, but driving when out of my comfort zone isn’t one of them, and that’s ok. I often use public transport instead, which I find a lot less taxing.

I think it’s really unfair for people to be ragging on OP for feeling anxious about doing this trip alone.

This is not your fault. You could not have foreseen this and you are not weak or incapable because you’ve reacted as a human.

Yes, do everything you can to give your children a lovely couple of days. And then you need to seriously think about your marriage because he cannot blame being drunk on Friday for being a twat on Sunday.

Read your updates Your dh is being a complete shit. Absolutely awful behaviour from him. His lack of consideration or concern for you and the dc just goes on and on!

It may be for the best that he’s taking himself back to work, as it will give you a bit of space to reflect. I’m going to hazard a guess that you could name a few other times when he has been selfish and inconsiderate, or just incapable of taking responsibility?

Between the shits, and all the should-ing all over this thread, you’ve had a right miserable time of it. I hope you manage to have a nicer time when it’s just you and your dc, and you can salvage something from it all.