Aibu for being unhappy my in-laws are putting a dog "first"

[GD12]

Basically my MILs son has a giant dog, I think it's a Staffordshire bull terrier but it's massive. It's also untrained. When our daughter was 4 a few years ago ist jumped up on her and scratched her chest at which point I said that our daughter couldn't stay in the house with it. She goes every summer to stay for 5 days and they usually put the dog elsewhere,the dog moving and staying with another relative etc. This year they didn't bother and the solution was to have my daughter stay with another relative instead of at her grans my mil would also stay at the relatives. Am I overreacting being annoyed about this? She has to go and stay with a relative that she's never stayed with before and sees maybe twice a year, that the dog is being allowed to stay in the house and my 7yo daughter has to move out because of it? Myself and hubby have had a fight because he can't see the problem, in fact he'd have her stay with the dog in the house. Maybe I'm being controlling but it's really pushing buttons in me.

you need to say no, and stop this in its tracks

keep your daughter safe and happy

cant MIL come to you? or you stay local for a few days and do outings - then everyone is happy?

sounds like an XL bully OP, i would not want that within a mile of my kids

Yes.
Fine, if that’s the case don’t send her, but that’s not what the OP has said and also has nothing to do with the dog, which was what her AIBU was about.

I agree that it should ultimately be up to the child whether she goes. I know for a fact that my eldest DS would have point blank refused to stay in a strange house, even if his grandmother was there with him. And I would have respected his wishes. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong at all with OP’s MIL suggesting or implementing this arrangement.

Why are you jumping to the conclusion this is a dangerous dog ? It’s a stuffy. It jumped up and scratched her - doesn’t mean it was meant, or that the dog is a threat.

OP was quite clear - its a staffy.

It's either a staffie or a large dog
It isn't both

It's not a staffy. OP was "quite clear" that she doesn't know what it is and has described a dog that isn't a staffy.

What a generalisation. Rather horrible one at that.

In that case, don't send her away this year and tell your husband he will have to suck up the presence of his own child in the house.

I would explain that you don’t feel comfortable having the dog in the house when your daughter is there because it’s jumped up in the past and scratched her and she isn’t allowed to stay unless the dog is out of the house for the duration of the visit. You also don’t think it’s appropriate for her to stay with a relative she doesn’t know even though MIL is with her. It seems like whatever you do MIL and your husband are going to get pissed off so you may as well be honest and not risk your daughters safety.

I do agree with others that clearly your MIL enjoys spending time with her and is respectful of your wishes with the dog, as she has arranged to move out with your daughter so the dog isn’t around, but you are her mum. If you don’t feel comfortable with that, you just need to say. Who cares what anyone else thinks, your daughters safety comes first before adults hurt feeling.

Western grandparents aren’t trustworthy,What sort of batshit comment is this .Maybe in your world but certainly not in mine.

I think she's respected your wishes around about your DD not being in a house with a big dog. Maybe whoever had the dog before, doesn't want the dog in their house anymore, so a compromise has been made. The most important thing is that your DD gets to spend quality time with GM.

They never are dangerous until they rip someone’s throat out.

It doesn’t make any difference what people on here think. The OP has concerns about the dog and her child comes first, regardless of whether other people think her concerns are valid or not. Anyone who has children on here, defending a dog over the safety of a child should be ashamed of themselves in my opinion. I don’t understand why anyone would willingly put their children or grandchildren at risk just to appease a dog. A 7 year old is still a small child that can get easily hurt by a large untrained dog jumping at her, it’s doesn’t have to tear her face off to hurt her. Any parent with an ounce of common sense wouldn’t send their child into a situation where the risk of getting hurt is likely.

I'd be wary of my child being around a staffy at all. Thick people love saying they're nanny dogs but they've killed quite a few people
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_fatal_dog_attacks_in_the_United_Kingdom

@Bathingforest why bring ethnicity into this?
Would it be ok, if you were judged on your ethnicity!
No of course not.

The OP said it had acted aggressively towards her

OP I think you’re getting lots of unnecessarily harsh comments on here, so just wanted to say that I totally get it. Your DD isn’t the class hamster that MIL gets to take home for a week! What if she gets homesick at this other relatives and you need to pick her up?

You are of course totally within your rights to cancel the trip - if you feel something in your gut, listen to it. A simple response like “thanks so much for trying to accommodate DD, but it seems like it’s going to be a bit tricky this year. DD is nervous about staying anywhere other than your home, and I’d hate for her to get homesick, so perhaps we leave it til next year?” As a sweetener, you could offer to host the week? (I know your DH won’t like that…)

Fwiw I would never allow my kids near a dog that behaves unpredictably, especially not if owned by a man-baby who can’t control it and is enabled by his family. It’s standard common sense x

Another batshit comment ,so you can say western grandparents aren’t trustworthy and I’m not allowed to reply to that ,As for your ethnicity where have I said anything.

OP I think you're getting some really unfair comments here. You're absolutely right to protect your daughter over pleasing a side of the family over an aggressive dog. It's absolutely ridiculous how people are downplaying a dog scratching and jumping on a small child - this is unacceptable and you're right to stand your ground! It sounds like you need to get your DH on your side here?

But also, how are some people here on MN possibly prioritising an intimidating dog over a child? I can't wrap my head around this type of mentality around dogs above all else with some people (speaking as someone who's had dogs myself in the past who I loved very much and who were valued members of the family)

Sorry got confused ignore my post

Are you for real! Have you actually read the thread.
Op’s daughter isn’t going to be staying with the dog, other arrangements have been made, op still not happy about this, that’s the reason why people are saying op, is being unreasonable.
The reason why people are saying op is being unreasonable, she doesn’t even know what breed it is, saying she thinks, doesn’t know for sure, it’s a big dog, tall and a Staffordshire bull terrier and calling it a dangerous dog, when posters have asked, what has this dog done, apart from, jump up once, 4 years ago, she hasn’t answered.
As already mentioned, Staffordshire bull terriers aren’t classed as dangerous dogs, why would the dog rip, someone’s throat out, huge over reaction.
Whether you like it or not, the uk is a dog friendly place, this is about her in-laws home, they shouldn’t be expected to remove their dog from their home, to suit op.

That’s ok, was agreeing with you.

Teach the kid the magic-steak trick

Or find his own place, where he and his giant dog can be happy together without taking over his mum's home.