Breaking it to your family they aren’t invited to your wedding

[mostimportantaspect]

My DP has been married before. Church wedding, stag do, big reception etc.

I’ve never been married. I am quite anti traditional weddings. I do not need convincing otherwise about weddings. My DP is fine with it don’t worry 😂

I’ve been to many weddings which have been nice and I am happy that other people do love them as an option for them, I just don’t want a traditional wedding with guests.

I don’t want any planning, making guests lists, organising a meal or any stress relating to any other people at all.

I don’t want to share the day with other people or be stared at, taken photos of unawares, separated from my close family all day by obligations to converse with people I barely ever see. I don’t expect any gifts or involvement from others either.

As I said, this is not a personal diss or judgment about other peoples wedding choices it’s just my preference.

I have a complicated family and his is massive so it isn’t a viable option for us to have a wedding that involves anyone else apart from us and our children. If I can’t have a quiet intimate wedding with just us, then I will not get married at all. Our families all get along so it’s not an issue of whether I like them or not. I just want it to be very small and private.

DP has proposed to me in private and we are very happy and planning something exciting with our kids. I want to be married to him so something tiny is perfect

As you can perhaps guess we are being badgered by family asking about our plans and when I have tried to explain we will have a tiny private quiet wedding, they are still under the impression this means they will be invited to the tiny private part.

DP can’t decide if WABU to be vague and none committal about any wedding chat, or is it just better to let people down gently and be up front

Also AIBU to be weirded out that people like watching someone get married who is so visibly uncomfortable with the concept of being watched 😂

You need to say ‘we’re going to elope we’ll let you know when it happens!’
you made a mistake telling them you’re engaged though. My cousin and his now late partner just announced to us that they’d done their civil partnership, they didn’t tell us they’d got engaged

@mostimportantaspect Please, please do it your way. Ignore people telling you to prioritise other people above your own feelings. This is your ceremony, nobody else's. It is unique to the two of you, please do it just as you want it.

We got married abroad with some family there, and to be honest (and no disrespect to those who were there), I kinda wish it had just been the two of us. Once you have X and Y, it's harder to say no to A and B and all the rest of the alphabet. It's just not the same if you are bulldozed into having things how someone else expects it to be and you will have regrets forever if you allow it. I do feel that the plan of saying nothing, making arrangements quickly and quietly then "going on holiday" and getting married during is absolutely stellar.

If I were you I'd tell key people that we were thinking of setting a date in whatever year, got a great venue in mind - then leave it at that while quietly making plans. People are nosy and will press for details, but if you keep it vague and "we aren't sure yet", just keep batting it back and changing the subject.

But do it your way. It's your wedding.

Spell it out We are getting married not having a wedding Only the kids will be there We are having NO REPEAT NO GUESTS Keep saying it until they believe you!