Aibu for being unhappy my in-laws are putting a dog "first"

[GD12]

Basically my MILs son has a giant dog, I think it's a Staffordshire bull terrier but it's massive. It's also untrained. When our daughter was 4 a few years ago ist jumped up on her and scratched her chest at which point I said that our daughter couldn't stay in the house with it. She goes every summer to stay for 5 days and they usually put the dog elsewhere,the dog moving and staying with another relative etc. This year they didn't bother and the solution was to have my daughter stay with another relative instead of at her grans my mil would also stay at the relatives. Am I overreacting being annoyed about this? She has to go and stay with a relative that she's never stayed with before and sees maybe twice a year, that the dog is being allowed to stay in the house and my 7yo daughter has to move out because of it? Myself and hubby have had a fight because he can't see the problem, in fact he'd have her stay with the dog in the house. Maybe I'm being controlling but it's really pushing buttons in me.

I agree. They didn't choose the dog they just changed location.

I'm sorry to have to tell you that your professional expertise is suddenly redundant. Apparently there are numerous people on Mumsnet who can tell whether a dog is aggressive without ever having seen the dog.

They did.DGC was visiting DGP home, now the plans has changed, to a home she isn't familiar with.
I'd stop the overnight visiting altogether, if DGM is willing to move to a different house, she can stay in OP'S house.

Staffies are generally friendly dogs. But that is not the issue at all. I would not send a child to stay in a house with a dog she did not know. The safe rule is never leave a child with a dog, even if the dog is a toy poodle etc., because things can easily go wrong.

That's quite a rude comment to someone giving a professional opionion - one I would agree with btw.

I don't think you're at all unreasonable, OP.

Hope all works out well for you and your daughter

True UK SBT’s aren’t “massive”, they are actually quite short and dumpy, roly polly types, yes a barrel chest and biggish head but nowhere near an adult waist in height. My friend’s pure bred Staffy barely comes to my knee. Obviously there’s lots of weird cross breeding out there but I’m talking pure SBT.

I would be very concerned if it’s an XL Bully, Pitbull cross, mastiff cross type of dog. XL’s are a ticking time bomb as we know, but I’d have thought OP would recognise one from all the media attention they’ve had after so many fatal attacks.

The fact the Mil/Bil are being so vague about the actual breed is worrying - my bet it’s an ill bred dangerous mix. Id be pushing for more info and identification of the actual breed asap.

Im a dog lover and dog owner but this doesn’t sound good to me.

Yes, I have read the thread and my response was in a direct reply to someone saying the dog wasn’t dangerous when they have no idea whether it is or not.

However since you’ve bought up the subject, I also think that any parent that would willingly send their young child to stay with effectively a stranger (because the daughter doesn’t know this relative whose house she now has to stay at), also needs to take a long, hard look in the mirror. The agreement has always been the OP daughter, stays with MIL at MIL house, not the OP daughter is sent hundreds of miles away to stay with MIL in a stranger houses, where the OP has no idea who will be coming in and out of while her daughter is there. That’s why she isn’t comfortable with the whole situation and I don’t blame her. She seems like a very good mum to me, unlike alot of the questionable people replying on here who would send there child off without question!

Some of you need a reality check. Any dog can bite and cause injury, yes a Jack Russell won’t cause as much damage as a XL bully or whatever but they can still hurt a child and seriously. Dogs shouldn’t be jumping up in peoples faces regardless of breed. Instead of people treating them like children (which they arent) and making excuses for their bad behaviour, they should train their animals. And that’s coming from someone who has owned dogs my entire life up until recently as well as my family. It only takes once for a dog to bite, only once for a dog to kill (not suggesting this one would but in general), and when this happens it’s always the same ‘oh it was such a sweet animal, I used to leave it with the baby, wouldn’t hurt a fly, I never thought it would do this’.

I stand by my point that anyone putting a pet over the safety of a child - whether thats physical safety, mental or allergy based should be ashamed. My Best Friends child was terrified of dogs, I would always put the dog in another room while they visited. If I ever had to have her for longer periods of time, I would send the dog elsewhere for the day, the dog survived. Honestly cannot believe that some people on here are saying they would rather not see their grandchildren because of a dog or cat, it’s pathetic.

