Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

[Breezeopal]

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

I can't read this anymore. It's enraging.

No, never and neither has DH in the 32+ years I’ve known him. HTH

I’d honestly end my marriage to this spiteful, selfish cunt of a man. How, just how could he do that to his children?

He was not spiked. He either drank too much, or more likely drank too much and had too much coke.

You're going to have to dig deep OP, your children deserved better than this. You should have driven them so they didn’t miss out. It’s a real shame you didn’t feel able. The cruelty of what’s happened is just awful.

And there’s no such thing as a ‘man’ car.

He is convinced something untoward happened such as spiking as his friends had similar volumes to drink and were all fine.

This would piss me off.

Does he seriously think out of the entire group, one of his friends or a random man spiked his drink so they could rape him?

He needs to own up k the fact that he was trying to play the big man and keep up with his mates, even though he obviously can’t handle his drink as well as them and knew he had to be up early for a long drive.

Whats done is done and nothing can change what did or didn’t happen.

What he can do, is apologise and plan another weekend break away to make it up to you and the kids.

This is one of those situations that should really make you look at your relationship. His behaviour has impacted not only you, but your children and mother. How on earth is he not completely ashamed and embarrassed by this? That would be a massive issue for me.

I love the way this is now the OPs fault because she isn’t comfortable to drive her dh’s car!

Indeed.
This is not a man to spend your life with. In a few decades time you will look back and wonder why you wasted your life on him.

You’ve had an awful weekend and some posters on here have been awful. You really need to seek some real life support. Have your Mum’s guests left? Can you ring her or speak to her?

@Breezeopal bless you, I would be devastated too. I'd have major concerns about your husband's unwillingness to take responsibility for his appalling and totally selfish behaviour. If this is his default you might have a better life with your children without him. He should be grovelling for forgiveness.

I'm sorry Op, I think it sounds as though you are in a controlling relationship with a toxic man.

Perhaps posters aren't noticing that in commenting (and of course nobody knows your full story)

He didn't want you guys to enjoy yourself and deliberately ensured you all had a terrible weekend just like he did.

You know you have to leave him, right? You can't possibly think this behaviour is acceptable.

I know you're dealing with the aftermath now and probably need to focus on the day to day. I understand you're sad and have beaten down by years of this. I know this is not your fault. But please, when you get some headspace, ask yourself what sort of man does this.

He drank himself to the point that he lost control of his bodily functions when he knew he was due to drive the following day. He sabotaged his family holiday. He then had the nerve to try to blame this on you and his children.

You know he's a cunt and an alcoholic and this won't get better.

Please, for the love of God, wake up. This is yours and your children's lives.

Blame is fully with him, not you for not wanting to drive or take 2 under 4s away on your own, so take no notice of everyone telling you what you should be doing.
he is the one that should be grovelling and arranging something else not scurrying back to work.
oh and no way was he spiked, vomiting and shitting def an alcohol and coke thing
I hope you dont let him off lightly

So he didnt eat dinner, tried to show off to mates with no commitments he can still match them drink for drinks ends up hammered rather than own his behaviour then he claims spiking to stop you being angry.
You were 40mins into a 2 hour journey and he decided he couldn't be bothered - if he had just carried on to the holida he would have been driving not much longer anyway.
What did your mum say after paying for the extra night? I couldn't be with someone like this who sabotaged a weekend away and what was his response is he even sorry? He left you to clean the mess, ruin your weekend and to top it off hes cancelled his annual leave so u get to manage the kids alone. My ex tried this once he didnt want to go on a trip with our baby as it was too much effort you know what I did? Booked it with my mum instead, had a fab time and got rid of ex not long after

No, never and neither has DH in the 32+ years I’ve known him. HTH

Well I’d say a few of the posters telling op to end her marriage and split up their family of four over him being an idiot have to be honest!!

I totally understand feeling uncomfortable as a new driver. I'd take the opportunity to drive as often as possible so you can build up confidence. I really hope your husband just has a bug or food poisoning and will recover and be a good husband again.

OP I haven't read the whole thread, just the first few pages and your updates but I just want to let you know I totally understand your reluctance to drive. I am a very anxious driver and don't really drive places out of my comfort zone, I wouldn't have felt comfortable driving by myself either especially with children in the back of the car if I didn't feel confident with it. You didn't turn this holiday, your DH did. Don't feel bad. I just really feel for you and the kids. I hope you manage to have a wonderful couple of days doing something locally. However shame on your husband for turning the car around when the DC were no doubt excited to go away. I would be both fuming and heartbroken in equally measure if my DH did that to us. I hope you are OK ❤️

This!
Honestly can't believe what I'm reading! He's an utter arsehole, but you too have let your kids down big time, and shown him that he's married to someone feeble who won't call him out on his terrible behaviour.
When I read 'man' car, I just thought, there's no hope for you.

What car do you have? You could have taken less. It’s hard to believe your car was too small for you to go.

How old are your children? I hope they are young enough to not really understand or be disappointed.

fgs op, Grow a pair and kick your husband into touch, he’s a complete waste of space, how low is your bar?

She has her own car and she could have broken the journey down into half hour sections.

Also there's no law that says you have to go on the motorway if you are not comfortable doing so. There's usually always an alternative (not sure about certain sections of the M25).

Fuck him. Go without him. Selfish sod. Hopefully he will think about the consequences of his actions whilst you are away.

Sorry, what?

He drank himself to such a point he lost control of his stomach and bowels the night before he was due to go on holiday. He deliberately sabotaged a family holiday by drinking an industrial quality of booze, made his wife pick him up and then evacuated his bowels over her car. He made up some cock and bull story about having been spiked (as if people spike a middle-aged man).

He went on to throw a tantrum on the way to the holiday he nearly ruined and tried to make it look like it was his wife's fault. In front of their young children.

This man has never been and never will be a "good husband". He's not even a substandard husband, he's pond life.

I'm honestly aghast at some of the standards on here. People splitting hairs about whether not the OP should have/could have driven the car. This is missing the point on an epic scale. The mini break isn't the point. The driving isn't the point. The point is the OP is married to an abusive alcoholic and needs to get the hell out before he ruins her life.

In the kindest possible way, OP, this is a wake-up call so loud and bright it could be a giant neon sign with an arrow in the sky. Please listen to it and don't trap your kids in a 20 year hell with this man. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for them.

I'm a nervous driver too but when push comes to shove, I would have done this trip. As I said above, you can avoid motorways and use other roads, and as others said you can look at junctions on Google Maps to check which lane you need to be in etc. It's summer, so it's long evenings, you won't have to drive in the dark.

It's not hard. Worst case scenario is you go the wrong way and have to turn round somewhere.

This. The car can’t be that small for Goodness sake. You need to stop being such a wimp.

Same. If DH has made a commitment to drive the fam somewhere - holiday or whatever - he stops drinking after 2 pints and comes home. And he and his mates are demons on the beers when they meet up.

I appreciate the ‘LTB seems a bit drastic’ comments but, honestly, I’d never be able to overcome the ick of a drunken self-soiling or the failure to prioritise his wife and kids over his mates. My marriage - and our sex lives - would never have recovered.