Aibu for being unhappy my in-laws are putting a dog "first"

[GD12]

Basically my MILs son has a giant dog, I think it's a Staffordshire bull terrier but it's massive. It's also untrained. When our daughter was 4 a few years ago ist jumped up on her and scratched her chest at which point I said that our daughter couldn't stay in the house with it. She goes every summer to stay for 5 days and they usually put the dog elsewhere,the dog moving and staying with another relative etc. This year they didn't bother and the solution was to have my daughter stay with another relative instead of at her grans my mil would also stay at the relatives. Am I overreacting being annoyed about this? She has to go and stay with a relative that she's never stayed with before and sees maybe twice a year, that the dog is being allowed to stay in the house and my 7yo daughter has to move out because of it? Myself and hubby have had a fight because he can't see the problem, in fact he'd have her stay with the dog in the house. Maybe I'm being controlling but it's really pushing buttons in me.

YANBU

I'd be putting my foot down and wouldn't let my daughter go.

It's not worth the risk for her to stay with the dog. And I wouldn't want my kid in shit situation because a BIL can't grow up.

If it’s taller than your waist then it’s absolutely not a staffie, which are normally no taller than 40cm at the shoulder.

Sounds like it could be an XL bully from what you describe, but then you ought to know about it as it’s a banned breed that would have to be registered. So maybe a completely different type of dog entirely.

If it’s so big, and it jumped up at your daughter when she was 4 I’m amazed it only scratched her chest, I’d have thought it would completely knock her over.

can you describe the aggressive behaviour it displays? I know you’ve said it several times but then you’ve also said the other family members describe it as being playful. So what’s it doing that makes you sure it’s being aggressive?

Op, you’ve said you don’t know the breed.But now you’re saying it’s 100% 'some sort of staffie’.It’s incorrect to say Staffordshire bull terrier are dangerous dogs, if they were, they would be on the dangerous dog list.
It’s not your business, why your in-laws have a dog, 'in their freshly decorated home’ (what a strange thing to say) By saying it’s a Staffordshire terrier, when you don’t really know, comes across, as just another dog bashing thread.Fair enough you don’t like dogs, however you can’t expect others to kick their dog out of their home to suit you.

OP says she has her toys there. Why do so many of you discount OP's characterisation of a dog she knows but none of you know and of a situation involving her very young child's comfort re the familiarity of a house where she will be spending a week without her parents? I think OP should put her foot down and not be coerced into sending her child on this visit.

They mentioned staffie I'm sure and it was my husband that mentioned "freshly decorated home" not me, like I said. Did you not read what I posted?

THE CHILD WILL NOT BE IN THE HOUSE WITH THE DOG!

Good grief , so many posters missing this fact.

And everyone wanging on about the bloody breed and size. It makes no bloody difference whether it is the Hound of the Baskervilles or Grommit: it won’t be anywhere near the OP’s Dd.

I wonder how this country functions sometimes.

Oh…

You are dealing with a bunch of bullies here OP. Keep your daughter at home and tell your DH and MIL to take a flying leap.

It is madness to put the dog before a DGC.

Staffordshire bull terriers are very chunky but they have short legs, if the dog has long legs it may be an XL Bully. They may be calling it a Staffie to avoid judgement or having to follow the new rules.

I feel sorry for the MIL in this situation tbh. Sounds like BIL isn't prepared to move out with the dog for a few days - maybe can't find a friend/relative willing to put up with untrained, pita, aggressive Fido. MIL is stuck in the middle and trying to find a solution so she can see her granddaughter. Wonder how she feels about having her grown son and his massive dog living with her. I'm probably in her generation and I know I wouldn't be thrilled (actually I wouldn't have let him move in permanently with a small, well trained dog let alone this pita!)

Could MIL come and stay with you?

If you don't want your DD staying with someone she doesn't know well, especially is she doesn't seem keen, then you are not unreasonable to say no. MIL is an adult and will have to come up with another solution.