@SweetHydrangea It is an over reaction on your part to say, the dog could rip someone’s throat out.
Now you’ve compared a jack Russel to an x bully, do get a grip, you clearly don’t like dogs and that’s the issue.
Apparently, you’ve read the thread, so you would know op’s daughter, isn’t going to be staying with the dog, she’ll be staying with her grandmother at the grandmothers, daughter’s home, so it’s hardly staying at a stranger’s home.That should be the end of it, op has been given another alternative, so why are people, still going on about the dog being dangerous, when op’s daughter isn’t even being going to be staying there.
We don’t know, what sort of relationship op has with her in-laws, doesn’t sound like it’s a happy one, this could well be the real issue, op has.
Honestly don’t believe you had dog, to then say people who have a cat or a dog are pathetic and should be ashamed of themselves!!! just because they won’t, or are unable to, for example, remove their dog from their home for days, have made alternative arrangements to see their grandchild.
Who do you think you are, ranting that people need a reality check, how many times the child won’t be staying anywhere near the dog🙄

@SweetHydrangea it isn’t a ‘stranger’, it’s another relative that they see twice a year.

I think the OP is getting a very hard time from the dog lovers on here. I wouldn't want my young child to be in a house with a dog thart I wasn't comfortable with. Clearly the OP doesn't want her child to go there and for me, that's enough. Who cares what breed the dog is.

Why do you have so little input into this? I think this is a great time to put your foot down and say this is the year it stops. If your H wants time away from his daughter, HE can go and stay with his mum and the dog, and you and your DD can stay at home!

Hmm, equally there are many comments from people who have no understanding of dogs, are unable to tolerate them and are unable to understand why other people do.
The dog is out of the equation now, the child won’t be around the dog.So it’s not relevant that op’s in-laws have a dog.Other arrangements have been made, for the child to spend time with her grandmother at her aunties.
So why is that still not good enough for op? That’s why op having a 'hard time’ because she’s being unreasonable.

Why are so many of you going on about the dog??? The dog is not staying in the same place as rhe child. The child is staying with gran in a different place, with someone the child barely knows. THis is the issue. Ffs.
OP. You dont want your child to go, dog or strange house aside. You need to talk to your partner and decide what to do going forward. Personally, I think it's lovely gran wants to spend some special time with her every year. How else could this be facilitated? Her staying with or near you? Several long weekends? Think of a solution rather than a straight out "she's not going"

The point is, the DGC was supposed to be staying in her grandparents home.
DDog goes to alternative accommodation, as they don't want to disturb Dog, the grandparent is movimg to an unfamiliar place with DGC. Disturbing the usual plan.
Uprooting two humans and inconveniencing the other home owner.

They likely can’t find anyone to look after the dog without having to pay whereas granny / granddaughter can stay at the relatives for free .

I agree the dog is a red herring now alternative arrangements have been made, and I said exactly that yesterday. But OP is not unreasonable to decide that the new arrangements do not work for her or, more importantly, for her young DD. That is absolutely her right as the child's mother. She does not have to compromise, or accept the alternative offered, she can just say no.

That doesn’t mean anything negative about the dog. My dm had to stop walking her lovely golden lab as she got older because she became more frail. My neighbour has an amazing collie dog who she no longer has the energy to walk so uses a dog walker. You clearly don’t like dogs.

Why don't you have the dog whilst your daughter is at your in-laws?

Yes, of course, op can say, no, that’ll be the end of it
But instead she’s making a big deal, about the dog
This thread is a red herring, she just doesn’t like dogs.

So a stranger then to DD7

When I was 7 I didn't view relatives that I saw twice a year as strangers. I knew them, remembered them.

so many, assuming you’re sending your daughter away as you want free childcare, which is completely wrong! If you say you don’t want her to go then don’t send her, I wouldn’t want my daughter anywhere near a dog like that and completely understand your reluctance for Her to stay in a strange house, even if grandma is with her, after all, she’s only seven. I think I would be inclined to invite grandma to stay at your house for peace of mind all round. I certainly wouldn’t be pressured by your DH or anyone else, if you aren’t comfortable with what is proposed.

Whatever you do this summer, you need to lay ground work for the summer arrangements needing to be flexible and alter in the future to accommodate your daughter's needs. She's not a thing to be passed round to suit her grandmother.

Also, depending on the grandmother's age and health there may come a point when arrangements need to change for her and so that your daughter isn't doing an unwanted level of care for her grandmother. An adolescent who doesn't want to be there plus an aging grandmother is a recipe for arguments and upset.

I’m not sending my dogs away for a few weeks to cater for anyone. My dogs live here with me. You don’t like dogs, you don’t come.