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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mortified by DH’s behaviour in Asda

547 replies

EllyRoff · 09/08/2025 09:01

Went to Asda yesterday afternoon - ours has a pharmacist in there and DH needed some Laxido so we went across. The woman serving said they didn’t have laxido but they did have movicol which is the same thing with a different name. DH asked her if the ingredients is exactly the same as he has to be very careful with what he takes (true) so she went off to check with the pharmacist. Whilst she was gone DH was looking around him all anxiously and then as she reemerged she walked over to him smiling - he promptly sticks two fingers up at her and then runs off!!! Leaving me stood there like an absolute clown. I was mortified, apologised profoundly to her and walked away. Later caught up with DH who had simply gone back to shopping in Asda as if nothing had happened. His excuse was that he was scared to take something different but was feeling pressured and didn’t know what to do so legged it. I asked why on earth he swore at her and he said he “just panicked”. I’m still furious, my mum thinks I’m over-reacting a bit but DH can do no wrong in her eyes. Am I over-reacting??!

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 09/08/2025 10:03

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 09/08/2025 09:04

The world needs far more individuals like your DH. Far too many people taking themselves far too seriously. Good on him.

What on earth is the matter with you?

Abusing shop staff is ok with you?

LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2025 10:03

It’s really odd behaviour, and he describing a panic attack accurately. That fight/flight response is textbook.

I would be more concerned about his health. Needing that sort of medication means his GI system isn’t functioning properly and if you read up on the gut-brain connection it is quite possible he has more going on than constipation that is then affecting his brain. He should go to the GP and get some tests done imho.

I would be less concerned about your feeling mortified about this bizarre incident in ASDA, I am sure no one there even remembers you, him or what happened. Pharmacies especially see people who are very ill every day with all sorts of problems from cancer to mental illness. So they will have shrugged it off quickly.

YABU to still be furious at him. Please don’t shame him for this as he may shut down and refuse to get this looked into by a GP and also to talk to you honestly about his feelings. Men already find it difficult to go to doctors and talk about feelings because of the way our culture portrays these as effeminate and unmanly things.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 09/08/2025 10:03

Gofaster2023 · 09/08/2025 10:00

And while he is amused, another person has been offended and quite possibly upset? Im all for not taking life too seriously but you dont do it at the expense of others. Thats not autism, that's is being a cunt on purpose.

I don't believe anyone was suggesting OP's DH is autistic (for a change)

thebraveryofbeingoutofrange · 09/08/2025 10:03

What swear word did he use?

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 09/08/2025 10:04

Nanny0gg · 09/08/2025 10:03

What on earth is the matter with you?

Abusing shop staff is ok with you?

As I've already explained, no, it's not "ok" with me.

Newusername1234567 · 09/08/2025 10:04

Omg i am so sorry op @EllyRoff but i was picturing it while reading and it was quite funny 😹

Nanny0gg · 09/08/2025 10:04

EllyRoff · 09/08/2025 09:06

He’s never done anything this ridiculous before but has done “similar” things when drunk. He was completely sober though (he had been with me all afternoon so I know he was completely sober)

So what conversation did you have with him when you got home?

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 09/08/2025 10:04

MargaretThursday · 09/08/2025 09:12

This is exactly what I thought of 😂

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 09/08/2025 10:05

thebraveryofbeingoutofrange · 09/08/2025 10:03

What swear word did he use?

He stuck fingers up is how I read it?
If I was that shop assistant I'd just be utterly baffled, I'd wonder whether he was alright in the head for want of a better expression lol

Fetchthevet · 09/08/2025 10:05
Biscuit

August is always silly season on here.

Lauralou19 · 09/08/2025 10:06

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 09/08/2025 09:04

The world needs far more individuals like your DH. Far too many people taking themselves far too seriously. Good on him.

Nope the world needs more individuals with manners and decency. He should be ashamed of himself. The person he abused had to go on and work a full shift after his pathetic behaviour.

I think more shops need to post online the faces of those who abuse staff.

LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2025 10:06

Panterusblackish · 09/08/2025 09:51

That woman's mother might have died this week. He husband might be having an affair. Her child might have been diagnosed with cancer. She may have and, mental health issues or be ill herself. She might have crippling anxiety and have dragged herself into work.

Then she has to cope with a men abusing her at work and your response is meh?

You need to work on yourself

A silent two finger salute is not abuse, it is mildly rude, but then you do tend to imaginative hyperbole.

Bleachedlevis · 09/08/2025 10:06

ThatCyanCat · 09/08/2025 10:01

They're shit these days actually, it probably wouldn't surprise me.

I’ve only been once 😊

CynicalSunni · 09/08/2025 10:07

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 09/08/2025 09:52

But earlier you said we need more people like her husband and good for him?

