Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

[Breezeopal]

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

This thread is appalling.

I wouldn't have gone either, and I'm far from a 'wet lettuce'/'pathetic' out any of the other insults thrown at the poor OP.

Taking two toddlers on holiday by yourself whilst your useless husband relaxes at home because of his utter selfishness, is a reward for him. Why should the OP have to juggle two toddlers on holiday by herself? She wanted the holiday as a family holiday. Going by herself wouldn't have been empowering, it would have been a reward.

JFC there is absolutely no need to be so rude and horrible to OP. Some people are nervous drivers, particularly if OP is only used to driving locally.

She isn't the bad guy here.

So sorry your trip was ruined. Your husband has been very selfish and refusing to go today is just dreadful. I really feel for you

Even the smallest 4 seat cars can take 2 kids and a couple of days luggage in. If the holiday was meant to extend into next week, get back in the car and take them, you'll be so glad you did. You can do it!

It's you think the kids would be ok, I'd be booking myself a spa day and night on his credit card and then disappear off. Leave him in the lurch with the kids. That would be empowering.

Exactly, I really can’t get over the fact that Op is the one who is being given a hard time when it sounds like her useless lump of a husband really wanted to get drunk then sit around relaxing all weekend “Ill” whist she ran the holiday and entertained the kids singlehanded.

Op, I would be having a really careful think about whether this is the life you want for you and the kids, holidays and events coming second to his drinking.

You should of packed light and gone in your car op.
hes an arse

"I feel pretty useless right now reading the comments here about driving and he has compounded that with what he said."

OP I do not think you are useless for not feeling you could drive on your own or your husbands bigger car. To tell you my own story, I didn't learn to drive until I was in my late 20s because I was scared to after losing a close friend in a road accident just before my 17th birthday. About 8 years ago I had big problems with agoraphobia and one of the things it impacted was driving despite having driven fine for 10 years. I couldn't drive for 20 minutes. Since then I've built it up and can now confidently and happily drive for 4 or so hours. It is not unusual to need to build up your confidence after passing your test, nor to not feeling confident with larger vehicles. I know people like this who are very independent and competent women. There's also a lot of drivers who could do with being a little less confident in their abilities!

I'm also sorry you've been getting such a hard time on here. I think you do need to look at your own situation and keep building up your own self worth, confidence and independence. Learning to drive was a great step, well done you, give yourself credit for that. I also think your husband has treated you and the kids very poorly, today especially and by cancelling his leave tomorrow. But I'm a bit gobsmacked that people think that the way to help you is by calling you negative things. That'll make you feel worse about yourself and not more able to tackle things. I think that unless people have experienced low self confidence, I mean confidence on the floor low, then they don't understand how difficult things can be.

I wish you and your children luck. You can do whatever you want, believe in yourself.

Your DH is a nasty piece of shit - he doesn’t get to blame you and make you feel bad for his disgusting and sabotaging behaviour. How fucking dare he control what is happening here - it is totally his fault.

I think there are probably many other things about him you are not telling us - but if it is safe to do so - call him out! He doesn’t not get away with this spitefulness. This would be a real line for me I’m afraid. Carefully consider your next steps.

When we go away my DH drives as I can’t fit the three kids, dogs etc in my car and when we go away we take everyone, so I’m not surprised you’re upset OP.
Your husband had one ‘job’ to do which was to stay sober enough to be able to go on holiday as planned.
In your shoes I would have driven your car, DH as passenger and just packed the bare essentials, in our case the dogs and minimal clothing. There is no way I would have left him behind to enjoy a restful week without you whilst you did everything for the week you were away.
I hate driving, so understand the stress involved in suddenly having to drive somewhere unexpected when that wasn’t the original plan through no fault of your own.
I hope you manage to salvage something of the week and I would book in for some extra confidence boosting driving lessons or do some practice runs to different places so that in future if this was to happen again, there is a plan b.
You haven’t let your children down, their Dad did that when he went out and got slaughtered to the point he soiled himself and threw up everywhere, I don’t think he was spiked, just totally drunk and unable to hold his hands up and take responsibility.