For contrast PIL foster dogs, they like to have DS for a week (Mon to Fri ) each dinner to do things with him sometimes take him camping for a few days, they live in the country side and have a huge allotment at the end of their garden and chickens etc, so DS also loves it. They make sure they do not have a foster for that time, they've turned dogs down or when taking them earlier in the summer say they have to either be gone or looked after for the week by another member of the charity because those dogs are not their own , their background isn't always fully known and it doesn't matter how docile a dog seems it's not a risk to take with a 6 year old. Those are grandparents who love dogs but prioritise their desire to have their grandchild at their home without parents. We also don't need the childcare FWIW, but we love the relationship they have.

Best comment 😂😂

The breed, size or even temperament of the dog is irrelevant. OP has decided it has injured DC once so they don't spend time together. Seems reasonable to me. MIL has respected this.

The dog is at the house this summer. It lives there so this also seems reasonable to me. It's okay to feel a bit annoyed about it, sure, but its between BIL and MIL what goes on with the dog.

So all it comes down to is does DC go and spend a week with MIL in the relatives house? At age7 it feels the simple way to answer this question is to explain the situation to DC and ask if she wants to go? If she does, it feels unreasonable to object just because its a different house. If she doesn't, then MIL has to lump it. Feels like at 7, this could and should be DCs choice regardless of house now anyway!

Stuff her and the dog. I would not be sending my DD7 anywhere, with anyone, for a week on her own. Which relative is she staying with? Do you know them well enough to know that she is safe? This is not ok and it would be a hill I would be prepared to die on, no matter who I offended, and if my DH wasn't on board, stuff him too!!

And OP doesn't want her to go. The dog is a red herring. The OP has said numerous times she doesn't want to be parted from her child but puts up with it to keep the peace

I don't think a large untrained bully breed is a red herring.
The grandparents are ridiculous protecting their dogs feelings.

Must admit I am a little surprised by how many people wouldn't let a 7 year old go away with family for a week full stop. Not that it's a problem if it works for you and your family, but I'll be delighted if by that age my mum (or MIL) and DD have the sort of relationship where they want to spend a week together and I therefore get a week of down time with DH!

In our family kids LOVE staying with grandparents for a few days.

Yes l read your further post op, you quoted me🙄
It was husband that mentioned the freshly decorated home, however you’re the one who’s bringing this up, why, it has no relevance, only demonstrating there’s more to this, you don’t like any dogs and a way to get your point across is to say, the dog is dangerous, when there’s no evidence of this.
Op you are being unreasonable, you questioned whether you’re being controlling, clearly you are.

Typos/autocorrect...
Summer not dinner
And it is a risk, not it's not a risk to take a foster dog with a six year old

It’s where the dog lives, it makes no sense to move the dog out and into someone else’s house when your MIL is happy to just stay elsewhere with your daughter. Total over reaction from you OP.

I’ve also asked this.
i think yabu. I think mil has done everything you have asked.
Why should she force bil out ( as that is what you’re asking by asking to remove the dog).
nothing you’ve said has shown an aggressive dog?
dog jumped up when it was young.
your mil found a solution so they could still spend the summer together but you’re still not happy, why?
Are you not happy about her going? If so then that’s ok, she’s your child, but it’s unfair to mil to put this on her.
(no, not dog bias i do not own dogs).

The child will NOT be staying in the house with the dog.
@Finteq has nailed it, which @miraxxx you are choosing to ignore.Follow the thread, instead of jumping to your own conclusions.

The OP isn’t asking for childcare, she has said numerous times she would prefer her daughter stayed at home.

It’s the father and grandmother who are demanding the daughter stay at Grandma’s for a week.

I don't see the issue. Mil is looking after dd just in a different location.

MIL may want your child for a week, there is no law saying that she gets her for a week.

Just say NO.

It's a very simple short word, two letters and a complete sentence. NO.