Mortified by DH’s behaviour in Asda

[EllyRoff]

Went to Asda yesterday afternoon - ours has a pharmacist in there and DH needed some Laxido so we went across. The woman serving said they didn’t have laxido but they did have movicol which is the same thing with a different name. DH asked her if the ingredients is exactly the same as he has to be very careful with what he takes (true) so she went off to check with the pharmacist. Whilst she was gone DH was looking around him all anxiously and then as she reemerged she walked over to him smiling - he promptly sticks two fingers up at her and then runs off!!! Leaving me stood there like an absolute clown. I was mortified, apologised profoundly to her and walked away. Later caught up with DH who had simply gone back to shopping in Asda as if nothing had happened. His excuse was that he was scared to take something different but was feeling pressured and didn’t know what to do so legged it. I asked why on earth he swore at her and he said he “just panicked”. I’m still furious, my mum thinks I’m over-reacting a bit but DH can do no wrong in her eyes. Am I over-reacting??!

Yes, but real life always falls short of the lofty ideal of all customers being perfectly mentally well, and perfectly mannered at all times. Honestly, he wasn’t abusive. He had a panic attack. In a pharmacy section. This is nothing to be ashamed of or furious about or for staff to take personally,

You are more angry on this thread than the OP’s DH was.

All this anger at a man suffering a panic attack (possibly his first ever one) is not warranted and frankly, kind of ableist.

Ok twatfeatures, I’m reporting this thread

Good on him???
Why on earth should the shop assistant put up with rude morons like this?
The world needs people to behave in a civilised manner!

I'll file this amongst the stranger things I've read on MN. And I see we've found a fellow shithead on twitter thread 😳.

@Renamed why are you reporting the thread, you can report a particular poster or comment

God no, that would totally embarrass the shop staff member. Your work with “appointments” is obviously not the usual retail setting.

And to add on, you have no idea how panic attacks work by saying “if he were feeling ill…” they are called an attack for a reason, they strike out of the blue instantly, you go from feeling fine to panicking in seconds. Some people even lose their awareness and have no memory of what happened from start to end of an attack.

He’s definitely got issues. Learning difficulties probably. Poor you being married to this specimen.

@LoremIpsumCici he carried on shopping as if nothing had happened, that’s not a panic attack. And has behaved similarly when drunk.

Yes, poor men. They already have it so tough. There has to be a medical explanation for his dickish behaviour. He must be given more love and support and never made to feel bad for his bad behaviour and he must not be made to feel like he is in the wrong. Sure the gut microbiome is important, but it's not so simplistic as constipation causes normal people to morph into twats.

Ok

As soon as I saw the title this is exactly where my brain went 😂

Good point, my brother’s mother in law was going around insisting she was pregnant- she’s in her late 70’s 😳
Turns out she had a UTI.

I would (very genuinely) be encouraging him to see his GP about such a bizarre change in behaviour. Does he really have no other explanation for it? Isn’t he profoundly embarrassed?

That's not normal behaviour for a grown man

@LoremIpsumCici ableist to call out a grown man acting like a rude child?

Is it also ableist if I say I feel like all you people who will literally tie yourself in knots rather than accept a man was a twat are tapped in the head?

Nothing to do with "being a man" 🙄
It'd be bizarre behaviour for women as well, and I'd say the same if a woman randomly decided to do that after saying they panicked! Wondering if they were OK mentally

Ok I think I'm getting your point of view. I'm a social worker, so I semi regularly have people saying very abusive things to me. I am therefore inured to being told to fuck off, I'm a child abuser, evil, being yelled at etc and what would upset or enrage someone working in a different field is usually water off a duck's back. I might even laugh if one of the parents or teenagers I work with flicked the V at me and ran away. BUT does that mean the behaviour isn't abusive? Does it mean it's not rude, or intended to offend and hurt? No it does not. My inured responses are because I've been abused hundreds of times carrying out my job, not because abusive behaviour is ok. This man may not have been 1/10 of the rudest that pharmacist has experienced but it doesn't mean his behaviour wasn't rude and abusive nor that it should be tolerated, let alone celebrated!

One of the odder things I’ve read.

if I was the assistant I’d assume he was very mentally unwell or had additional needs, young child mental age,
if I was his wife, I’d be both mortified and deeply concerned, however as he’s done stuff similar when drunk then I guess the op knows he has issues.

and I think what’s even odder is someone thinks more people should behave like that, get shop assistants to do work for them then abuse them and run away,

I guess schools still out.

just odd all round really,

They are.

We usually receive one as a thank you every Christmas from a business service provider/friend of my husband and I. Other than the practical stuff like salmon, cheese, ham (which is nice enough but not worth the price they charge) it’s full of horrible, overly sweet biscuits and cake in fancy tins, weirdly flavoured teas and coffees that sit in the cupboard for months before being chucked, and very average chocolates. The last Christmas pudding was awful, the King George pudding, I think? Dry and tasteless. We chucked it. The last lot of crackers were out of date already.

We’ve tried several times to tell him please, don’t bother, don’t waste your money. couple of nice bottles of wine would be very well received or if he insists on a hamper, one from Aldi. Still sends them. Seems to be a cachet attached to them. No idea why.

I sell the empty baskets on now, though. People seem to like them 😁

I tend to take everything with a pinch of salt. It keeps me sane.

Ive worked in retail, hospitality (restaurants and bars) and now healthcare. There is a zero tolerance approach to abuse at my work and someone sticking their fingers up at you is abuse. Im not saying she would be a blubbering mess but its horrible to be sworn at when she’s gone into work to help someone. If someone does that, you are also left wondering if they will come back again during your shift.

Retail is a vulnerable job which is why ive said there should be zero tolerance to abuse. The best thing they can do is not serve him if he comes back, tell him he’ll have to go elsewhere.

Or he could go and apologise quietly to her (with the manager there) and move on from a pathetic incident.

Of course it can be. Once the environment causing the panic attack is gone, the sufferer is able to stabilise themselves.

Behaving similarly- meaning giving a V- when drunk is meaningless because people giving Vs isn’t always due to the same cause/reason.

Surely this will wreck your kidneys though?

Is him saying that he panicked the same as having an actual panic attack? OP found him going round Asda with his trolley as though nothing had happened, so he recovered pretty quickly if so.

According to the NHS webside, which provides a long list of panic attack symptoms, swearing at shop assistant by sticking two fingers up at her isn't one of the symptoms.