The problem with the driving is that because the OP’s husband is an unreliable arsehole it means that she needs to be able to do all of this stuff alone without him, or at least have the means to do it or the children will continually miss out. If he’ll do this for a holiday he’ll do it for day trips, clubs, parties and the OP will need to pick up the pieces. Or, the relationship will end and it’ll all be on the OP. He is a grade A knob and the OP and the children deserve much better but being fully independent in the future will make this awful situations less bad.

I'm another who thinks you should grab the children and take them. 2 hours may seem like a long drive, but really, if you break it up into 4 30 minute chunks, that's totally doable. Drive 30 minutes and see how you feel, stop if you need to, or continue. Do that 3 more times and then you'll be there! To gain confidence you need to be driving regularly in all sorts of situations, ie countryside, motorway, towns etc. Show your children who you are, that you're strong and capable.

I'm not even going to mention your absolute twat of a husband, because deep down you probably know yourself who he is and where you and the children are on his list of priorities.

I can't imagine what a 'man car' is, start driving it and then it'll be a 'woman car' too.

Completely agree. Why should he get a weekend to himself to recover? Why should we women do all the hard graft parenting? He should be left in charge of them with his hangover while you go off and have some me time.

I dont think he had any intention of going.

You know trains exist right? Just go to butlins or something easy like that. If you don’t nip this covert manipulation in the bud this will be your, and more importantly, their lives for ever

‘Man car’??

I struggle with driving anxiety when going somewhere unfamiliar so I’m not without sympathy, but what a ridiculous thing to say. I have a big car and DH doesn’t even have a driving licence - I’d better let him know I’m a man now 😅

Because the kids are probably devastated? OP has done absolutely nothing wrong but if she can it would be better for her kids to salvage what she possibly can.

To then hear that not only did he turn you all around after 40 minutes but cancel his annual leave when he could have gone out with you on days out is lower than a snake’s bollocks. Not fair at all. He sounds like a self obsessed dickhead. Sorry

Tbh I wouldn't want him anywhere near me right now. Have a lovely couple of days op, doing anything you and the kids feel like and leaving him to stew. And earn all the money at work for you to spend

I’m so sorry for you and your children op. None of this is your fault, and I am shocked at some pps attitude . It is not your failing, a family holiday was planned, most of the responsibility of which seems to have fallen to you, and your husbands responsibility for it was driving. He has failed, and let the whole family down. What a prize prick he is. I hope that he is at the very least apologetic. Based upon this post though he is no more than a selfish useless lump of skin. Imagine fucking up so badly and instead of being mortified, apologetic and kind. He finds excuses and blames everyone but himself. I cannot understand how he justifies callously ignoring his own children’s tears and finding fault with the other parent who shouldered every other responsibility including having to rescue him like the bloody third child he is.

Doesn't sound as if he wanted to go and sabataged it.

I understand about not wanting to do the driving. It takes a little while to get the confidence to go out of your comfort zone.

No, they are agreed 0-3. They'll quickly forget about it and will be just as happy down the local splash pad.

Holidays at this age are about making memories with your children but it's an incredible amount of slog for the parents.

You are sending a horrendous message to your kids and you risk them being scarred by memories like this - “my holiday as a child was ruined and cancelled because my father abused alcohol and put alcohol before us, and my mother put her insecurities before us and didn’t want to take us”. This may sound harsh, but is how your thread reads. You are teaching your kids that you as a mother are powerless and it is a horrendous thing to do!

That's awful OP, I think everyone has forgotten you have only just passed your test and also as you say you are not insured to drive it his car. He's treated you all so badly including the children I really feel for you.
I hope his behaviour changes pretty quickly, at the moment it's really abusive. He has really let you all down.

Of course he hasn't married her. Of course she isn't financially independent.

There is a whole strata of women who still willingly tolerate truly shitty behaviour in return for a roof over their head and a bit of 'house keeping' money.

It's so fucking depressing.

There are some seriously horrible comments on here. I hope those of you who have left them feel really good about yourselves for tearing someone else down just because they don't feel confident driving a bigger car, and taking their two toddlers away for a weekend on their own after a big unexpected row with their husband. I bet you all feel really big and cool.