Yes, people prepared to act impulsively, let their hair down, and do random things they can't necessarily explain.

So you don't seem to think that sort of behaviour towards staff is unacceptable

Of course abusing staff is unacceptable, I've never suggested otherwise, merely that if you work in retail for long enough you get inured to abusive members of the public, and that what OP's DH did would be a source of bemusement rather than upset in the grander scheme of things.

See what @sweeneytoddsrazor posted. Pretty much the same sentiment from another experienced retail worker.

Sure you might find it 'amusing' to see infantile behaviour others dont. Nor does it mean people have sticks up their arses. Who in this scenario had a stick up their arse?

Nobody. But having dealt with the general public, a large proportion of them do. Typically the sort who march into the premises, purple with rage, ranting and raving, hurling abuse, and STILL expect you to assist them. If those folk with the gigantic sticks up their arses merely V'd and ran away, it would be a blessing.

We really do not need more people acting 'impulsively'. The husband came across as unhinged and strange not comedic or letting his hair down.

Yes i get it you have worked in retail a long long time. You are now accustomed to abuse. More fool you i guess. I also worked retail for a long time.

I would be concerned some weirdo like that would be hanging around to do more weird stuff. I would not view it as comedic.

You're viewing it as you would prefer to see the 'impulsive' rather than the 'purple with rage' people.

Both behaviours are unacceptable.

RosieCockle · 09/08/2025 10:08

Did you apologise to the pharmacist? I know it wasn’t you who acted like a complete twat but it might have taken the edge of for her if someone who witnessed it said something.

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 09/08/2025 10:08

It’s really odd behaviour, and he describing a panic attack accurately. That fight/flight response is textbook
Actually yes, I shouldn't be laughing, I kind of missed this bit as in it didn't register properly - yes, the fact he described it as panicking.
I know I said I'd be wondering if he was OK mentally, but I think with him saying that there's a bit of truth in it. I'd be worried about him.

LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2025 10:08

Lauralou19 · 09/08/2025 10:06

Nope the world needs more individuals with manners and decency. He should be ashamed of himself. The person he abused had to go on and work a full shift after his pathetic behaviour.

I think more shops need to post online the faces of those who abuse staff.

Based on my past experience as shop staff, a silent V from a person running away from me in apparent fear would not have turned me into a blubbering mass unable to complete my shift.

If you think what OP’s DH did is so terrible, you’ve never worked retail or hospitality.

ScreamingBeans · 09/08/2025 10:09

Lauralou19 · 09/08/2025 10:06

Nope the world needs more individuals with manners and decency. He should be ashamed of himself. The person he abused had to go on and work a full shift after his pathetic behaviour.

I think more shops need to post online the faces of those who abuse staff.

Abused? Get a grip

crumblingschools · 09/08/2025 10:09

@LoremIpsumCici so staff should put up with rude (and time wasting) behaviour? To help you retail staff shouldn’t have to put up with rude or abusive behaviour

5foot5 · 09/08/2025 10:09

MargaretThursday · 09/08/2025 09:12

From the thread title I immediately had flashbacks to Sharon's DH T-rexing in the supermarket!!!
Well done finding it, that must be years ago

Hb7x3 · 09/08/2025 10:10

He should speak to his GP, if this is completely abnormal behaviour it could be a brain issue

thebraveryofbeingoutofrange · 09/08/2025 10:11

Fetchthevet · 09/08/2025 10:05

Biscuit

August is always silly season on here.

Indeed.

Lauralou19 · 09/08/2025 10:11

LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2025 10:06

A silent two finger salute is not abuse, it is mildly rude, but then you do tend to imaginative hyperbole.

I can guarantee no one would be getting an appointment at my work if they stuck two fingers up at staff. Luckily we have brilliant managers who have zero tolerance on abuse.

If the OP’s husband was feeling ill and out of character (completely bizarre behaviour), he wont have a problem going to apologise when he’s feeling well again.

thebraveryofbeingoutofrange · 09/08/2025 10:12

Lauralou19 · 09/08/2025 10:11

I can guarantee no one would be getting an appointment at my work if they stuck two fingers up at staff. Luckily we have brilliant managers who have zero tolerance on abuse.

If the OP’s husband was feeling ill and out of character (completely bizarre behaviour), he wont have a problem going to apologise when he’s feeling well again.

The OP claims he swore in her opening post, does anyone know which swear word it was?

BigWillyHazyHarold · 09/08/2025 10:12

thebraveryofbeingoutofrange · 09/08/2025 10:11

Indeed.

Yes quite. Which makes it all the more ridiculous that apparently some people think more of us should be acting like this.